Should I have a second kid?

[captZEEbo]

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Has anyone been divorced? How much does it cost? Actually if I had a set amt to pay for support and that ish I was thinking I might come out ahead.

[/ QUOTE ]you're totally not selfish man, I don't know what your wife was talking about

[ronmacdonald]

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Jesus Christ, I'm extremely happily married and LOVE being a father and I'M scared as Hell of having a second one. OP, if you are serious, do NOT have another kid. Get yourselves into couples therapy pronto.

[/ QUOTE ]only difference is second one is arriving shortly

[unfrgvn]

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My wife and I have a two year old. Unfortunately we have all kinds of marital problems to go with it. Two weeks ago she was pressing for divorce. Now she says she wants to have a second kid. For the record she is extremely wishy washy and this type of ridiculousness is standard for her. Whats my play?

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This is obviously an angle shot to get more child support. Do not have another kid.

[mickii]

I told her I wanted to wait at least to align birth with the end of the year giving me 4 months or so to re-evaluate. I tend to agree with the consensus that divorce is the best option. I really don't want to lose my kid though obviously. Plus my inlaws are retarded dirtbags and I don't want my kid to end up like them. That is the main source of my concern.

[tuq]

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I told her I wanted to wait at least to align birth with the end of the year

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Well at least you'll get laid then!

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giving me 4 months or so

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Ooh, bad math FTL.

[NicksDad1970]

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OP, I foresee a thread like this in your future.

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Hmmmmm, you have a good memory.

[Ser William]

This thread is so god damn depressing. How do people let their lives get f*cked up like this.

[MurphNKY]

First of all, I'm sorry to hear you're having such turmoil in your marriage. It can be - especially, when a child is involved - an awful, overwhelming, consuming time. I feel for you and hope that you find maybe some guidance or direction from serious replies posted here.

I'll give you some solid advice off the top of my head that maybe will give you some groundwork for choosing a path. Take it or leave it..but, I do wish you well my friend.

1) DO NOT ON ANY LEVEL have another child until a definite decision is made on your future with your wife.

The last thing you, your wife or your unborn future child need is for this to happen. You have another child without resolving the issues you have now and things will swoon downhill quickly. The stress involved in the process will take a toll on both of you bc the issues you two face will only escalate.

My concern for you would be what outlets you would take to escape from that sort of escalation. Being here, I'd guess you have some gambling tendencies? God help you if that's your escape. Drink? Stay away...More? I can't telly ou how many times I've seen this turn into extramarital affairs.

Bottom line, you're going to be/feel trapped if you don't work things out and she gets prego. If things worsen, you're going to rebel in some way. Think of your child...your future child...and you two. It needs to be avoided.

2) Take a LONG HARD DEEP look in the mirror.

Your wife may be a motherless c**t, she may be ruthless and - god forbid - hate OOTers...but, and this is key, somewhere along the line, you had an equal role in letting your marriage get to where it is now.

Stop pointing the finger solely in her direction and - if you want to work things out and have another child - start figure out what it is that you can do to be a better man, a better husband and father to do EVERYTHING you can to make things better.

Find out where along the line you two stopped meeting each other's basic needs. What is it that you are missing? Why are you missing it? Talk about that with her...find out internally where you are and be honest, be real.

My guess is...and I know this from experience...being a man...you have communication issues. Work on communicating, both with her and with yourself....do some digging, dig deep and find out what the REAL issues are..both with you and with her.

Do it for your child...you may find out that there's something there.

3) Get Therapy immediately if you want to work it out/have another child.

So many have aversions to therapy ... and you may too. I ask you to consider one thing...what do you lose by giving it a shot? Nothing...you go, and it works, your marriage is salvaged and you have an intact family. You go and it works...my bet is you, on some level, repair some issues but learn that it just isnt' salvagable and you part amicably. Hopefully.

Your child is owed you both taking a chance with a therapist. Being imperfect human beings who have trouble communicating with tough issues like this...sometimes we need help breaking the walls down and TRULY communicating. Myabe you'll be surprised how it turns out...

It has worked for many and I hope you give it a shot....

Finally, I'll leave you with this, the worst thing you can do is not take action in some way on fixing or figure out if your marriage is sslavagable.

Inactivity will lead to wasted time...and, as many of you post 30 are probably well aware, it is AMAZING how fast time flies once you hit a certain age.

Take control of your life and your situation and find out wehther or not you go forward or dissolve what was created. If you take the bull by the horns and get therapy and begin this process...less wasted time, a chance your marriage is saved and, if not, odds are...you part on better terms and your child sees that, while Mommy and Daddy aren't together, at least they respect each other.

This is not going to be an easy time for you...but, your family, your child...you..are worth it. Don't cheat yourself by doing nothing.

Good luck...I'll look forward to updates.

Murph