Flameout in life and in Poker (VERY LONG)

[xxx]

Yes, keep going (and keep it in this thread).

So far, I have to say I don't quite understand the dog # 1 edge, and disagree with the progression blackjack system you came up with. But still, interesting cautionary tale.

[Godot]

Ok on with the story. Im in Vegas in June during the WSOP. However, poker isn’t my main focus. Originally it was, but I decide that I’m gonna take a run at blackjack. Starting with about 7k I manage to turn that into 170k over 5 days. Mind you, that is more than a years salary for me. I have never had that much cash in my possession, ever. I am completely freaked out. I can’t believe my luck. On Friday, my ex-fiance calls me. She tells me that she told my boss that I have a gambling problem and that was the cause of my leave of absence and not the breakup. She tells me that she loves me and she did it for my own good. She says that my boss was very understanding and would make sure I got the help I needed. I was livid. How dare she interfere with my life like that. On some level I wanted to believe she truly wanted to help me, but on another I believed she just wanted to see me suffer. I didn’t know what to think. I had so many mixed emotions, the high of my big win yet I could feel my career as an attorney slip away. I was also feeling intense anger toward Allison, but I couldn’t help but feel pangs of longing for her also. I knew she was wrong for me, in the same way I knew gambling was wrong. She was crying on the phone and saying she only was trying to save me. I impulsively said I would fly her out that night. I hadn’t told her about the money, and I didn’t plan too unless things went well.

After we hung up, I called and checked my voicemail at home, I hadn’t in about 3 days. There were several messages left by my boss to call him back immediately. I felt a sense of dread, like when you are 10 and your father is going to be home after work and your going to have to face him. It was Friday in Vegas and it was past 6pm on the East Coast. The office is usually clear of any partners after 4pm on a Friday, just us junior associates. I decided to call anyways as I was 99% sure he would not be there. Thankfully I was right and left a message apologizing profusely about not getting back to him earlier and I would straighten things out on Monday. That gave me two days to come up with a damn good excuse to save my job, which at that time I wasn’t sure if I wanted anyways. But I wanted to keep all my options open.

That really threw a wet blanket on things for the night. I flew Allison out that night. She arrived around 2am. I was so tired I had a limo pick her up and bring her back to the hotel. I had proceeded to go on a drinking binge right after I hung up the phone with my office. I was no longer playing the way I had before and I proceeded to give the casino its money back. Which in turn caused me to drink even more heavily, which in turn caused me to play even worse. After about three hours of this I had erased about 45k of my win. Somehow I managed to find myself to my hotel room and I splashed all the chips and money haphazardly over the nightstand and on the bed. I had forgotten that I hadn’t told Allison about the money. So when she angrily knocked on the door I didn’t think to hide all the chips and cash lying around. She was furious that I wasn’t there to pick her up but when she saw all the money lying around her scowl turned into smile. I remember I fell back into bed and passed out. The next morning I saw that she had neatly arranged all the chips and hundreds into neat even stacks. My head was throbbing and I asked her, “did I really lose 40k last night or was it a dream?” She gave me an astonished look and asked me you mean you had 157k last night ? I had put 10k in the hotel safe so the total figure was about 167, but she was pretty close.

Then the next thing that she said almost made me fall out of bed…”So, does this mean your gonna buy me a new ring?” I almost lost it there. I was incredulous. I assume that she thought that the wedding was back on because I flew her out here. I flew her out here because I wanted to know exactly what she told my boss and who else knew, the status of our relationship was my last priority at that point. I told her no way would I even consider buying a ring until we somehow managed to settle our differences. The thing about my Allison is that she doesn’t like to be left hanging like that. She wants to know right now. I told her I had to think about it before committing to anything like that again. She was obviously unhappy, but I didn’t care. The only thing I wanted to do was to get back at the tables and win my 40k back.

But that wasn’t to be. This was her first time in Vegas, so she asked, no she demanded that I take her to see all the sites. I managed to hit and run a few times and I got about 11k back, but her incessant nagging prevented me from getting any solid streak together. It was amazing how I lost all conception of money at the blackjack tables. It was made painfully clear at dinner at a nice steakhouse when I was debating on ordering the petite or standard filet for 8 dollars more. She said your gonna bet 500 and 1000 a hand on blackjack and your gonna miser over 8 bucks. She was right, but to me it was whether I was hungry enough to eat the larger steak. I relented and paid the extra 8 bucks for the standard filet. But it made me think of how little I value money at the table and how scary that was, like I wasn’t in control or that the chips represented monopoly money. Of course I didn’t finish the steak, but I would’ve been annoyed if I ordered the smaller steak and wanted more.

Only a few days til the main event of the WSOP. It was starting on Thursday the following week and I had already paid the entry fee with my winnings. I had to come up with a good cover story why I couldn’t possibly be back to work before July 16, not that I expected to be at the final table or anything, but you never know. Things went pretty smoothly between me and Allison that weekend. Also she was mistaken on two separate occassions for a pro poker player named Erin Nes (sp?) who apparently got like 10 seconds face time on ESPN coverage last year which she strangely found to be very exciting. I don’t see how it is possible someone would see someone on tv for a few seconds and remember them the next year, maybe she is a bigger star than I imagine. Things seemed like old times that Saturday and I felt like I was being trapped into resuming our relationship through inertia. Because it would be easier to do that than break up again, even though we weren’t officially together.

