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#1
05-03-2007, 01:05 PM
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Update
So I got woken up again today an hour later than normal by my little pecker. He pecked once, then stopped. No carcass left for me. However, I did find a beer can in the corner of the back yard. Standard. I started to do a slow and careful scan of all visible neighboring property in the line of fire, then remembered the cardinal rule - deny, deny, deny - and hightailed it back into the house.
If the little guy got laid, then problem solved for this year, and I move from contacting gansta to pimp playa, oscillatin' from the G to the P, Snoop Dog yo, etc., flash gang sign, etc. I'm thinking of pardoning the guy. But Chad's not answering his phone. I may not be able to call off the hit. If Chad doesn't answer, I will need woodpecker recipes, preferably grilled. If Chad answers, I'll price out biologic warfare via capturing a badger. 
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#4
05-03-2007, 02:31 PM
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Re: My first contract hit
[ QUOTE ]
I said I'd give him $100 for the carcass of that woodpecker. [/ QUOTE ]It seems that this could get Chad and possibly yourself in trouble with the law. From the link: [ QUOTE ] Woodpeckers are a federally protected bird under the North American Migratory Bird Act. Do not use lethal control on woodpeckers without contacting your Federal Wildlife Officer. You will need to institute non-lethal control strategies before you will receive permission to implement lethal control. [/ QUOTE ]
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#6
05-03-2007, 03:40 PM
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Re: My first contract hit
Matt,
I hope the Las Vegas Gun Range can provide you with woodpecker shaped targets. FWIW, we had a cardinal that did this on our bedroom window for years; however, he never did while we were asleep or else I would have sought a similar solution.
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#7
05-03-2007, 08:35 PM
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Re: My first contract hit
[ QUOTE ]
Matt, I hope the Las Vegas Gun Range can provide you with woodpecker shaped targets. [/ QUOTE ] LVGR public menu they also have a grenade launcher, but it only shoots a beehive round = 18 .22 rounds firing like a shotgun load. it's $35 a shot. LVGR guy says federal law prohibits firing off the tank or real grenades, even at woodpeckers of mass destruction.
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#8
05-03-2007, 08:20 PM
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Re: My first contract hit
[ QUOTE ]
Matt Flynn, I like your code of having to eat annoying animals in order to justify killing them. If only someone would eat Rosie O'Donnell. [/ QUOTE ] better hire this guy.
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#9
05-03-2007, 09:14 PM
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Re: My first contract hit
[ QUOTE ]
[ QUOTE ] I said I'd give him $100 for the carcass of that woodpecker. [/ QUOTE ]It seems that this could get Chad and possibly yourself in trouble with the law. From the link: [ QUOTE ] Woodpeckers are a federally protected bird under the North American Migratory Bird Act. Do not use lethal control on woodpeckers without contacting your Federal Wildlife Officer. You will need to institute non-lethal control strategies before you will receive permission to implement lethal control. [/ QUOTE ] [/ QUOTE ] if they're so endangered, WHY IS ONE BREEDING ON MY ROOF? i called Chad to cancel the hit (that was for astroglide, not just the law). he said he'll let the bird out of the contract for $20. P.S. no actual woodpeckers were harmed during the production of this thread. i am deeply saddened and disturbed by my actions. i will turn to my life coach for emotional support. limon, when can we talk next?
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#10
05-04-2007, 12:32 AM
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Re: My first contract hit
[ QUOTE ]
i called Chad to cancel the hit (that was for astroglide, not just the law). he said he'll let the bird out of the contract for $20. [/ QUOTE ] my initial thought was to make a gushing shill post in ssnl for your book manuscript, which i haven't read of course, and simply link to it here as a response. i don't really know you though, and i wouldn't want to put you in some kind of delicate "i am not a crook" position if you saw it as such. but i'm still kinda regretting not doing it as i type this. you did make my thursday. good looking out, i owe you a beer!
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Hybrid Mode
