dating girl w/ kid issues

[The DaveR]

MSPaint graphical representation pls!

[By-Tor]

Of course, nobody can really answer this for you. You are either the type of person that can deal with this or you are not. And when I say 'deal with this', that is exactly what I mean as this is not normal behavior and it will be something you will 'have to deal with' on an ongoing basis.

For me, the answer is very simple. I cannot or would not deal with this type of situation.

It is not real big secret, I am a very old fashion person when it comes to this type of thing. When my children where growing up, I was the law. Period. I was not interested, to a fault perhaps, in being 'mr. nice guy', I was interesting in preparing my children to function in society as responsible people.

Your lady friend, in my opinion, is not doing this and I would have a very difficult time keeping my mouth shut about it.

This becomes problematic in the nature of your scenario since the child’s father is in the picture and, depending on his stance and involvement; it is not your place to discipline this child.

I'd take a pass on this one personally...you know...after I got some. [img]/images/graemlins/grin.gif[/img]

[TobDog]

Buy her some books by Jim Fay/Charles Fay as a going away present.

If its a concern for you now, your not ready for it, she does need to know how to keep her kid under control, he may be acting up because of the situation and his age, but you are not his father and she would most likely not be happy if someone/anyone forthat matter beganto dicipline her kid. My wife got into it with another parent at ChuckECheese the other night because my wife told a child to "slow down" after running into her on multiple occasions steering out of her path. Parents are very touchy with others touching or diciplining their children(even if they wont do it themselves).

Tobdog

[Ali shmali]

Key word : 3 and a half.

Dude any single parent with a 3 year old kid and a job is going to have "bad parenting skills". I doubt the girlfriend wanted your first meeting with her kid to be spent putting him in time out while he throws a tantrum and kicks and screams. They aren't kidding when they say terrible 2's. Super Nanny is great but that stuff is not always practical in real situations. Especially with a toddler.

Don't approach her with parenting advice yet. That would be very insensitive. Ask her questions about her kid. Ask her about parenting. Be empathetic. Be sympathetic. Make sure you know what her approach is when you are not around. If you are going to continue dating her seriously understand you are making a commitment to her AND her child. pick up some parenting books, watch some of the parenting shows on T.V. Talk to her about what you are learning. If you feel you are naturally good with kids it you might find all that stuff interesting even if you aren't dating her.

One thing is certain. Don't jump straight into authority figure with her kid. Even if she does give you the ok. That's a transition that should take a while. More so for her 3 year old then for the 2 of you. Just make sure she has your support when the 3 of you are out together. Again dealing with a willful 3 year old that is acting up is not easy or fun.

If it turns out she is just a careless parent then you should talk to her about it. Standards for people that deal with kids and for those that don't deal with kids are going to be very different. And quite frankly the ones that don't deal with kids are going to have standards that are unrealistic. So keep that in mind when evaluating if she really is a "careless" parent.

[goodsamaritan]

Not sure if anybody mentioned this yet, but she might be better with the kid when you are not around. She might have gone easy on the kid cause she didnt want to look like a bitch in front of you.

Or the kid could just be a really tough kid that anybody would have trouble dealing with.

Either way, I think its too early to render a verdict.

[Felix_Nietzsche]

The problem scenario is when (not if) this rude kid disrespects you as well.
If you do nothing, then you are creating a lot of problems with this kid in the future. If you correct him then several bad things can happen:
1. The Mother get angry because your 'attacking' her baby.
2. The Dad gets angry because your parenting HIS kid.
3. Both 1 and 2.
4. or ???

This ill behaved kid will will test you and if you have any balls you will put the kid in his place. Then. you find out what type of mother she is.... If it gets serious, I lay down the law to the mother that the kid behaves respectfully towards you or YOU WILL correct him. And I will tell her that is non negotiable. If she says no then walk away knowing you made the proper play..... My experience is single mothers will back down if you frame your case right.....

[booger]

take a tip from your uncle booger....RUN, DON'T WALK, RUN AND DON'T LOOK BACK. RUN RUN RUN

[Joe Tall]

Take my advice, dump her. There are so many w/o kids you are wasting your time. You are too young to be tied up with this $hit.

[murph0110]

thats right d...

i dont know how old u guys are, but, man, you sound way too young to be dating women with kids.

How old are you guys and where do you meet em?

[Quadstriker]

I seriously cannot understand what would make a man want to play daddy for other people's kids.