Disadvantages of dating a doctor or med student...

[ItalianFX]

[ QUOTE ]
I'm a doctor who married another doctor. We both agree that it is a huge advantage having a spouse who understands the stresses of our jobs without question. It makes our lives much easier not to have to explain why we need to cancel plans, are just too tired to go out, need to vent, or don't feel like talking some days when we get home. That doesn't mean that it can't work, but you are going to need to be very flexible/understanding.

If she is serious about being a neurosurgeon then medical school will be the good times. Once residency starts, you won't be seeing nearly as much of her. She will be working long hours, including nights and weekends. Her free time will mostly be spent sleeping.

This isn't meant to be all doom and gloom. If your relationship is strong, then you will work it out. It's not such a unique situation. Plenty of successful relationships have made it through tough times where work has to take priority.

[/ QUOTE ]

I'm like the most flexible/understanding guy on the planet. I told her I'd be there to support her no matter what the cost and I'd be willing to go wherever she gets a residency. I was prepared to do what I needed to do.

I really don't mind not going out. I actually favor not going out to going out as I am money conscious. I like to just hang out and spend time together rather than being in a large group and banging into each other.

Well, we aren't together. She just called me a little bit ago and I was telling her about my 35 hour day and she basically got the attitude that she didn't have time to talk to me anymore.

[7ontheline]

Doctors are busy, but in this case it really seems like a secondary issue. She just doesn't seem to want to be with you. I wouldn't want to be with someone who handled stress as poorly as she seems to anyway. Medical school is not THAT hard. It's busy, and difficult, but give me a break. It just gets worse in residency, especially if she wants to be a neurosurgeon. If she's already not putting effort into keeping a relationship together, it's not going to magically be better later.

[ItalianFX]

[ QUOTE ]
I am currently dating a 1st-year med student. Yes, it takes planning, work and patience, but it just doesn't sound like your girl is that into you.

[/ QUOTE ]

I've talked to her everyday since we broke up. I think she wants to keep me around, but doesn't want the obligation to have to call me or worry about talking to me. I've always told her I don't mind if she doesn't call because I know what she is working towards. She agrees, but it's never good enough because she'll sit there and think about calling me and when she doesn't call she feels like I'll get upset. Which reminds me...she's also the type who tries to feel for other people, so even when I'm perfectly fine, she thinks I'm upset because she would be upset. I told her to stop thinking about how I feel and just let things go, but that is never good enough.

[Irieguy]

[ QUOTE ]
A year later when I came home, three weeks after I got back, she broke up with me. I was devastated...

then all of a sudden she wrote to me on AIM and we got back together because she said, "we were never able to give it a chance."

... I paid for her plane ticket for a 2 week trip to California over the summer, and I've always been there for her no matter what.

Well, she is an only child. She can be stubborn sometimes, but she is always stressed. She says that if she can't put 100% into something, then she shouldn't do it at all.

She's busy. She started getting behind on her work because she never got a break, and since the stress is building, our relationship was the first to go. She is very selfish and always tries to blame other people for her stress when all she needs to do is calm down and relax, but she can't. She has trouble sleeping at night and of course, it's some external event like her neighbor, me, doors slamming, or the light coming into her window. She wears earplugs at night just so that she can't hear any noise.



[/ QUOTE ]

Well I had 3 girlfriends through medical school and 2 through residency, so I guess I can comment with some experience.

First, this girl is crazy.

Second, she is not going to be a neurosurgeon. Wearing earplugs when you sleep is one of those automatic disqualifiers from ultra-high level functioning. There aren't any neurosurgeons that use earplugs or eyemasks or "sounds of nature" CDs to sleep. They sleep standing up. So you can start by imagining how she is going to handle the "stress" of not doing as well as she wants to in medical school and having to change her mind about her specialty. She almost certainly won't end up in a surgical specialty and will almost certainly change specialties after her first year of residency (assuming she makes it through med school.)

I understand what it is like to fall for girls that are crazy or who generally suck. Knowing that doesn't make it any easier to lose them, but it IS important to eventually acknowledge the fact that you can never find sublime happiness if your S.O. is nuts.

