My Hooker Story

[Niwa]

interesting read [img]/images/graemlins/smile.gif[/img]

[britspin]

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While seniority will always be held in favorable light, in this case it doesn't matter. Is it better than most on this board? It shouldn't matter, the best of the worst doesn't make it good. If you disagree with any critique I have, let me know.

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OK,. I disagree with your critique because you are clearly a nitpicking idiot with all the charm and good humour of an anally violated grizzly bear.

You have a massively overinflated sense of your own brilliance as a literary critic. Let me explain a few small things to you.

1. Extra detail is not a bad thing in writing. This is because first person description can build the readers understanding of both setting and the narrative voice of the author. Would rainman write differently to tarzan or einstein? Of course. Is Proust's descriptiveness of a biscuit kind of important to his story, yeah, kinda.

If you can make it interesting, can use it to build atmosphere or to develop character you can go on for pages about the smallest detail.

2. You don't seem to understand humour, only exposition. Man goes to Vegas to pick up hookers and fails- that could be funny. Man goes to vegas to attend pick up academy, than fails to sleep with hooker? Hilarious.

3. Two words. Unreliable Narrator.

I'll stop now, because your critique was so woeful it hurts me to go further.

[throwitback]

after reading all this im suprised no one said graph in bi's

[daryn]

the thing that makes bruiser stories funny is that they are 100% legit and real. his brutal honesty is very funny.

[Rabbit B.]

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Full of crap

-britspin

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If you consider what I wrote "nitpicking", then obviously you're retarded. Buy a grammar book, then read the hundred mistakes he made. That's nitpicking. I wrote about things that took away from the story.

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Extra detail is not a bad thing in writing.

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Here's a quote from "Moon Tiger" that I think explains this idea very well.

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There was a spaniel on board the Mayflower. This little dog, once, was chased by wolves not far from the plantation and ran to crouch between its master's legs 'for succour' ... What I found remarkable about this animal is that I should know of its existence at all, that its unimportant passage through time should be recorded. It becomes one of those vital inessentials that convince one that history is true.

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Now, reread what he wrote about clothes, talking to some girl about poker and money etc. They're not essiental in any way. They TAKE from the story, which is a huge fault. He didn't write details, he wrote dumb ramblings. If you want to argue this, you're a moron.

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Man goes to vegas to attend pick up academy, than fails to sleep with hooker?

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Maybe. If he focused on the irony of it, it's good. If he wrote it where I could see the climax without distracting crap, it would be great (to you).

Read more kid. This isn't about me not understanding humor, this is about poor presentation.

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I'll stop now, because your critique was so woeful it hurts me to go further.

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Maybe you take another step and stop breathing.

[Rabbit B.]

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the thing that makes bruiser stories funny is that they are 100% legit and real. his brutal honesty is very funny.

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Wow. Some guy is honest about his shortcomings. Revo-[censored]-lutionary.

By the way, how do you know it's 100% real? I didn't really want to tackle this, since it's the basic assumption that everything on the internet has to be real, but who says that since he's writing about shortcomings they have to be real? Maybe he just thinks it's funnier. Maybe you're getting played.

I personally won't argue for or against it, because of one thing: it's not about whether it's 100% real. It's about how funny it is and its presentation.

[bdams19]

holy [censored] 900 bucks for 4 minutes

[britspin]

[ QUOTE ]
Now, reread what he wrote about clothes, talking to some girl about poker and money etc. They're not essiental in any way. They TAKE from the story, which is a huge fault. He didn't write details, he wrote dumb ramblings. If you want to argue this, you're a moron.



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OK, slowly this time, for the hard of thinking.

The fact that OP and his friend talked about conspiracy theories and sat around in bars instead of picking up girls was relevant and interesting because it established character and motivation for the later part of the story.

I don't know OP from Adam but I got an impression of him and JC from what you persist in thinking is irrelevant detail. Without that, the story is just two guys doing stupid things, with it, you have sympathy for the characters.

I'll wager you've never written anything half as entertaining as the OP. Patronising and boorish on the other hand, you've got nailed.

Come on, post and lets see.

[Hollywade]

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I spilt my drink

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This is not a word.

Also, you suck at life and I thoroughly dislike you, your friend, and everyone like you.

It will be a cold day in hell when I pay for sex.

[Grasshopp3r]

Why didn't you ask the concierge? That is what they are there for.