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  #111  
Old 08-15-2007, 12:24 PM
Blarg Blarg is offline
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Default Re: Workplace Gripes – Vent Here! ! (or just share workplace stories)

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I had a horrible day at work yesterday. I was given a task to do and feel like I mucked it up. The main reason was that I was getting confused by the instructions from two different women above me, both of whom talk really fast and have a tendency to be vague. Fast and vague is not a good thing for me. The entire thing left me rattled. I tend to need very specific instructions not general "do it however you have to but just put together a report"...or this gem from my boss that I took at face value...."I wouldn't spend much time on it, just put together a basic report and we'll go from there. What you did on this part is good enough for now." How do you interpret that anyway?

Anyone ever notice that some women don't communicate well? In 3 years working for these people I've never felt this incompetent.

To make matters worse, I had to listen to the Rosie O'Donnell character boss me around in her harsh manner and critique my work, she talks to me like I'm 13 yrs old. She's so freakin arrogant and mocks every single one of my questions. I wish she'd stop it. I should explain that she's sort of my friend so this is just especially stressful. Having a friend give you a task and then mock everything you do is the worst.

I'm a basketcase.

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Does not compute. Why would you be a friend with someone who bosses you around, treats you like a 13 year old and constantly mocks you?

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With friends like that, it's not long until you reverse values and see her mocking as fully justified and even helpful, and inevitable given your irredeemable, unforgiveable shortcomings as a person.

That's the value of this kind of "friend."
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  #112  
Old 08-15-2007, 12:52 PM
katyseagull katyseagull is offline
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Default Re: Workplace Gripes – Vent Here! ! (or just share workplace stories)

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Does not compute. Why would you be a friend with someone who bosses you around, treats you like a 13 year old and constantly mocks you?

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I don't know. We don't do anything really outside of work. I don't know how to "unfriend" someone. She asks me to go to lunch with her and likes to come into my cubicle to tell me about her weekend getaways or her kid. That's what I meant by sort of a friend. Do you see why it is stressful? Imagine having someone who treated you as a work friend but then who talked down to you when you were working on the same project. She gets a very parental tone of voice with some of us, even with the boss.
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  #113  
Old 08-15-2007, 02:05 PM
quirkasaurus quirkasaurus is offline
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Join Date: Jun 2007
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Default Re: Workplace Gripes – Vent Here! ! (or just share workplace stories)

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Does not compute. Why would you be a friend with someone who bosses you around, treats you like a 13 year old and constantly mocks you?

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I don't know. We don't do anything really outside of work. I don't know how to "unfriend" someone. She asks me to go to lunch with her and likes to come into my cubicle to tell me about her weekend getaways or her kid. That's what I meant by sort of a friend. Do you see why it is stressful? Imagine having someone who treated you as a work friend but then who talked down to you when you were working on the same project. She gets a very parental tone of voice with some of us, even with the boss.

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don't tell anyone but i have some co-workers like this.
great friends outside the office; not-so-great co-workers.
they talk down to me -- berate my mistakes -- get mad if
i question their ideas, ask questions, etc -- even after
i've shown them that i'm more than competent and they
agree that my reputation is enviable. i don't get it...
but they just can't help themselves, i guess.
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  #114  
Old 08-15-2007, 02:25 PM
Blarg Blarg is offline
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Default Re: Workplace Gripes – Vent Here! ! (or just share workplace stories)

You can help them though, by establishing a better way of talking to you. I've been able to do this even with bosses, almost always. You have to be willing to stand up for yourself consistently though, and maybe even bark back once or twice yourself. Many people have a much easier time understanding that someone is pissed that they are treated badly than they do understanding that you shouldn't treat people badly. If you never raise it as an issue, it won't even register to them that they're doing it.

Double whammy on that: you get more and more mad as they do it more and more over time, and they get more and more used to thinking it's okay to do. After a while you're either heartsick or furious while they don't even know anything is wrong, and maybe one day you explode inappropriately over some minor matter and can fairly be called crazy.

It's always good to clear things up before bad habits get set in stone and resentments start piling up and choking you, or just draining your spirit. People may not like you for pointing out flaws in the way they talk to you, not at first anyway, but they will respect you a LOT more for it. And in the end, abusive people tend to like someone who demands respect anyway. Those who knuckle under? If they didn't despise them already, doing so becomes inevitable. Bullies never come to respect their victims for taking their abuse.
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  #115  
Old 08-15-2007, 03:58 PM
DrewDevil DrewDevil is offline
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Join Date: Mar 2006
Posts: 5,715
Default Re: Workplace Gripes – Vent Here! ! (or just share workplace stories)

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Does not compute. Why would you be a friend with someone who bosses you around, treats you like a 13 year old and constantly mocks you?

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I don't know. We don't do anything really outside of work. I don't know how to "unfriend" someone. She asks me to go to lunch with her and likes to come into my cubicle to tell me about her weekend getaways or her kid. That's what I meant by sort of a friend. Do you see why it is stressful? Imagine having someone who treated you as a work friend but then who talked down to you when you were working on the same project. She gets a very parental tone of voice with some of us, even with the boss.

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She obviously doesn't realize she's being an azzhole, or too self-absorbed to care.

Direct way to unfriend: the next time she is unprofessional towards you, say, "I really don't appreciate the way you are speaking to me. You don't need to belittle me or condescend to me to make your points. Please stop."

Less direct way to unfriend: decline all lunch invitations, do not engage in office chit chat. "I'm sorry, but I'm really busy right now." Acknowledge her but basically flatline and be all business in every interaction.

I know I am hopelessly generalizing here, but lots and lots of women are terrified that not everyone in the world likes them, and they will do anything to avoid having someone not like them.

In this situation, (a) why would you care if a terrible person like this likes you or not, and (b) if she starts to think you don't like her, maybe she'll start to change her obnoxious behavior towards you (and maybe even others too!).

Or maybe she'll kill herself, problem solved.
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