To answer your general question, as a dude there aren't any explicit disadvantages to dating a med student or physician. As long as you are comfortable with the fact that whenever you meet her professional friends they will quietly or not so quietly be thinking that she is dating below herself because that's what traditionally successful people think about all other people.

Ah, I have to run to work... but that's the important stuff anyhow.

Irieguy

[ItalianFX]

[ QUOTE ]
Doctors are busy, but in this case it really seems like a secondary issue. She just doesn't seem to want to be with you. I wouldn't want to be with someone who handled stress as poorly as she seems to anyway. Medical school is not THAT hard. It's busy, and difficult, but give me a break. It just gets worse in residency, especially if she wants to be a neurosurgeon.

[/ QUOTE ]

She gets it from her mother who is always on edge like you wouldn't believe. Her mom constantly cleans, cuts the grass everyday during the summer, always has to be doing something, gets pissed at the smallest little thing. Her parents went to California with us and her mom got so stressed out about some little things that it actually made me mad and I let her know that I was pissed.

A couple months ago I needed my oil changed. My g/f wanted to do it and SHE wanted to do it. Well, we go out and get the filters and oil and go back to her house to do it. Her dad comes out to check out what is going on and is basically poking his head in to make sure she is doing it right. Then her mom comes out and gets stressed out because it looks like the oil won't hit the pan, and then her and her mom start yelling at each other. I told her to settle down and not to talk to her mother that way, and she got mad at me. So I said put the car down and I'll go to the place I normally go to. She said no and ended up finishing it up. So then I'm pissed at my g/f and her and I are arguing and her mom is inside listening, blah blah blah. Yeah.

[mmbt0ne]

[ QUOTE ]
To answer your general question, as a dude there aren't any explicit disadvantages to dating a med student or physician. As long as you are comfortable with the fact that whenever you meet her professional friends they will quietly or not so quietly be thinking that she is dating below herself because that's what traditionally successful people think about all other people.

[/ QUOTE ]

Ugh, true.

[keikiwai]

[ QUOTE ]


She gets stressed when we plan on when we can see each other too. So we let things work themselves out

[/ QUOTE ]

idk, i think irieguy got it

if you can't get past this, it's not gonna work imo

[kafkaFan1]

hey italian, you sound like a great guy but to be honest, i can't say the same about the girl you are with. I think you are hearing words coming out of her mouth where she tells you how much she loves you... but i don't believe them becuase she is saying one thing, and then DOING SOMETHING ELSE entirely. she seems pretty crazy and the problem doesn't seem to be that she's a doctor or whatnot, she doesn't seem to like you nearly as much as you like her. granted i dont have much experience with girls but that is my read on the situation. gl.

[MicroBob]

I think the problems have more to do with the type of person she is then the fact that she's a medical-student.
Somebody said this girl is crazy and I agree. That oil-change incident is nuts and she would behave in such a way regardless of her med-student status.

Yeah, she's going to have stress and long hours. I get that.
But I don't think your problems are necessarily universal to all people who date med-students. It's more her own personality and problems.

In short, I think you would have a lot of these exact same problems if she was an office-secretary or waitress or school-teacher.


About the whole "she's the one" thing:
There are other gals out there...and some that you WILL mesh with better or will treat you better.
I've been around the block a tad and am still something of a hopeless romantic and have been in and out of love more than once and also married and divorced.

Lost love and heartbreak suck. Especially when you're younger and perhaps less secure and/or experienced I think although I don't know if that's the case for you.
But if you can have confidence in yourself then you will be able to fall in love with someone new and great and you can learn from your mistakes.

It really sounds like your current relationship is not a healthy one AT ALL and even if you make it work and solve a couple of the problems now you are just going to have some repeating-pattern type things continue to happen probably for as long as you are with this person.

[Pat Southern]

The problem isn't that she's a med student, or going to be a doctor.
The problem seems to be that she's not capable of holding down a relationship and that she doesn't trust you.