Wealth: all in the mind?

[john kane]

ill start off with a bit of a brag. on my finance recording, 11 months ago to the day i had £12,500. Today with gold's rises I hit £100K. great in a way.

but the problem is i feel no wealthier. the only difference i feel is that my self confidence is now even greater becuase i feel i've done pretty dang well to be aged 23 and have £100k given i should be in £10k in debt.

But....i am living at home....i only have about 3 jumpers i ever wear.....i look like i cant afford to eat (always been thin).....i cant drive.....i dont go out and spend much on anything (bar now and then when i get shitfaced)....

and then i thought, well, how much will it take till i actually start blowing some on some decent clothes, moving into a really nice place, eat really well, have enough sleep, go away on weekends etc the kind of thing i invisage i'd like to do when i've 'made it'.

the thing is whether i had £10k, £100k or £200k, i'd probably be doing the same - trying to make more.

i know relatively £100k is nothing. heck i could just about buy a garden shed in london for this, but still, it is a lot of money for someone my age imo.

I'm not at all tight with money, just i dont really see any need to blow it (unless im drunk) on things like clothes. like ill get taxis when i need, ill get some drinks in whenever im out, i dont have a financial worry. yet i dont feel like i have more money than i should.

heck, at times it does make me feel really good, like at work when everyone is asking about when they'll receive their £7k loan and im sitting there thinking '[censored] sweet i dont need to worry about that'.

i just seem to enjoy making money, it's not enjoyable as such, just i am addicted to the challenge.

then i also thought, well, lets say i had £5m. what would i do? well i'd go on a few holidays, but then i'd want to go play poker at really high stakes, go try and set up a business or something, either way, it would be something that would be challenging, interesting, with the plan of also making money.

so.....am i always going to have the mindset of wanting to make money? given ive spent so much of my time trying to do so, will i no longer be able to go back to being 'normal'?

ill stop there, i think im waffling, i suppose £100k is a nice amount, but still, i am so far off the amount i need to have the nice house, no need to make money etc, that for now im caught between wanting to keep trying to make more cash vs trying to enjoy the present as much as i can (becuase i kinda feel i should given how lucky ive been to accumulate money via online poker). one thing i've always told myself is aim for a target, and enjoy the ride, becuase when you get there, it probably won't be as amazing as you'd hoped, so you should make sure you enjoy trying to get there (which i def try to do).

for example, i could go for a weekend away to europe and stay in a cool hotel, have a good time, but then the other part of me would rather research in commodities and play online poker. i suppose i am fortunate to have those 2 options available.

your thoughts/perspective on all this and yourself much appreciated.