Loaning friends money

[Bond18]

The only condition i'd loan a friend money is if he already had it, just not THERE with him (like say at a casino, a dinner, whatever.) Otherwise, even though friends know i have money, i will make up whatever reason not to because its just not worth the hassle/fallout it creates.

[morphball]

There is a difference between "spotting" and "loaning" in my opinion.

Spotting is when some dude doesn't have some small amount of cash at the moment, like at a small stakes re-buy or some restaurant that doesn't take plastic. You spot, and you should absolutely expect to get paid back.

Loaning is amounts that are meaningful to one or the other. My rule of thumb is, find out why they need it. Then decide if you would be happy writing it off to help a friend avoid that scenario. If the answer is yes, do it. People get weird about money for sure, but if bad [censored] is gonna happen, maybe weirdness is the lesser of evils.

[HeheOkok]

Line check.

I generally haven't had any real problems with loaning money to friends. Haven't had a lot of money earlier, but after a great couple of years playing poker, things are starting to change (and I hate it).

One of my best friends has always had a bright future (at least if you ask me). He was never a very good student, but always seemed to get decent grades and had a lot of good qualities. Very charismatic, big goals in life and an excellent leader. Lately though, he's been hanging out with the wrong kind of people, getting mixed up with selling drugs (pretty harmless) to pay for school and stuff like that. I've been away from my home town for two years (studying) and haven't really been with him a whole lot during this time. However, I was home for christmas and lent him like $1k on one occasion.
The second time he lent from me was different from the first. He said he had a great "business opportunity". He had these pills he had to sell and he told me there was
zero risk and that he would double my money in 1 months time. I told him I wasn't interested myself since it just wasn't that big of a point for me, but that if he needed to borrow money, it was OK. So I borrowed him another $1500. He promised to pay me in late february. No money came, but I wasn't thinking too much about that at the moment except for the fact that I thought it was weird that he hadn't called me for an explanation. Then, in early april he sent an e-mail stating that a "very serious and sick thing" had happened to him. Won't go in to details, but it involved some kind of group who was blackmailing him for around $8000 for something he had done. He didn't ask for money, but said he felt terrible about the whole thing and he was telling me this because I'm one of his best friends and because of the fact that he owed me money and that he couldn't pay it. Although he definitely is one of my best friends, I also know he's fairly manipulative when it comes to other stuff, dealing with other people, and I'm a little scared he's just making this whole story up, however unprobable that might sound. Desperate times call for desperate measures, right? I dunno.
He also has this idea that he's a winning sports better and told me he had won a lot of money recently and been able to pay a piece of the money he owed. I for one don't believe this and I think he's actually lost a lot of money, that he got from his parents, gambling.

As for my actions in the matter, I didn't call him as I probably should have done as a good friend. I replied via e-mail and I basically told him that I couldn't help him very much with the debt since I've already lent him so much and didn't want to owe a good friend so much money without any real prospect of getting it back. I also told him that I thought it was a shame that I hadn't heard from him til now, when he needed to borrow even more money. However, I did send him $400 to get through the day and said that I wouldn't be borrowing him any more.


I feel awful about all of this and I'm thinking maybe I should do something more. It's not like I don't have the money (I win and lose 8k every day), but it's just the priniciple and the fact that I don't want him to owe me that kind of money. I really don't think he expects me to give him all of that money, but I feel maybe I should do something more...

Anway, it feels good to write about it. He asked me not to tell anyone and I haven't.

[nation]

You absolutely cannot lend money to people who don't have it.

When friends or acquaintances ask me for a small loan, I just tell them that I only loan to 3 or 4 people and no one else. If they give me crap about it, I just tell them sorry, I'm not loaning.

Note that the 3 people I would lend to all have similar bankrolls to me, i.e. they have the money, I would loan then 300 or something if an ATM was far away. These are also the same people where I don't have to ask them for the money back, they always offer it quickly. I think that goes hand in hand with having the money though. Broke people a lot of times avoid paying it back right away.

It's tough at first, and you'll find yourself wanting to make up a little lie, like I don't have enough money on me, but you'll soon realize that you don't have to lie to these people. If they are mad that you won't loan them, then they're not that good friends anyways.

Bottom line, don't lend people who don't have good finances and if they do but are untrustworthy or shady, definitely not.

[ImsaKidd]

Nation:

As someone else pointed out, those 3 people you would "lend" $$ to are just getting "spotted", as they already have the $$.

[chesspain]

[ QUOTE ]
The reason it is hard for me to say no is because I see these guys on a daily basis and it would be awkard if they cry for help and I say "no," especially when credit cards are charging at 20%.

[/ QUOTE ]

Are you saying that you would feel guilty not loaning them money at 0% interest, with a stronger than negligible possibility of not getting repaid, after they willingly got themselves into trouble charging up meals and other crap that they couldn't afford.

Grow some balls.

[captZEEbo]

heheokay,

tough spot. I wouldn't feel too much hope about getting more money, but I'm also really surprised you gave him that last $400. I'd never loan money to a degen gambler with a drug problem.

[Stagger_Lee]

If you loan $100 to someone, and you never see that person again, it was probably worth it.

[HP]

a friend owes me 2k. It's just come up on a year now. He says if things go well, he can pay me before the end of the year

Also, am I a nit here being irked by the fact I'm losing like $200 in inflation/opportunity cost?

[prohornblower]

[ QUOTE ]

Also, am I a nit here being irked by the fact I'm losing like $200 in inflation/opportunity cost?

[/ QUOTE ]

No, this isn't nitty, it's natural. You actually understand that 2k last year was worth more than 2k this year. Your friend doesn't, and likely won't even if you try to explain it to him. He's not good with money.