Disadvantages of dating a doctor or med student...

[ItalianFX]

This is a serious post and need some help. I could post in OOT or BBV, but I don't think I'd be taken as seriously as I want this to be.

2003, I met this girl. She was like an angel to me the first time I saw her. 1 month later I was sent on a deployment to Kosovo. A year later when I came home, three weeks after I got back, she broke up with me. I was devastated. With the rumors of a second deployment to Iraq, I went into a severe depression. The stress of being away from home, being in Kosovo, and the stress of trying to hold a relationship while I was gone finally broke me down.

I took an anti-depressant for about 1.5 years when all of a sudden I decided I was going to snap out of it and move on with my life. And I did.

I didn't talk to the girl for 2 years, and then all of a sudden she wrote to me on AIM and we got back together because she said, "we were never able to give it a chance." We went to NYC for New Year's Eve where I was able to use my police ID to get us into Times Square (it does come in handy), I paid for her plane ticket for a 2 week trip to California over the summer, and I've always been there for her no matter what.

Well, she is an only child. She can be stubborn sometimes, but she is always stressed. She says that if she can't put 100% into something, then she shouldn't do it at all. She started medical school in August and wants to be a neurosurgeon, but she's still undecided. She's busy. I'm an hour away, which isn't a problem because I see her like once a week. She started getting behind on her work because she never got a break, and since the stress is building, our relationship was the first to go. It doesn't hurt as bad as it did the first time. I saw it coming for awhile. She is very selfish and always tries to blame other people for her stress when all she needs to do is calm down and relax, but she can't. She has trouble sleeping at night and of course, it's some external event like her neighbor, me, doors slamming, or the light coming into her window. She wears earplugs at night just so that she can't hear any noise.

Well, although this is like a vent, I'd like to know what your opinions are on the disadvantages of dating a doctor or a med student? I know they basically have no time, but I guess I'm looking for some reinforcement. I love the girl to death and can't see myself ever feeling the same way about anyone else. I know it's so cliche, but it's true. Like I said, it doesn't hurt as bad as the first time, but I still think about her all the time and wish we would get back together eventhough I know that her selfishness and stressfulness is a problem.

Thanks for reading.

[ArturiusX]

Simple question: Does she love you as much as you love her?

[ItalianFX]

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Simple question: Does she love you as much as you love her?

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Well that was always a question. She always believed that she loved me more than I loved her. She always had her guard up thinking I would cheat on her, and I would never even think about it. If I would talk to a girl and she found out, it would turn into a fiasco. But she can go through her days talking to guys all the time, in fact, her neighbor in the med school dorms is a guy from Philly and I'm not supposed to care at all. It turned out to me just not telling her because I didn't want it to turn into a big ordeal where I would have to fight for her to trust me again. And then it comes down to how I never tell her anything and she thinks I'm being shady. It's like a never ended downward spiral.

Edit: My day consists of 1. sleeping until I have to get up in the morning, 2. going to class, 3. reading news on the internet 4. Reading a book, 5. hanging out in my room, 6. reading more news on the internet...etc. I don't go out, I don't party, I don't talk to anyone, yet....she still thinks I'm up to something.

On the outside she is incredibly beautiful. I fall in love with her more and more everytime I see her because I just think she is so beautiful. But her stressfulness really takes away something because she hardly ever lets loose and just lets things be. However, when she does let loose and is that best friend, she is awesome. She is so much fun to be around. I always tell her that I know that amazing girl is inside of her and she just needs to let it out, but she always has her guard up.

[keikiwai]

I think planning is the key to making it work. So you have to be open about the amount of time you're going to spend with each other, and whether there's any way you can help her with her time (like buying her a nice dinner or making her a nice dinner while she studies once every so often).

If you plan the time, and then make sure the time you spend together is quality, and not just her venting, then it could work if both of your are the independent types and don't mind the time away from each other.

One thing about doctors is that they are generally tough as nails, so if she decides she wants to make it work, I'm sure she can. But the decision has to be mutual, and it's gonna be relatively tough, and take some honest planning together imo.

