BBV Anonymous Confessions (The Sequel)

[Leveh]

When I was a small child, I used to do this very entertaining thing for my family. While I was taking a bath, I would ease out of the tub, open the bathroom door, and race down the hallway into the den where my parents would be watching tv and holler "nudie boy, nudie boy, here comes the nudie boy!" I would make laps around the couch while my parents clapped and laughed. I was very disappointed when I turned 16 and this was no longer thought to be amusing.

[RickAstleyFan]

I once was at a gas station and no one was there. I pumped my gas, then stood waiting at the little pump house outside.

Still, no one showed.

I thought, I had better pay for my gas, (20 bucks worth) and so I stepped inside the pump house which was at the center of the islands and there was a cash register sitting there about one inch open.

I looked around, no one was in sight, then put my two 10 dollar bills into the rack. Then looked around, no one was nearby. So temptation took over, and I snagged a small stack of 20's back, I think like 160 bucks worth and left.

[furyshade]

these are worse when not anonymous, adanthar/BTYS titles make the posts

[kiddcheckers]

[ QUOTE ]
Bought a car for my momma...spent the rest on...PCP

[ QUOTE ]
i'd like to start this out saying that i am a bit of a misogynist.
back when i was 20 i travelled out to vegas with a sweet fake id. maybe
it was losing at poker or getting geniunely [censored] tired of seeing
hookers walk around everywhere or the pcp but i had a bad episode.

i was sitting in my room, about 5am and decided to call a hooker.
looked in the phone bookand found a nice ad for latinas. good i'd love to
teach a mexican a [censored] lesson. she showed up about 30 minutes later
to my door. knocked, i opened it slightly so she would have to push it
open the rest and as soon as she did i mased her so bad she might still
have visual problems from it. she fell to the floor crying and
screaming like a helen keller and i told her that if she didnt stfu and
remain silent i was going to shoot her in the [censored] head. she quieted down.


i picked her up and threw her on the bed that was full of my used
condoms that i had been jerking off into for the past few days, sex
deprived. (i slept on the couch btw) she was beginning to get frantic and
starting to really freak out/heaving. i told her to stop whining like a
fat kid with a skinned knee and she could live and also made it clear
that i have no problem [censored] a dead person either and had a good amount
of experience with it. (i haven't actually [censored] a dead person btw)

i then forced her repeat a small speech after me line for line about
becoming something better than a hooker and moving out of this city to
become someone useful to society. by this time her mase was wearing off.
i put on a ski mask and then took out a full bottle of rhum and told
her to chug it in 5 minutes or id personally drive to the coast so she
could sleep with the fishes. during this time i smoked a cig and sung
in the air tonight by phil collins accapella. she was weeping hard at
this point but whenever she looked up i just threatened her with the
gun. bitch started chugging like she was lindsay lohan out for a couple
drinks at a club.

after she took about 5 or 6 full swigs she began coughing hard and
eventually puking. i began scolding her verbally, told her to take off her
clothes and wipe that shtt up with them. she obliged and as her back
was turned i grabbed her from behind and many forced and some would
consider sexually deviant acts took place. this lasted about 15-20
minutes until i eventually finished all over her hair/face. i made her leave
it dropping all over her face and then had her suck me off one more
time which was [censored] awful bc she was still crying and drunk so i bitch
slapped her so hard the side of her face was red and swelling and nose
started bleeding. i hadnt had a strawberry swirl in a while so i boomed
again on her slightly bloody face. at this point she also had some
blood dripping from her pooter and pooper, more so the pooper though.

i then made her drink more of the bottle until she was completely
passed out, probably near death, but w/e. it was 5am so i dragged her out
into the hall and left here lying there bloody, naked, and cumdrenched.
[censored] whore deserved every bit of it i hope i taught her something
useful that night. to this day i don't feel regret for any of my
actions.

i then promtply left for the airport. last time i'll ever take pcp in
vegas.

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[x]Extensive methodical description (though poorly written)
[x]Phil Collins reference
[x]American psycho fan fiction level
[ ]Entertaining
[ ]Believable

[Bdidd]

Bump.

More blantantly fabricated stories please, mkay.

[Steven_Q_Erkel]

Last new years eve around 1am I was driving around my town with a friend, both extremely drunk while we were looking for his girlfriend and her friends to pick up. As I'm driving down the street and my buddy is sitting out of the window yelling her name someone in a crowd of high schoolers throws something at my car. I speed up, pull a U turn and see them walking across the other side of the street. I pull a second U turn to meet up with them as they're stepping over the curb and start to run, I follow them in my car up the curb and long story short there was a big crack in my windshield the next morning.

[cakewalk]

this one time we were practicing for the homecoming skit in one of the buildings on campus. there were lots of girls from the sororities we were paired with, so it was an environment one would try to impress in. all was going pretty standard till i had to fart. it felt like a completely normal fart, so i stepped out of ear sight for a couple seconds and let'er rip.

but something wasn't right.

i took a few steps back into the room and sat back down at a desk. as i sat down i felt something squishy and wet. yep that's right, i sharted myself.

i started to think about the possible solutions to this problem. i don't have a car so i couldn't very well ask someone back to my fraternity house (where i lived at the time) to change, and walking was out of the question.

i decided it would be a good idea to go to the bathroom to survey the damage and figure out how i was going to get through skit practice without drawing any attention to myself. i went to the second floor bathroom so that no one would walk in on me surveying a nasty shart.

upon further inspection it's a pretty solid mess i've made in my pants, but luckily most of it was confined to my boxers. one thing creeps into my mind at this point: commando mode. i slip off my boxers and throw them in the garbage can.

in order to erase some of the smell that is lingering, theres some unopened toilet paddies (the things that sit in the urinal to eat some of the piss smell). i start rubbing those on the inside of my jeans and head back down to skit practice.

we went to practice the skit in a stairwell and the rest of the night was pretty uneventful, except that someone said "damn it sure does smell like a bathroom in here" everyone laughed and i noticed that there was a bathroom paddy/rock thing on the floor next to my foot. i laughed a little harder and was quite content that i had averted a potential disaster.

[Mike Kelley]

[ QUOTE ]
Incest begets more incest

[ QUOTE ]
I saw the post about the guy who had sex with his sister. When I was 14 I had oral sex with my sister. This went on for a week. Then about once a year we get really [censored] up and do it again. I'm now 26. Last time we had sex.

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Oral sex usually lasts 1 week. no?

[BowToYourSensei]

for some reason remembered this thread and sure enough! an e-mail!


This guy must play limit poker...
[ QUOTE ]
I almost cheated on my girlfriend last night!

Long story short, Went out, got drunk, met a chick (an easy 7-8) I used to know, got her drunk, got her wanting my dilznick, told her she was hot, she said she wanted to be with me, I refused to drive her home from the bar (making her take a cab) because I couldn't "endanger her life", then refused her number when she tried to give it to me. I never did tell her I have a girlfriend.

[/ QUOTE ]

[Bdidd]

[ QUOTE ]
for some reason remembered this thread and sure enough! an e-mail!


This guy must play limit poker...
[ QUOTE ]
I almost cheated on my girlfriend last night!

Long story short, Went out, got drunk, met a chick (an easy 7-8) I used to know, got her drunk, got her wanting my dilznick, told her she was hot, she said she wanted to be with me, I refused to drive her home from the bar (making her take a cab) because I couldn't "endanger her life", then refused her number when she tried to give it to me. I never did tell her I have a girlfriend.

[/ QUOTE ]

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BTYS:

Please ban whoever sent this one.