Disadvantages of dating a doctor or med student...

[mmbt0ne]

No seriously though IFX, come on down to Atlanta and we can talk about falling in love with med school girls who don't feel the same and giving them everything only to have them rip your heart out.

Since I have a feeling I'm a few months further along in the process than you I can tell you that it gets better. Especially once you really convince yourself that regardless of what happens you will never get back together with her. In a little bit it'll still suck to think about, but you'll be a lot better at not thinking about it. At least, until someone else starts a thread on the exact same topic. [img]/images/graemlins/tongue.gif[/img]

[MicroBob]

I am friends with a young couple who are a school-teacher and med-student respectively. He puts in those 24-hour+ shifts at his residency and he's really tired A LOT but their relationship just looks awesome to me and they strike me as one of the healthiest couples I have ever known. Such impressions can sometimes be inaccurate but they are so respectful of each other and seem to be so healthy that I can't help but try to emulate certain positive aspects of their relationship into my own relationship.

Conversely, some of the stuff about your girl just seem so damn disrespectful of you as a person. This girl has issues and I don't think there's an easy fix.


My GF is a nurse at a pretty busy hospital and her stress really gets to her sometimes. Kind of tough to go about other parts of the day when some patient who you were just talking to ends up dying unexpectedly and you spent however long trying to save them.
Most of the time though she just spends all day changing IV's and helping patients go to the bathroom and dealing with occasional wacky blood, vomit and feces situations and I have no idea how people actually get used to that.

It's not exactly the same pressure and stress as being a med-student or going through a residency...but the general stuff about high-stress and long, over-tiring shifts are at least somewhat similar.
But she doesn't treat me like that nor would I tolerate it if she did. There's just no reason or excuse for it.

The subject-line of your post implies that her med-student status is the crux of your relationship problems and I really don't think it is.

[mmbt0ne]

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The subject-line of your post implies that her med-student status is the crux of your relationship problems and I really don't think it is.

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I agree with a good bit of this.

However, like Irieguy said and I responded to earlier the whole "looking down upon" thing is pretty noticeable, and I think it affects a non-doctor male dating a doctor female much more due to the whole male being the provider/protector thing.

[MicroBob]

I can see how that can happen.
But I still think that's a personality flaw as much as anything else.
Some doctors are susceptible to such ego problems and others aren't.

My GF generally dislikes most doctors because so many give off the attitude of being borderline God. But some doctors are generally respectful of nurses and other people and do not give off such an attitude.

Some people are nuts...other people aren't. And it doesn't necessarily take med-school to make them one way or the other.

IFX's gal might not be quite so high-and-mighty if she did something other than medicine. But I suspect she would still look down on him somewhat similarly and they would still have problems.
Her relationship with her hyper-Mom and their argument about the oil-change and the fact that she seems to practically directly take after her REALLY says a lot imo.

Insisting that she change his oil for him and not even allowing him to do it how he directly stated he preferred probably has less to do with anything that med-school has done to her.
That type of stuff in her personality might be partly responsible for her going into med-school in the first place however.

[SlowHabit]

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A year later when I came home, three weeks after I got back, she broke up with me. I was devastated...

then all of a sudden she wrote to me on AIM and we got back together because she said, "we were never able to give it a chance."

... I paid for her plane ticket for a 2 week trip to California over the summer, and I've always been there for her no matter what.

Well, she is an only child. She can be stubborn sometimes, but she is always stressed. She says that if she can't put 100% into something, then she shouldn't do it at all.

She's busy. She started getting behind on her work because she never got a break, and since the stress is building, our relationship was the first to go. She is very selfish and always tries to blame other people for her stress when all she needs to do is calm down and relax, but she can't. She has trouble sleeping at night and of course, it's some external event like her neighbor, me, doors slamming, or the light coming into her window. She wears earplugs at night just so that she can't hear any noise.



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Well I had 3 girlfriends through medical school and 2 through residency, so I guess I can comment with some experience.

First, this girl is crazy.

Second, she is not going to be a neurosurgeon. Wearing earplugs when you sleep is one of those automatic disqualifiers from ultra-high level functioning. There aren't any neurosurgeons that use earplugs or eyemasks or "sounds of nature" CDs to sleep. They sleep standing up. So you can start by imagining how she is going to handle the "stress" of not doing as well as she wants to in medical school and having to change her mind about her specialty. She almost certainly won't end up in a surgical specialty and will almost certainly change specialties after her first year of residency (assuming she makes it through med school.)

I understand what it is like to fall for girls that are crazy or who generally suck. Knowing that doesn't make it any easier to lose them, but it IS important to eventually acknowledge the fact that you can never find sublime happiness if your S.O. is nuts.

To answer your general question, as a dude there aren't any explicit disadvantages to dating a med student or physician. As long as you are comfortable with the fact that whenever you meet her professional friends they will quietly or not so quietly be thinking that she is dating below herself because that's what traditionally successful people think about all other people.

Ah, I have to run to work... but that's the important stuff anyhow.

Irieguy

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I was going to say something in the tone of "it's not the occupation, it's her" so thanks for not making me look too negative [img]/images/graemlins/smirk.gif[/img]

[adsman]

Italian,

Your post title should read, "Disadvantages of Dating a High Maintanence chick." The med thing really has nothing to do with your problems here. If it wasn't the med thing it would be something else. She is extremely high maintanence which basicly translates to a life of pain. Do you want a life of pain?

Oh, and another thing. Based on what you've written, you've been bending over backwards to accomodate this chick. Big mistake. This justifies her behaviour and also devalues your own status in the relationship. At some point you need to put your foot down and be the man in the relationship. Otherwise they'll just walk all over you because they know that they can.

[daxtrader]

Exactly. Her being a med student has nothing to do with it. If she really liked you, she'd put in the effort to make it work. It's just that simple. You need to judge her by her actions instead of her words. Women like this can be very manipulative. They'll sweet talk you when they're in need and make all the dumb excuses in the world when they're bored of you.

She contacted you after 2 years saying some b/s about never giving the relationship a chance. Now she's behaving the same way she did before. With a woman like her, don't trust her words anymore. Make your decision according to her actions.

[emil3000]

Make her move to Sweden and chill out. Med school's a piece of cake here, and ime doctor's rarely work more than 50 hrs/week unless in research or something. Pay sucks tho of course.

[garcia1000]

Best of!

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She started getting behind on her work because she never got a break, and since the stress is building, our relationship was the first to go.

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She is very selfish and always tries to blame other people for her stress

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If I would talk to a girl and she found out, it would turn into a fiasco. But she can go through her days talking to guys all the time, in fact, her neighbor in the med school dorms is a guy from Philly and I'm not supposed to care at all.

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she felt like she had to accompany me as a guest

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She just likes to know that I'd be there when she wanted me to.


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After she broke up with me I asked her if she would have broken up with me if I transferred, and she said she would have. That sucked because she wanted me to transfer to be closer, yet if I would have, it would have been a mistake because I get 100% free tuition through the military where I go now.

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She openly admits that she didn't put me first.

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I think she wants to keep me around, but doesn't want the obligation to have to call me or worry about talking to me.

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[cpitt398]

didnt read anything but the title and Im not sure if this has been mentioned, but when you bang a nurse (or elementry school teacher) for the first time, you will end up sick for like a week.