After she went to bed that night I slipped out of the room with about 20k in chips headed for the BJ tables. For some strange reason, I felt like I was going to lose, maybe it was the guilt, Allison and the impending doom of talking to my boss on Monday, but things didn’t feel right. Maybe it was the incessant phone calls, presumably from Allison wondering where I snuck off to in the middle of the night. I turned off my phone after about the 7th straight call. Regardless I lost that 20k in about 30 minutes. I ran up to the room to grab another 30k and try to win my losses back. Predictably, Allison was sitting up in bed looking as mad as ever. I told her I lost 2k, she seemed to accept that answer, but she refused to let me leave again. Especially after seeing how many chips I had picked up. After arguing back in forth I decided to give in, while in the back of mind I was scheming on how I could work her departure from Vegas into the conversation. It’s too bad she didn’t have a job she had to go back to. Now I had two major unpleasant conversations to look forward to.

Cont'd

[Godot]

[ QUOTE ]
Yes, keep going (and keep it in this thread).

So far, I have to say I don't quite understand the dog # 1 edge, and disagree with the progression blackjack system you came up with. But still, interesting cautionary tale.

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Well the #1 dog has the inside track, and he is a small statistical favorite given that he has a slightly shorter length to run. Well, I dont think my progression blackjack scheme is foolproof either, i just wanted to get a big run up before the the inevetable risk of ruin set in. Just like the martingdale (sp?) system of doubling your bets until you win could conceivably work for the short term but eventually you will run out of bankroll to cover your losses. It's more of a hit and run system that can ONLY work in the short term (but, the short term could be a long time at least in human terms.)

[tek]

Wow. Good job getting that all out. That alone should help clear your mind of all those thoughts bouncing around.

Have you thought of private law practice? My brother does that and sets his own schedule. He travels many times a year.

Dog betting is for suckers. There is no jockey to control them. I bet greyhounds only a couple times in my life and each dog I picked got hip-checked to the outside wall...

I played blackjack as a counter after work in the mid 80's when I lived in Vegas. I played 3-4 hours each night times 5-6 nights a week, which was too much time at the table to make a profit. I wasn't really trying to score--just pass the time after work. But I did well enough to only lose about $100 per week. In modern times you have too much going against you to make it work even if you hit the table for 45 minutes per night.

The stock market (especially options, commodities and forex) are not vehicles to jump into without having read extensively, got your feet wet (e.g. lost some money testing strategies) having a big bankroll and not least, a clear mind...

You are jumping around from casino game to casino game, B & M to online, cards to tracks to financial markets...Just reading about your jumping around and what you plan to do next is dizzying.

If you could deal with your issues, then focus on one game (such as NL for example), then decide B & M or online, then set playing parameters (certain nights for a certain amount of time), reread some books plug leaks, you could make a fresh start.

It will have to start with clarifying why you want to play. If you want to play for income, then keep a clear head. If playing for fun, then just set a budget to blow each week.

But as I suggeste, clearing up your issues is essential. Your law practice or some other vocation needs to be cleared up, as does the issue of your relationship. You won't play worth a dam if you have no vocation or gaming support from her.

Fortunately, my wife (and mother before she died this year) were happy to brag about my tournament wins. That helps when I play because I'm not worried about them not being behind me. There's enough to think about at the table.

Of course it's nobody's busines if you play poker or whatever, and you don't have to tell anyone if that's what it takes to keep them off your back.

Post more. Good luck in the meantime.

[Ignignokt]

Good posts. I hope you're able to see some of your issues more clearly by writing about them.

[vexvelour]

I love reading about people's lives, and I thank you for sharing your story. Some observations that I've made while reading through:

1. Allison does not seem like a good match for you. She changes the tune of her flute according to how much money you're worth at the moment.

2. Stressful situations, as your life seems to have been in the past few weeks? months? is not prime time for heading to Vegas with a few thousand dollars. I understand that gambling is a way to 'get away', but should not be approached by throwing caution to the wind.

I look forward to another installment.

[ViolentGandhi]

Allison sucks

[Dan BRIGHT]

Dump that bitch

[mockingbird]

Your posts are EXTREMELY alarming. You sound completely out of control. You remind me of a coke addict in the middle of a major binge. You are not thinking clearly. You definitely are not making sound decisions.

Get out of Vegas. Go home. Give whats left of your money (if there's anything left) to someone you can trust to keep it for you, i.e., your mother. Get to a GA meeting. Call your boss.

I dont think you will take any of the above suggestions. You sound so coked out, so crazy. You sound much younger than mid thirties - no offense. I think that emotional immaturity usually accompanies addictions of all kinds - although it is not the whole story. I dont know what to say to you that would be of any help.

I can imagine a nightmare post from you in 6 weeks saying that you were fired from your job, you are broke, you borrowed all the money you could get your hands on and lost it all, and Allison left when the money did (surprise surprise).


You have major life problems to deal with. I hope you will get to GA and get started before you do irreperable damage to your life and career.


Good Luck to you

[axeshigh]

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There flame on I'm getting pretty good at defending my faith both scientificaly, and theologically. [img]/images/graemlins/grin.gif[/img]


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In other words, after a lifetime of exercise your rationalization skills are unparalleled.

To the original poster: touching story, keep writing...