BBV Anonymous Confessions

[tvta]

BUMP

best thread ever. more stories please.

[adanthar]

I don't remember the password for that email account and don't have time right now anyway, but if anyone wants to start a sequel to this thread with the same rules, feel free (respected posters only please, I'd rather not have any unexpected dramabombs.)

[Quagmyer]

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I see why this guy wants to be anonymous, though

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I have a [censored] load,some or maybe even all of them suck ass, but oh well. You can choose to post
whichever ones, if any at all.

Lets see, where to start...

When I was a kid I used to sneak into my brothers room when he was at work and watch his pornos on
VHS and bang out some knuckle children on his bed.
I would make sure to memorize to a tee where the vid started and when I was done with my session I
would rewind back to the original spot.

I use to also sneak into his room, steal his weed and replace it with oregano, numerous times a
week. One time he bought a large quantity and it was like mother [censored] christmas! I even stole
some and would sell it to my friends.


Back around '96,'97 I had friend who I hung out with who had a pretty hot girlfriend, but for some
reason he loved banging fat chicks. We would go out to clubs and he would just hit on fat whores.
Now mind you I've been known to go harpooning once or a dozen times myself, but if I had a gf as
hot as his was,I wouldn't even think about any other skanks. Anyways he finds this one corpulent
cow that he wants to hook up with at the club. He gets her number and what not and asks me if I
want to go with him cuz she has a roommate (who by the way is an obese butterball as well). Both
those chicks are pigs, both literally and sexually. So we go there on a friday night, they had just
got back from the bar and were trashed. So we walk in and see the one porker my friend is going
to hook up with but the other one that i'm supposed to hook with is no where to be seen. So her fat
friend is sitting there giggling like the chunky little troll she is, when we hear a noise coming
from th
e bedroom. I'm like "wtf". She goes into the room and I here laughing and whispering and 10
minutes later I see some drunk ass dude stumbling out of the bedroom with the missing roommate
behind, pushing him along and trying to kick him out as if it wasn't planned for him to be there [censored]
her fat, greasy ass. So this [censored] beached Orca whale is now thinking i'm going to [censored] her
after she's [censored] some dude in the bedroom as I walk in their house! LMFAO! So she plants her
gigantic frame on the couch and basically falls asleep while my friend is getting a hand job by jabba
the [censored] on the other couch next to me. Thankfully they went to the bedroom to finish, while miss
piggy lie snoring on the couch and me watching late night infomercials.


The first time I had sex was a nightmare. I was 18, she was a 27 year old dead head hippie chick
who lived above my friend. Not the the hottest chick but she had big old titties and I was eager
to get laid. So we get all drunk one night and end up playing strip dice (we didn't have cards) So
eventually I end up in her room we are messing around and I really don't know how to proceed so I
think to myself "well in the pornos the guy always eats the chicks puss out before they bang so I
should do that"

Bad idea.

I start to go down south and near her hatchet wound when i see a giant afro and worse yet, this
stench starts to hit me. I mean it smells like the old 59 cent soft tacos from Taco Bell.
Basically it reeks of hot garbage. I'm like, "well i gotta do what i gotta do I guess" when she stops me
(thankfully) from chowing down on her gash. She flat out tells me, "You can't, I haven't showered
yet today". Okay so now i'm really freaked out,all i wanna do is end my virginity and blow my
load.

I try my best to ignore what just happened but I can't even cum i'm so freaked and grossed out.
Basically i don't end up blowing my load, and just like a mutual aggreement that we end for the
night. She's like, "oh i came what a beautiful thing" Those were her exact words but I think she was
full of [censored] cuz i was really grossed out by the whole sewer snatch thing. Anyways I wake up the
next morning and start walking home, I don't even notice anything till i get out side and see
blood on my fingers. I'm like "wtf how did I cut my self" It's all over my hands and they smell awful.
Then i look down and notice blood on my t-shirt, I'm like "god damn i must of really been drunk i
didn't even feel myself get cut last night"
I get home and start to clean my self up and change when I look down and see it- blood,
everywhere, all over my [censored] and balls, everywhere. I'm really bugging out thinking I cut my dick somehow
but then i realize that this dirty whore had her period all over me while i was [censored] and that's
why she didn't let me eat her [censored]. I swear my finger stunk like period scum for a week. I dont'
know why but i gotta a bunch of nasty pussy eating stories, another time I ate out some spanish
stripper whore (who was also a prostiute) while getting a lapdance at a strip joint.

Anyways, maybe these sucks balls but i'm bored today. I know of more [censored] but this is getting
entirely too long.

Be safe and beware of stinky pussy and fat whores.

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best one yet???

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I cant even breathe after reading this one. brilliant

[Quicksilvre]

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This man can't even get email to work

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just tried e-mailing and the address doesn't work. so basically all of these have been adanthar so far.

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This is the best one.

[Diamond Lie]

bump

[Jazzy3113]

I dont know if this is really that bad. In college I lived in the frat house one year. Sometimes I would keep leftover food in the fridge if me and my roomates fridge was full.

If I didnt collect the food within 24 hours and it was gone I felt it was no big deal. Brothers get drunk and its a public fridge.

However, for a month our mini fridge was down and i had to keep my food in the public one and it kept getting eaten. When your in college, buying meals twice can add up.

So I had a friend help me make brownies but we put laxative in them. Of course the jerks who ate my food got sick.