[ItalianFX]

[ QUOTE ]
I think planning is the key to making it work. So you have to be open about the amount of time you're going to spend with each other, and whether there's any way you can help her with her time (like buying her a nice dinner or making her a nice dinner while she studies once every so often).

If you plan the time, and then make sure the time you spend together is quality, and not just her venting, then it could work if both of your are the independent types and don't mind the time away from each other.

One thing about doctors is that they are generally tough as nails, so if she decides she wants to make it work, I'm sure she can. But the decision has to be mutual, and it's gonna be relatively tough, and take some honest planning together imo.

[/ QUOTE ]

She gets stressed when we plan on when we can see each other too. So we let things work themselves out, and then it's a problem because we never see each other. I'd go down on Monday after class, stay over, and drive back Tuesday morning because I don't start class until 12:30. When I would go there I'd always make her dinner while she studied. I'd sit in the living room while she studied in her room. But she wanted to be near me when I was there and she felt like she had to accompany me as a guest and she felt bad if she didn't, so she never got any quality studying in.

For me, I don't mind the time away. I know in my heart she is there, I hold that bond everywhere I go. She can't seem to do that. She wants to see me more, so I say I'll look into getting a job in that area so that we are closer, but her response is, "even if you're here, I still don't know if I'll be able to see you that much." She just likes to know that I'd be there when she wanted me to.

When I was in Kosovo I applied to her school to transfer. I was denied because they weren't taking anymore transfer students. She wanted me to try to transfer so that we'd be closer. After she broke up with me I asked her if she would have broken up with me if I transferred, and she said she would have. That sucked because she wanted me to transfer to be closer, yet if I would have, it would have been a mistake because I get 100% free tuition through the military where I go now.

So there are no plans with her. She openly admits that she didn't put me first.

[luckybacon]

i dunno one thing ive always been taught and think it holds truth, is if a girl is really jealous always thinks ur cheating etc, she might be cheating

[ItalianFX]

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i dunno one thing ive always been taught and think it holds truth, is if a girl is really jealous always thinks ur cheating etc, she might be cheating

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This girl isn't like that and I know she isn't. I trust her without a doubt. She's not some party player who is always looking for a flirt. She's very goal oriented, knows what she wants, and goes and gets it. The problem is, when she has to start dodging things and making decisions, she gets flustered and stressed.

[luckybacon]

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i dunno one thing ive always been taught and think it holds truth, is if a girl is really jealous always thinks ur cheating etc, she might be cheating

[/ QUOTE ]

This girl isn't like that and I know she isn't. I trust her without a doubt. She's not some party player who is always looking for a flirt. She's very goal oriented, knows what she wants, and goes and gets it. The problem is, when she has to start dodging things and making decisions, she gets flustered and stressed.

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Alright thats great then. I just kinda skimmed the thread and saw that. Just kind of the benchmark I use alot and its usually right. Of course there are completely instances where it doesnt hold true in your case. Sorry didnt mean to derail the thread. [img]/images/graemlins/smile.gif[/img]

[dylan's alias]

I'm a doctor who married another doctor. We both agree that it is a huge advantage having a spouse who understands the stresses of our jobs without question. It makes our lives much easier not to have to explain why we need to cancel plans, are just too tired to go out, need to vent, or don't feel like talking some days when we get home. That doesn't mean that it can't work, but you are going to need to be very flexible/understanding.

If she is serious about being a neurosurgeon then medical school will be the good times. Once residency starts, you won't be seeing nearly as much of her. She will be working long hours, including nights and weekends. Her free time will mostly be spent sleeping.

This isn't meant to be all doom and gloom. If your relationship is strong, then you will work it out. It's not such a unique situation. Plenty of successful relationships have made it through tough times where work has to take priority.

[burningyen]

I am currently dating a 1st-year med student. Yes, it takes planning, work and patience, but it just doesn't sound like your girl is that into you.