Turning 35, or Starting the Back 9

[BPA234]

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You sound like a sad & lonely person with a chip on your shoulder.

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Although I don't really like KT' post, I definitely disagree with your perception.

[daveT]

Nice post.

I was thinking about making one like this, but I couldn't figure out a good basing for it.

From my own observations, families seem to drift apart and come back together later in life. It is only natural that you would like to know the people that built your foundation.

Coming onto 30 is half rewarding, half-depressing. I find that there are things that I dreamed of doing that I am no longer capable of doing. I can at least look back and say I did quite a bit more than what other people have done.

I still don't understand a lot of things in life. I don't understand relationships, family, and stability, although a strong desire to learn all those things is there. The hardest part is seeing that there is a vision to attain in life, and yes, I do deserve it. I don't understand how I became what I am, but I understand why I am not what I wanted to be. I can't say that I live a life full of regrets more than the next person, but it is strange to think that there are so many mental and physical changes that occur so rapidly.

It is coming onto Thanksgiving. I have a friend from England who has no clue what this day means. It is supposed to mean a day of celebration and thankfulness, but it never works out that way. I try to explain to her that it is a day that a family makes a plan to see each other: people you otherwise hate and never want to see. Wounds that are 15 or more years old re-open. I told her that this is a highly personal day for families, and it is not a day that you want to witness among strangers. That it is bad form to invite yourself to a Thanksgiving dinner. I have had Thanksgiving with about 10 different families. It is my least favorite holiday because it is supposed to be so special, but all I ever seen was tension among torn people. It is supposed to be a time to forget, but even after so many years, this contempt is still there.

Yes, torn families is the norm. Think of that [censored]: it is someone's brother, someone's son, someone's father.

[Dominic]

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Nice post.

I was thinking about making one like this, but I couldn't figure out a good basing for it.

From my own observations, families seem to drift apart and come back together later in life. It is only natural that you would like to know the people that built your foundation.

Coming onto 30 is half rewarding, half-depressing. I find that there are things that I dreamed of doing that I am no longer capable of doing. I can at least look back and say I did quite a bit more than what other people have done.

I still don't understand a lot of things in life. I don't understand relationships, family, and stability, although a strong desire to learn all those things is there. The hardest part is seeing that there is a vision to attain in life, and yes, I do deserve it. I don't understand how I became what I am, but I understand why I am not what I wanted to be. I can't say that I live a life full of regrets more than the next person, but it is strange to think that there are so many mental and physical changes that occur so rapidly.

It is coming onto Thanksgiving. I have a friend from England who has no clue what this day means. It is supposed to mean a day of celebration and thankfulness, but it never works out that way. I try to explain to her that it is a day that a family makes a plan to see each other: people you otherwise hate and never want to see. Wounds that are 15 or more years old re-open. I told her that this is a highly personal day for families, and it is not a day that you want to witness among strangers. That it is bad form to invite yourself to a Thanksgiving dinner. I have had Thanksgiving with about 10 different families. It is my least favorite holiday because it is supposed to be so special, but all I ever seen was tension among torn people. It is supposed to be a time to forget, but even after so many years, this contempt is still there.

Yes, torn families is the norm. Think of that [censored]: it is someone's brother, someone's son, someone's father.

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Well, my family is far from perfect - so am I - but I look forward to next week and going to Florida and seeing my parents, my brother, my sister and her family, and spending time with them and seeing "home" once again...

There might be some arguments and fights, but it's never mean and never without the knowledge that we love and support one another - even though, as the OP states, "my family really knows nothing about me."

As that famous quote states, "home is where, when you go there, they have to take you in."

[daveT]

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From my own observations, families seem to drift apart and come back together later in life. It is only natural that you would like to know the people that built your foundation...........


I don't understand relationships, family, and stability,

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There might be some arguments and fights, but it's never mean and never without the knowledge that we love and support one another - even though, as the OP states, "my family really knows nothing about me."