[beernutz]

Prenup, yo?
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The answer to all those questions OOT asks itself daily

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When I was 23 (4 years ago) I went to the gym quite a bit. My lifting partner and I were pretty buff at that point and looked good (BEEFCAAAAAAKE!). We made fun of everyone else at the gym on a daily basis between ourselves and were horribly mean because we viewed them as inferior. One of the girls that came to the gym had terrible looking frizzy, curly hair, overweight by like 30 pounds, never talked to anyone, and was a rumored lesbian. She looked to be about 21 or 22. We made fun of her constantly. One day as I was leaving the gym I saw her in front of me walking to her car, she got into a brand new Range Rover as I walked to my old Honda. I suddenly saw the light. The next time I saw her at the gym I started talking to her and found out who her stepdad was through conversation. I found out that he bought and sold shopping malls and owned a very well known company in my city. I asked another person at the gym if he knew who she was and he laughed and mentioned how ugly she was and I laughed along with him. Then he told me her family was probably worth in excess of $100 million. I stopped laughing. I grew up poor (750 sq. ft house for 5 kids and parents) and I didn't want to be poor anymore. I launched an all out romantic attack on her, we started going out, she still may have been a lesbain but I didn't care, we eventually moved in together, I still couldn't look at her without cringing, and 2 years later we got married. This woman is now my wife.

Beat: I probably married a lesbian
Brag: Her parents bought us a $600,000 house in a country club subdivision that he owns for our wedding present and I work for her dad managing part of his real estate portfolio. I'm on salary at $240,000 a year. Her trust fund pays her $8800/month until she's 30 and she will receive a $10 million lump sum on her 30th birthday. He's 73 now and not doing well, the inheritance will be sick since he didn't have any kids on his own due to completely immersing himself in his business his entire life. I love the money, my wife can't cook and she's ugly, but I'm rich.
Variance: I married someone that I hate and can't look.

My advice to anyone thinking of doing the same thing, swallow your pride and marry the first time for money and the second time for love.

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[DonkeyKing]

K... Love the thread but I'm tired of hearing depressing stories, time for a funny one (all my closest friends know this story):

Right out of high school I had an interview for Nintendo to be a product tester. So I'm running late to my interview obv and driving in an area very unfamiliar to me. I'm about 5 minutes away from the Nintendo campus and I really REALLY have to take a dump like never before in my life. The feeling didn't just creep up on me, it completely blitzed my bowels. Anyway, I'm trying hard to find a gas station, or some place where I can pull over quick and use a bathroom. Nothing but residential areas in upper-middle class suburbia. 2 minutes into my bowels totally pwning my (_o_), I absolutely can't take it and I have no idea how close I am to the Nintendo campus. So, I pull into a quiet, yet somewhat nice neighborhood and quickly park my car. No bushes around so I run into some dudes really nice backyard and take a gigantic crap on their back lawn. I find the nearest leaf and wipe my ass and head off to the interview.

Anyway, I finally get to my interview and I interview with the head of product development for Nintendo for about an hour and a half. To make the interview that more challenging to stay focused, the guy had one glass eye and the other one was cross eye. He would look down take notes, look up and both eyes would be messed up. We're talking much worse than that South Park teacher with saggy ( . ) ( . ). I couldn't tell which eye was the good one and which eye was the bad one. About 10 minutes into the interview, I told myself, eff it, I'm gonna focus on the right eye. Nicest guy in the world and we hit it off quite well. So well, he offered me the job on the spot. As I was walking out with him on the way out, I took a closer look and I realized I was looking at the fake eye the entire time. I'm not sure if that's bad or good but what an uncomfortable day that was.

[Curse]

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change IRuleYouHard's title to vampire?

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Vagina Vampire

[phishguy]

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K... Love the thread but I'm tired of hearing depressing stories, time for a funny one (all my closest friends know this story):

Right out of high school I had an interview for Nintendo to be a product tester. So I'm running late to my interview obv and driving in an area very unfamiliar to me. I'm about 5 minutes away from the Nintendo campus and I really REALLY have to take a dump like never before in my life. The feeling didn't just creep up on me, it completely blitzed my bowels. Anyway, I'm trying hard to find a gas station, or some place where I can pull over quick and use a bathroom. Nothing but residential areas in upper-middle class suburbia. 2 minutes into my bowels totally pwning my (_o_), I absolutely can't take it and I have no idea how close I am to the Nintendo campus. So, I pull into a quiet, yet somewhat nice neighborhood and quickly park my car. No bushes around so I run into some dudes really nice backyard and take a gigantic crap on their back lawn. I find the nearest leaf and wipe my ass and head off to the interview.

Anyway, I finally get to my interview and I interview with the head of product development for Nintendo for about an hour and a half. To make the interview that more challenging to stay focused, the guy had one glass eye and the other one was cross eye. He would look down take notes, look up and both eyes would be messed up. We're talking much worse than that South Park teacher with saggy ( . ) ( . ). I couldn't tell which eye was the good one and which eye was the bad one. About 10 minutes into the interview, I told myself, eff it, I'm gonna focus on the right eye. Nicest guy in the world and we hit it off quite well. So well, he offered me the job on the spot. As I was walking out with him on the way out, I took a closer look and I realized I was looking at the fake eye the entire time. I'm not sure if that's bad or good but what an uncomfortable day that was.

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Worst confession ever???