boot camp and military stories

jackflashdrive · #1 07-17-2007, 04:46 PM

If you have any interesting observations or stories from your time in the military, please post them here. I'll get things started in a seperate post.

jackflashdrive · #2 07-17-2007, 05:11 PM

Observations and snippets from my time in bootcamp and naval nuclear power school.

Boot Camp:

- In boot camp they gas you so that you get practice donning a mask correctly, and so that you are not afraid of tear gas. This involves bringing 80 people into a small room (5 recruits wide by 16 long) and turning the gas on. Recruits are let out five at a time, but before they can leave they have to remove the mask and answer questions. Almost everyone pukes, the only question is if you can hold it until you get outside. Everyone who pukes in the tiny room has to go in afterwards to clean it up. I was in the back of the room standing next to someone who did not put his mask on correctly. He was writhing and puking into his mask for a good 15 minutes before he got out.

- Black people cannot swim. Obviously in the Navy you need to know how to swim, and anyone who can't has to take swim lessons. Almost all the black guys in our group (and almost no whites) had to attend swim lessons. Imagine walking by the pool and seeing 15 huge black guys hanging onto the side of the pool and practicing their kicks.

- On the day of the swim test you have to walk off of a REALLY high diving board and then swim for a period of time. One guy in our group was kind of weak and ended up crapping in the pool. Let me tell you that the Navy seals in the pool (to insure nobody drowned) were not at all happy with that. The pool had to be shut down for the entire day so that it could be drained and cleaned, which was a huge disruption. (How bad does a Navy Seal have to feck up to get assigned boot camp pool duty anyway?).

Nuclear Power School

- Most people are not aware that the nuclear reactors on Navy vessels (carriers, submarines, etc.) are run by 20-year-old kids. At one point during my time in NPS someone started building terd sculptures in the bathroom. Obviously, the Navy really wanted to find out tbe identity of this disturbed individual before he got his hands on the nuclear control rods. Naval investigative service was called in. They did DNA tests and whatnot. Unfortuntely, they determined that he was using other people's waste and we were enouraged to flush. The Phantom Sh*tter (as he was known) was not caught while I was there.

- After the formal book learning you go to Nuclear Prototype training to practice on a real reactor. Here's how it worked in Charleston: They have two old nuclear submarines that had the propeller removed and replaced with a propeller-like device that does not actually propel. These subs are welded to the pier and otherwise fully operational. So these kids who are not old enough to drink alcohol legally practice running a nuclear reactor in Charleston harbor. I've heard numerous stories of radioactive coolant accidentally discharged in Charleston harbor (oops, wrong valve). The consequences of reporting such an event are such that these events do not get formally reported.

I have a number of other stories but these are just some highlights. My best friend was a nuclear chemist and he has a really amazing story that involves a recently promoted Chief Pettery Officer too big for his britches, a grease gun, an orifice, and a totally unsupervised reactor plant on an aircraft carrier.

slickpoppa · #3 07-17-2007, 06:22 PM

[censored] had a really interesting story from back when he was in the military that he posted about in OOT, but I can't find it. Maybe someone who knows what I'm talking about can find it. I don't want to ruin the story.

Evan · #4 07-17-2007, 07:33 PM

[ QUOTE ]
[censored] had a really interesting story from back when he was in the military that he posted about in OOT, but I can't find it. Maybe someone who knows what I'm talking about can find it. I don't want to ruin the story.

[/ QUOTE ]
http://archiveserver.twoplustwo.com/...te_id/1#import

4drugmoney · #5 07-17-2007, 10:59 PM

On the crucible (basically the culminataion of Marine Corps boot camp) One morning we were given like 20 seconds to dry shave. I missed a huge spot on my face. My DI flipped out, went to his tent and returned with a handful of shaving cream. He slapped the [censored] out my face with the shaving cream, and said fix yourself. While I did he asked "Is your Mom coming to graduation" I said "YES SIR" he says "Good Im going slap the [censored] out of her slutty ass too." I was so pissed

The funniest one was our DI woke everyone up at 1 in the morning after finding an error in somepaperwork. He made our "scribe" (paperwork bitch) Stand in front of a full length Mirror, pointing at himself and scream "IM NOT STUPID YOU ARE!" for about 4 hours untill the sun came up.

pig4bill · #6 07-18-2007, 12:47 AM

Wow, I came thisssssss close to joining the Navy to go to Nuclear Power School many years ago.

