Being there for the Birth.

[Colt McCoy]

There's a reason they used to send men off to boil water back when everyone gave birth at home, and it wasn't because they needed boiling water. They were just getting him the hell out of the way, and making him feel useful. I don't really understand how fathers in the delivery room became the in-thing, especially having the father in there videotaping. Women should know by now that men are generally lousy at providing the kind of comfort-providing support they need at times like that. A man's way of providing support is generally to try to fix things, and we suck when there's really nothing to fix. I don't get why some men want to be there either. Having said all that, if she wants you there, just do it.

[Osprey]

What's with the person who wants everyone to get general anesthesia?
Assuming a 0.5% serious complication rate from the anesthesia, for every 1 million births, that's 5,000 serious complications you didn't need to have.

[Lottery Larry]

[ QUOTE ]
The subject is being present for the birth of your child. Now, quite frankly, nobody is ever going to get me in that room. That's been my position from day one and I'm sticking with it. I can't imagine anything worse than going through that. The friends I have that have done it always say that it was the best experience of their lives, but you can see the high levels of trauma behind their eyes.

A few have admitted to me that it has effected their sex life. They can't get the image out of their heads of a raw and bloody childbirth. They won't admit this to their significant others, and they will deny ever having said it, but it is there.

[/ QUOTE ]

I think it's sad and somewhat pathetic that people think this way, but to each their own. I can imagine a LOT worse scenarios to be in than a childbirth.

What is the root of your set-in-stone decision? Are you that uncomfortable around hospitals, or your wife in pain?

BTW, it is HUGELY -EV to hand your wife such a tool as "You wouldn't be in the delivery room to help me with our child".

Qualifications- three kids, there for all three, no problems of any kind afterwards for me. I didn't see it as "the most beautiful thing in the world" (newborn kids are just ugly, but you would be too) but it makes no sense to me NOT to be there.

[theBruiser500]

dominic, "As Bill Cosby says, "Don't you have more qualified people to do that?""

no. there's a big difference between a doctor and a love thing, love is more powerful

[Mrs. Utah]

[ QUOTE ]
What's with the person who wants everyone to get general anesthesia?
Assuming a 0.5% serious complication rate from the anesthesia, for every 1 million births, that's 5,000 serious complications you didn't need to have.

[/ QUOTE ]

Good question. I kind of wonder how serious that post was.

There are a lot of things to consider with general anesthesia which is why its only used in the most critical emergencies.

Dads/support people cannot be in the OR when mom is being put under. That comes from the MDAs and OR staff. Its very unnerving to see someone, esp someone you love under. They are laid out, intubated and the eyes are usually taped shut.
In an emergency the MDAs have to work very quickly to get mom under safely and the baby is delivered very quickly.


Although the meds given are generally safe for baby, the babies usually have to be resuscitated. If its emergent the babies usually need more interventions to stabilize-intubation, artificial respirations, chest compressions, meds....

Babies are then taken to Special Care Nursery to be monitored-so separated from mom. Dads will usually follow the baby.

Moms who are put under general have to recover in PACU(post anesthesia care unit) for an hour or so again separated from baby and dad.


All of the moms I have taken care of hated the fact that they did not witness in some way the birth or get to see their baby immediately. They also hated having to recover alone.

For routine C-sections(even emergent) where there is enough time to deliver with spinal anesthesia mom is awake and dad or someone is there with her. She will recover on Labor and Delivery and if the baby is stable she will recover with her baby and dad(whoever) is also there. The goal is to keep everyone together since that is what most everybody wants.

[samjjones]

adsman - Be there. Don't be a pussy.

[thedorf]

I used to think being in the room wasn't such a hot idea either. I also remember phil mickleson after he won his first major or something like that saying that next to the birth of his kids, that was the greatest moment of his life. When I heard that, I thought it was probably total BS (that he got such a big kick out of his kids' birth).

Also, I've been to the amazon, climed volcanoes, taken really great drugs and on and on and nothing even comes close to the day my son was born.

[ QUOTE ]
A few have admitted to me that it has effected their sex life. They can't get the image out of their heads of a raw and bloody childbirth. They won't admit this to their significant others, and they will deny ever having said it, but it is there.


[/ QUOTE ]

I stood right next to my wife's head the whole time. I recommend it. You don't need to look down there. You're paying about a thousand bucks an hour not to.

[ QUOTE ]
And the primary reason is that the woman has natural ways to deal with it. She gets a huge natural endorphin or something or other release that gets her through the event.

[/ QUOTE ]

Well, I don't know what it was, but I was completely overcome myself and wild horses couldn't keep me out of the room for the next one (Jul. 27).

One other thing. IMO, birthing class is completely useless if youre having your baby in a hospital.

[NicksDad1970]

I woudn't have missed it for the world.

it was an awesome moment that I'm thankful I didn't miss.

[fnord_too]

I haven't read any of the responses yet. I was present for the birth of both of my children, and not being there in this day and age is pretty bad IMO (unless you have to be away from the area, like you are on deployment or something.)

One big point: You don't have to look at the actual birth. I really didn't. "Do you want to see this?!!" "Not really." I just stayed by the upper half of my wife and held her hand and said whatever the hell it is you say in those situations to try to be comforting. If you do that you really cannot see the birth part.

When the baby is first born they get reasonably cleaned up right away iirc. That is they get wiped down immediately and it isn't bad at all. They will probably ask you to cut the cord, but that is no biggie, you still don't have to look at the birthing area and it is like a ribbon cutting ceremony almost. You can also say no here too, but it really isn't much of an issue.

It really is not that traumatic unless you are squeemish beyoned belief. I am kinda of squeemish when it comes to other people's misery (my own doesn't get to me that much) and I didn't have any problem with it. There was no crazy screaming, no "YOU DID THIS TO ME!," just maybe a "Damn right I am ready for my epidural!"

The whole process leading up to the birth takes several hours. People come in every so often but for the most part it is just you and your wife waiting. The birth portion varies, but the intense part is really only several minutes iirc, and again, not bad at all if you just don't look at vaginal area, and it is easy not to because they have something blocking the view. Then you get to hold your baby who is less than a minute old, that part is pretty damn cool.

Oh, here is one tip: nurses will change the diapers while you were still there. For the first day or two after birth, a baby's poo is like tar. Don't think "Well, I may as well get some practice changing stinkies" because they are far worse for that first day or two.

Cliff's notes: Man up and go, it isn't that bad and you are shielded from the potentially disturbing stuff if you want to be. (Hell it may not have been that bad but I didn't watch that part.)

[vulturesrow]

First post in a while, and my first in the El D forum. Good one though, as I feel uniquely qualified having had 4 daughters and haivng been there for 3 of 4 births (I was on deployment during the birth of number 2). Without a doubt, I think you should be there. Many people have made some great points, so I'll try not to beat a dead horse here. But I can honstly say it was an amazing experience and my personal feeling is that as a father you have an obligation to be there if your wife wants you to be. My wife had 4 C-sections and I remained comfortably ensconced behind the curtain that is draped over her midsection. I stood up to watch the the baby come out and then cut the cord. Then I accompanied the baby to the nursery and fed all of them for the first time while me wife was in recovery.