Ask the 2+2 Ladies Your Questions

[Sniper]

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lol. what is that?

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The best pic I could come up with of Anacardo desperately trying to get a hold of a seagulls leg as it flies off... use your imagination [img]/images/graemlins/wink.gif[/img]

[soon2b]

Ok, so im in a pretty messed up situation now... Here is the history. 2 girls, Peanut Butter, and Jelly. I dated PB for 2 1/2 years. I just met Jelly, and she was the one that was really helping me get over PB(PB and I broke up 6 mo. ago)

Dating PB was pretty amazing, she was a great girl, I loved her family, my family loved her, etc. She did kiss 2 guys while we dated, and I did cheat, and it was somewhat worse. When we broke up, it all came out. Anyways, we ended up breaking up because I was not giving her enough attention(poker, and school, mostly poker though) and because she met a new guy(thats what happens when you dont give girls enough attention, and this is what im going through now, will explain later.) Other factors were that she was a freshman in college, and I could be a bit controlling at times. I broke up with her when she met some guy and wanted to start talking to him, and that was that. Never saw her again after I walked out that night. Now she is dating that guy she met, but it took 5 months for them to officially be dating, and now he is back in his hometown, a good 700 mi. away, and is not returning to the college PB is at.

Jelly is some girl I met at a party, she is good friends with one of my best friends, yet I had never met her before. She called my friend that night and told her she thought I was hott and wanted to hang out with me sometime. I ended up contacting her and we hung out. Week 1 with her was amazing, wed see each other alot, it was great. I was really falling for her and forgetting about my ex. We talked towards the end of that week and she said she didnt want a BF but she met me and shes changed her mind. She wants to take things slow, but she really likes me and wants a relationship, a serious one and wants to make it work when we go off to school(wed be abt an hour away from each other).

Then, he friends came in from college. She started being distant, we werent hanging out much anymore, I would rarely talk to her, etc. When they went back, we hung out some the week before I left for florida, and things were a bit weird. She explained the night I got to florida that it was because her ex bf had been talking to her, they went to a baseball game together and he said he wanted to hold her and kiss her and be with her etc. She said no, they left the game early. She was quite upset about the whole situation and didnt udnerstand why they couldnt just be friends. Well, this affected things between her and I.

The next night she was visiting her friends college, and I guess she ended up kissing some guy who came up to their car and asked her to kiss him because he just got out of the navy. What a dbag. Anyways, she did. Her bro, who loves me was pissed. I was cold as hell the next day towards her, but we talked that night, she was very upset, said if I had kissed another girl while in florida she would be really upset too even though she said she wouldnt.

After that, the rest of the vaca was good, she was texting me and calling me alot, being really cute. Saying how she couldnt wait for me to get home, etc. Saying how she wanted to sex me up when we get back(oh yea, forgot to mentioned, she used to be pretty slooty after her and her ex broke up[they dated 3 years, similar to my situation I guess], when we first started hanging out I almost sexed her up, but didnt because idk... im a pussy and really like the girl didnt wanna ruin [censored]) Anyways the slootiness is a concern, but oh well.

I came home saw her for 5 min the day I got back we hugged, made out, then she had to go to her girlfriends birthday dinner. Since then we havent talked much, I havent seen her, etc. She lives a min away and cant find time to just say hi. Shes let me down twice since ive been back already(been back since friday) as far as hanging out goes. Today I was supposed to babysit with her early this morning, but she wants me to come at like 5 now... another big let down. It seems like she doesnt want to see me as much as I want to see her, but she is actually very busy working and such. Maybe I just expect too much because of my last relationship?

Well, one night I was really depressed and she wasnt giving me any attention, and frankly just being a bitch. We do usually just text and talk on the phone maybe once a day, but normally just text. Text messages can easily be taken the wrong way, and that does tend to happen with me, expecially because I have this problem of looking into things way too much. Anyways, I called my ex gf.

My ex had tried texting me a few times wanting to be friends and such over the past month since ive been talking to Jelly. I finally broke down and called her. We talked for 4 hours. Basically, she said she knew it wasnt gonna work with her current bf bc hes away for good now. She said if we got together again itd prob be alot better(i sort of agree, ive been thinking alot about it lately). She has asked to hang out a few times since this past saturday when we talked. I am afraid to let her back in my life, but slowly am. I dont know what to do

Cliff Notes:
Long relationship with Peanut Butter, ended kind of bad
-Didnt give enough attention, she was freshman in college wanting to have fun. Lack of attention resulted in her meeting a guy and wanting to pursue things with him. Theu are now dating but she said it wont work. Our relationship was amazing for the most part. Now she is all partied out, is doing well in shcool, and I feel i can really trust her and think if we did get back together, things could really work out...

Jelly is this really cool, funny girl I met that really was helping me get over my ex. She seems to push me away at times, and some of my friends think shes jerking me around. She has a history of being slooty, but hasnt been for like 3 months now. This is still a concern, not sure if I can trust her, but I sort of get the sense I can. Im just unsure if shes ready for a relationship like I would want. She wants to take things slow, and doesnt want a bf now but eventually does want to be with me. She is always busy with work and friends and such so I tend to get let down alot when trying to hang out with her. It seems like she doesnt want to see me as bad as I want to see her. Seems like every time she pushes me away to the point where im gonna stop talking to her, she redeems herself... Oh yah, she is hotter than my ex(my ex is still really cute though)

What do I do? Who do I choose?

Peanut Butter
Jelly
Both? (I could prob play both of them, but I am afraid I might start to get attached, esp to my ex...)

