college essay help

[pokergrader]

This is not good.

First on a technical note, you have some pretty long run-on sentences in there (a few with 5+ commas in them!). This is not good, make your sentences more concise. Also if you reread your paper, you probably can avoid misspellings like "out come" and dubious statements like "I did musicals...".

Your topics aren't terrible, but there is no structure, no meaningful conclusion, and overall this paper is pretty worthless. You are now going to have confidence and be open-minded? How does this make you different from anybody else? I don't mean to hate on your paper, but the topic mentions dreams and aspirations and all you have given me is not judging others and making decisions.

If I were you, I would throw this away and start all over again. However before you write a single word you should make a complete outline of every point you are going to make in your essay. This will help you make clear and concise sentences and paragraphs when you finally write your essay, because this is something you are struggling with.

[eviljeff]

[ QUOTE ]
The way you write about Magic the Gathering is almost creepy.

[/ QUOTE ]

I think the fact that I didn't read the essay made this particularly funny

[SuperUberBob]

Ummm, what's the point of this paper? Seriously, I just don't see what exactly this paper is about. It lacks a clear focus and proper organization of critical ideas. Your into and conclusion paragraph are bland and short.

This might be a C in a college course. I would re-write it and then take it to a campus writing center.

[pokergrader]

[ QUOTE ]
This might be a C in a college course. I would re-write it and then take it to a campus writing center.

[/ QUOTE ]

There is absolutely no way this paper would get a C in a college course. For this not to fail would be a miracle.

But luckily it is a draft, and there is a lot of time to rework it.