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This quote is far beyond my comprehension, though I have heard it before.

I know a girl..... edit........ and I tell her all the time that her family is........edit.........and that there is no need to know them, yet she still calls, goes back, and takes all the abuse.

It is one anecdote, and I wouldn't suggest that this is common. I only wanted to write it so that you know that I see family as a powerful bond, and am amazed at how powerful it is.

[Dominic]

nice post...if 35 is on the down escalator, where the hell am I at 44?? [img]/images/graemlins/tongue.gif[/img]

[Blarg]

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nice post...if 35 is on the down escalator, where the hell am I at 44?? [img]/images/graemlins/tongue.gif[/img]

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After that, it's more or less just slipping down the long slide toward the oblivion of Alzheimer's.

Kidding!

Anyway, chicks dig salt and pepper hair, and it's great that nobody expects you to obsess about doing and saying exactly what everybody else is doing and saying anymore, so much of the time you have left may yet rock mightily.

[pineapple888]

A couple of thoughts:

Anybody who's currently 35, absent some horrible 100% inherited illness, should plan to live WAY WAY longer than 65, with even minimal effort towards a healthy lifestyle. Unless you are dirt-poor, self-destructive, or really unlucky, 90 is more like it.

Regarding points 1-4, I'd recommend that you strive to accept flaws in yourself and others. For example, don't bother to explain everything super-precisely, or expect great results all the time, or expect your family to take a strong interest in what you are doing. The world is messy and frustrating, and raging against that fact won't change it.

Otherwise, nice moment with the birds. [img]/images/graemlins/smile.gif[/img]

[SoloAJ]

Nice writeup KT. I have a whole lot of trouble really understanding these posts when they come along, but I'm so entirely fascinated by them.

Being 22, I think I have accomplished (to some degree at least) many of the things that you're thankful for. Other things I realize I am really really far from understanding.

These posts remind me to enjoy my years building up to the turning point. However, they also make me a little sad because I always get the impression of lost dreams or shattered ideals....things I haven't necessarily gone through yet.

While I no longer think I'll be a MLB player, I still like to think I'll have a happy family and a job I love, etc. Unfortunately, there's a decent chance that those types of dreams will fade over time. These posts remind me of that fact sometimes....

[Blarg]

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Anybody who's currently 35, absent some horrible 100% inherited illness, should plan to live WAY WAY longer than 65, with even minimal effort towards a healthy lifestyle. Unless you are dirt-poor, self-destructive, or really unlucky, 90 is more like it.


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Who knows how long anyone will live. I initially planned to live forever, at many points hoped to die in my sleep, at some point realized that my family's history of quadruple bypasses meant I probably wouldn't get the life span I had originally taken for granted as a virtual divine right, and at this point have decided not to plan around things I have no control over or take so many things for granted.

OP, nice post. I found it interesting that some of your points you're hitting on in your 30's, #'s 1 and 2, describe my early 20's, when I was an absolutely ferocious reader and more intensely intellectual, and had long been an inherent skeptic and deconstructionist. Our stages resemble each other's somewhat, but at different points in time. I was never quite the optimist you were, though we all have our own special set of illusions to lose. Your point #3 is one of the more interesting challenges in dealing with people, but it can be very rewarding when you get it right.

As to family things, some get it luckier, some get it better, and I've found it's a huge mistake to judge almost anyone on those things, as just as with a romantic couple, one will never know more than a fraction of what's really going on between people in a family, and it's arrogant to assume one does. We can't control what we started with, and wearing out one's soul with illusions and recriminations helps no one, but if we do the best we can with our few and meager tools, it can be braver and more worthwhile than any number of the happier stories that are allowed to be told. Good luck with your family, even if you have to patch together your story yourself rather than reiterate one of the more popular ones.

[daveT]

Point #3: Dale Carnegie "How to Win Friends and Influence People."

The first lesson is that no one thinks intellectually.