Big Poppa Smurf · #7 07-18-2007, 01:18 AM

Here's a good one my dad told me: Apparently you can unscrew the top of a grenade and remove the firing pin and charge, which means that when you pull the pin the grenade doesn't go off. So, he would wait until a bunch of soldiers were high as hell and then roll a dead grenade into their tent.

blacklab · #8 07-18-2007, 01:50 AM

I was a nuke as well and have a few good stories.

We had one hot chemistry teacher in Nuke Power School. The guy that sat in front of me was in love with her. He got caught staring at her [censored] one day. Later he said he was staring at them for future masturbatory reference.

She ended one lecture and asked if any one had a question. The same guy raised his hand. She was all excited as he hadn't really spoken in class yet. "It's great that you are asking a question, petty officer so-n-so"
"What does pH balanced for a woman mean?"
She left in a huff.

My second boat was the biggest collection of f ups I'd ever met. My command wanted me to reenlist bad. They would ask me every day what duty I wanted to re-up. I kept telling them general shore duty in Australia. Since they wouldn't go for that I told them no.

Then I found out there is a team of nuke electricians who work at the white house maintaining the backup diesel generators. I told them if I could get that I would reenlist. Our captain spent a few days on the phone pulling in favors and got me the billet. I then told them nah, I'll just get out. We were on a barge at the time as the sub was in drydock and you could hear the captain screaming at my chief two floors away. Luckily I only had a few weeks left so they couldn't [censored] me over too bad.

jackflashdrive · #9 07-18-2007, 02:09 AM

[ QUOTE ]
...We had one hot chemistry teacher in Nuke Power School.

[/ QUOTE ]

You just reminded me of a funny story I hadn't thought about in years. We had this incredibly hot female lieutenant teaching us mechanical theory (of all things). She was a real super biotch. I was required to study (in uniform, at school) for 40 hours per week in addition to the 40+ hours of classroom time. I don't do well on less than 7 hours of sleep and I was getting maybe 6 hours tops.

I started falling asleep in her class and after warning me a few times she got really pissed. "Petty Officer Smith, from now on any time I ask a question I want you to raise your hand to answer." "Yes m'am"

That was pretty f-in dumb of her. Because of course what happens is that 5 minutes later she asks a question like "what valves would we close to isolate this system."

I raise my hand.

"Yes, Petty Officer Smith"

"I have no idea." Now she was quite upset.

"PETTY OFFICER SMITH! Go stand up in the back of the room and take notes from there!"

This worked for about 15 minutes, but I have the ability to fall asleep standing up when I am really deprived. Next thing I know my legs give way under me and I fall to the ground with a huge CRASH (as I was falling I sort of landed on a table that I took down with me). I looked up and the whole room and lieutenant biotch were staring at me. She didn't say anything else, just waited for me to pick up my notebook before she continued.

MuresanForMVP · #10 07-18-2007, 03:07 AM

[ QUOTE ]
On the crucible (basically the culminataion of Marine Corps boot camp) One morning we were given like 20 seconds to dry shave. I missed a huge spot on my face. My DI flipped out, went to his tent and returned with a handful of shaving cream. He slapped the [censored] out my face with the shaving cream, and said fix yourself. While I did he asked "Is your Mom coming to graduation" I said "YES SIR" he says "Good Im going slap the [censored] out of her slutty ass too." I was so pissed

The funniest one was our DI woke everyone up at 1 in the morning after finding an error in somepaperwork. He made our "scribe" (paperwork bitch) Stand in front of a full length Mirror, pointing at himself and scream "IM NOT STUPID YOU ARE!" for about 4 hours untill the sun came up.

[/ QUOTE ]

Baaahahaha. Did your recruits volunteer to be scribes or were they appointed? I always wondered why people volunteered to be scribes... That's a good story though. It reminds me of the time our Plt. Sgt. told one of the guys in my platoon to stand in front of a fan and ask the fan why he was so disgusting for about 10-15 minutes. There are only so many different ways you can ask the same question to a fan...