Funny and/or Effective Quips to Problem Players

[pfapfap]

Let me preface this by saying that, as a dealer, I feel my job is to shut up and deal, appropriate to the level and game. My goal is not to antagonize, but to assist.

That said, what are some effective (or at least amusing) responses to problem players/situations? I'm hoping fellow dealers will help me out here, as I'm a better writer than quick-witted orator... feed my stockpile, as it were.

What prompted this was this morning I was dealing to someone who kept talking about the board. When asked pointedly not to, he said, "all I'm doing is saying there was a straight and now there's a full house." Yes, exactly right, that's what you're doing, that's the problem.

Anyway, right after that and right before I had the floor come over to explain it to him, he said one of those "I've been playing longer than you've been alive" type of comments, which I ignored. Five minutes too late, I thought: "I'd have thought in all that time you'd have learned to behave like an adult."

The table also didn't like this guy, so I think that'd have helped a lot (or at least gotten me a talking-to by my boss), so I gotta remember it for the future. Anyone have other situations/comments they've seen or would like to? How well did it work to actually diffuse the situation?