Vipassana Retreat - A Brief History

amplify · #1 07-19-2007, 02:13 PM

I think I'm too tired to do my retreat the literary justice I feel it deserves, but I'll try a brief overview. People have been wondering where I have been.

The facility:
Immediately west of Rockford, IL. Surrounded by corn. Dining hall, segregated dorm, meditation hall. Barns, etc. Very nice grounds, about 20 acres.

The Rules:
Observe Noble Silence at all times. No talking, no gestures, writing, or any form of communication. Do not make eye contact with your fellow meditators. If you have a problem, you may speak to a member of the volunteer staff.
No books or any reading materials, no music, no entertainment of any kind.
No perfumes, or scents of any kind.
No shorts, tight, or revealing clothing. I wore pajama bottoms or sweatpants and a t-shirt the whole time. One guy, who is apparently a doctor, wore scrubs every day.

The Course:
You begin with formalities.
Take a vow to observe the 5 precepts: Not Killing, Not Stealing, Not Lying, Not Committing Sexual Misconduct, Not taking any intoxicants.
Make a formal request to the teacher to receive the Dhamma.

Then you get the first technique, Anapana Meditation. Observe the breath at the nostrils. begin at 4am and basically work until 9pm. breakfast is at 6:30. Lunch is at 11. At 5, there is some fruit available, but no dinner is served. You have nothing to do BUT meditate. At first, this is fine, but the time begins to wear on you.

Second day you get a refinement of the Anapana technique. Observe the sensation of the breath at the nostrils. Not too different, but enough. Whole day of that. Third day, observe sensations only between the nose and upper lip. A day and a half of this. By this time, I am getting really tired of meditating to say the least. My back hurts like hell, my butt feels like hell, and I am sleeping basically whenever I hit the bed.

Fourth Day - Vipassana Day! We actually learn the technique! But there is a catch. Along with the technique, we are given Addhittana, or Sittings of Strong Determination. For three one-hour periods each day, we will sit without moving. I can do about 30 minutes before it gets really painful. After that, I cannot express in words how horrible this was for me. Like playing a blowtorch over my ass. I wanted to leave. I had to steel myself for every session. These sessions are of course in addition to the 7-8 hours of regular meditation. I felt like ripping my own head off. I hated it. I was miserable.

Around the 6th day, I started developing really well in the technique. You basically take your attention to each part of the body and observe whatever sensations are there. Top of the head, rest the attention there. Feel the air conditioning moving cool air, itching, dryness, pressure, pain, whatever is there. You slowly move around the entire body observing. At first, you can feel very little, the touch of clothes, wind, but then as you continue to concentrate you start feeling all kinds of things. After hours and days of observation, you can actually start to feel how the actual skin itself feels. There are nerve endings, there are sensations, it's just that your mind is not used to observing them, and it takes time. You begin to feel a subtle energy flowing. You can start to sweep areas more quickly, as if a bucket of water is emptied over your head and moves down your body. This is quite enjoyable. When I meditated in my cell, I sat in a chair, and this was quite pleasurable and interesting. There are still areas like my chest and belly where I can't feel much, so I slow down over these areas and sweep over my face, arms and legs.

Contrasting this is the forced sittings where I am still in severe pain, but I am gaining equanimity. It still hurts just as much, if not more as my body becomes worn down, but it bothers me less. I still want to leave, but I am getting used to it. By day 7, I am REALLY sick of meditating constantly. We are expected by now to retain mindfulness of bodily sensations at every waking moment, during meals, while falling asleep, at all times. I am dying.

I did look forward every day to lunch, the vegetarian food there was outstanding. I still haven't eaten meat since, and may continue not to do so. Also every day, we had a Dhamma Talk from Goenka-ji. The entire course is taught by Goenka-ji on CD and DVD. Assistant teachers are there, but he is the instructor. By the way, no teacher or anyone associated with the course receive any money whatsoever. Anyway, he is an engaging speaker, very funny, and it was nice that for an hour we got to laugh a little, and learn some Dhamma. Except that of course we were still sitting on the stupid floor and it hurt.

So much more I have to tell. This is just the barest beginning. For instance, I camped at Starved Rock State Park south of there for 2 days. Maybe you know it. Other things about the teaching, my reactions. I do feel amazingly better now. I had met one guy at the beginning of the course, and at the end, when we could speak again, he told me that it seemed like I had opened up as a person amazingly. I think he is right, I do feel more open emotionally and so much more equanimous. Long way to go though. 2 hours practice every day is the recommended practice. More retreats. It's a very long, hard, but realistic path. You don't just get fixed in 10 days.