my away message...and some more

[drexah]

so im drunk and i realized out of the 36 people on my buddy list that are on, 95% of them are "away" with the most standard boring gay away messages like "away gimme a call or somethin hehe bye" so i decided to mix things up and tell everyone something different for once, here's mine:

"guarantee i have the most shitshow, out of control funniest friends and stories [censored] ever.

just an example, my friend was so blackout shitshow last night he full sprinted into a pool after jumping a fence when running from the cops and had 30 feet to see where he was going but still ran into the pool cause he's so dumb.

we proceeded to make fun of him at his house and drink with his parents the entire next night and then at 11 he was so drunk again his mom had to carry him upstairs and put him to bed haaaahahahahahahahaha.

and someone is downstairs layin pipe in my family room right now good night."


thing is im completely serious. i have at least 3 of the funniest stories from every single night this summer. last night was my friends 21st, stripper ldo, threw down 10 and sucked frosting off of her titties while smacking her ass and getting her balloon knot shoved in my face. cops came, friend sprints into the neighbors pool, we all end up at my house, idiots smashing beer bottles in my basement, go down to kick everyone out and one of my friends who is the most stubborn, pothead [censored] moron in the world just says '[censored] you' to my face when i tell him to leave, so i pick up a chair and [censored] it back about to hit him, put it down and he full charges at me and i completley land on a shard of the broken glass. blood is spurtinf everywhere all over my brand new kicks [censored]. anyways.

so then we went upstairs and smoked 2 blunts in my kitchen WITH my dad and we accidentally sat on my friend who was blackout passed out in my living room and we thought he left like 2 hrs before with some freckled face firecrotch [censored] who he use to bang.

stripper:


beat: didn't get laid tonight yet my friend is downstairs railing some BAF (busted ass face) after setting him up with pillows and sheets