my girlfriend is crying, help bbv

[Docosa]

okay this is what is happening

my parents are out with family friends, and theyll be back any minute so i need your help

Here's some background:

see, i volunteer on my sisters softball team (im 21, the girls are 16)

and whatever yea i met this girl, her name is Alison, and were going out for a while. We have alot in common, sometimes i help her with homework. I helped her on her english essay and she still got a D. This is because the teacher is a prick ... anyways


So she came over like an hour ago, and i really want to lose my virginity, so i ask her to have sex

"no, no i cant, its not right" she said, but i told her "dont worry i know what im doing, ill be done in like 10 seconds, PLUSS ill give you 2 gamecube games if you say yes"

So I give her super monkey ball and zelda wind waker, and then she goes to my room. She's a bit confused and scared.

Then i think to myself - yo I need lube right? Cuz I heard you need to lube up otherwise it wont fit in properly.

Ok so i have no lube, but i really want to lose my virginity - so i grab some butter from the fridge, but its cold, it wont melt - so I microwaved it for 8 minutes, and then i put it in a glass and poured it on her cooter, now shes saying i burned it.

I dont know what to do, my parents are going to be back any minute and shes crying in the bathroom plz help you guys are really smart and please help me

Any idea how to shut her up? Should I give her another gamecube game?

[Truja]

HAHAHHAHAHHAHAAHHAHAHAHHAHAHAHHAHAHHAHHAHAHAHAA IM [censored] CRYING

[SkinnyLittleTwig]

EIGHT MINUTES???

[React1oN]

WTF IS WRONG WITH YOU

[React1oN]

btw, she doesn't really sound like 'your girlfriend'

[asb165]

D for idea
D- for execution

[danzasmack]

Docosa,

This is BBV, we don't have gf's here. It's hookers or nothing.

[LeatherFace]

Technically you didn't get any so I would ask for your games back.

[Chump Change]

[ QUOTE ]
okay this is what is happening

my parents are out with family friends, and theyll be back any minute so i need your help

Here's some background:

see, i volunteer on my sisters softball team (im 21, the girls are 16)

and whatever yea i met this girl, her name is Alison, and were going out for a while. We have alot in common, sometimes i help her with homework. I helped her on her english essay...

[/ QUOTE ]

I got this far and was already lawling hard. Take note, short fiction writers, this is quality.

[SkinnyLittleTwig]

seriously eight minutes

when you microwave butter for that long it's like atomic waste

and then you pour it inside her

omg