[Zurvan]

I'm not a lady, but I'm going to suggst option 4, Neither. Things will be better with your ex for a while - say 6 months. But, you two broke up for a reason, and those reasons are probably still there. Besides, why would you want to get back with a girl who dumped you as soon as something (she thought was) better came along?

As for Jelly, I get the strong feeling you two want different things from each other, and you'll end up disappointed.

Don't try to play both - that's the [censored] thing to do, unless they're both aware that you're seeing other people, and are ok with it. <- I doubt this would be OK, with your ex, anyway.

You're young, you're in college... go out, have fun, and eventually meet someone who wants the same things you do, and who wants to spend as much time with you as you want to spend with them. Life is much easier in a relationship like that.

That much drama in a month with one girl is a very bad sign for the future.

[entertainme]

Jelly is playing you. Move on.

If you and PB can talk about the things that led to your break up like adults and come up with ways to deal with those situations, you might have a chance together. It's not at all uncommon for young couples to break up after a long relationship and find their way back to each other.

[MrWookie]

Yeah, I agree w/ the others for the most part. With Jelly, best case is what Zurvan is saying: she wants something different than what you want or she doesn't really know what she wants. Worst case is what mom is saying: she's feeding you lines and messing w/ you. Either way, no girl is worth putting up w/ any of that.

As for PB, if you do insist on getting back w/ her, you're definitely going to want to spend some time working things out, and even then, I'd maintain a healthy level of skepticism about the whole situation. If you dive right back in hard, you'll probably get burned.

[soon2b]

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Yeah, I agree w/ the others for the most part. With Jelly, best case is what Zurvan is saying: she wants something different than what you want or she doesn't really know what she wants. Worst case is what mom is saying: she's feeding you lines and messing w/ you. Either way, no girl is worth putting up w/ any of that.

As for PB, if you do insist on getting back w/ her, you're definitely going to want to spend some time working things out, and even then, I'd maintain a healthy level of skepticism about the whole situation. If you dive right back in hard, you'll probably get burned.

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see thats the thing with PB, we have talked about everything, and we want the same things in the future. Our break up was both of our fault, I didnt give her enough attention, due to poker, which is out of the picture for the most part now. She went to school and wanted to be single and experience the college life. Now she barely drinks or parties anymore, shes changed alot, for the better. I myself have changed for the worse, drugs and such. But, I tell myself I will stop once I have a reason to. She was the reason I stopped when I first met her... I dont know...

As far as Jelly, I dont think she knows what she wants right now, but she can be an amazing girl. I guess I will just give it time with her and see how things go. I am going to avoid the ex for awhile just because worse things could come of that... I am going to hang out with Jelly today, were babysitting(she nannies full time, shes amazing with kids, which I love. I love kids) tr when I get back

[katyseagull]

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The jerk who for once does something moderately nice just becomes "that guy" who does something REALLY nice -- Hey, now that's a nice guy! I remember the last time he did that. People really underestimate how great this guy is!

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Jerks are always coming off as quite exceptional and memorable when they're nice.

But nice guys being nice? Who cares? Nobody notices anyway. It's just background noise.



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lol, well said Blarg. So true! People find jerks memorable when they decide to grace us with a kind word or show some level of concern for the minions, and yeah we give them way too much credit for it. It sort of gets on my nerves. People treat jerks like they are gods. I can’t stand that [censored]. You see it all the time on the internet. Guys act like jerks then turn around and make a show of doing something thoughtful or remotely benevolent and everyone’s like oooh, that guy is really COOL. Personally I don’t trust guys like that. Try being friends with a guy like that and see if it messes with your head. I can’t do it.

As for girls falling for jerks, is it possible you are underestimating us? I mean yeah for a moment maybe we are pleasantly surprised by a jerk who becomes moderately nice and it may seem appealing for a few days but not all of us lose our common sense. Heh, we're not THAT dumb. Well not any more dumb than the guy who falls for the slutty girl who he absolutely knows has slept around but convinces himself that she is somehow reformed and really quite smart, and he’s convinced she loves him on some deeper level. In the back of his mind he knows she’s still a [censored] right? (oops, didn't know the word [censored] was censored! hmm. hope you guys aren't too offended by my using it. [img]/images/graemlins/tongue.gif[/img] )


Which I guess leads to the next question, are the sayings "once a jerk, always a jerk" and "once a [censored] always a [censored]" true? [img]/images/graemlins/laugh.gif[/img]

[Blarg]

My remarks weren't really girl-specific. Guys do it too. We all tend to "normalize" whatever it is people bring to us, unless they are truly intolerable. And we tend to think any good behavior we receive is the least we deserve and comes from a bottomless well -- as it should, considering our natural swellness.

And so we become oblivious to good things unless they come from a jerk, and to bad things unless they come from someone who is probably long overdue to get out of line at least once in a while.

As to whether people can undergo sea changes in the very core of their personalities, anything's possible. Whether you want to stick around for it depends on how much gamble and patience, or perhaps capacity for self-abuse, you have.

[tarheeljks]

i don't think the core of someone's personality can change w/o them undergoing some traumatic or extremely unlikely event (good or bad). obviously nice people can be mean and vice versa, but i think waiting for a mean spirited person to become nice is usually a waste of time.

[tcleberg]

I'm 21, so I don't really know what people are like over a long period of time yet, but I suspect that change occurs extremely slowly if at all.

On the subject of jerkness, most of the time when I see women reacting to a guy who's a jerk, it (quickly) becomes some version of "just how he is". Example:

"Um, did you hear David call you a f***ing c***bag whore?"
"Haha, yeah, that's just David."
"Yeah, but he killed your mom and robbed you too."
"Oh, that David, he's such a David."