Really F-d up situation I have found myself in...(long)

[Joe Tall]

I'm not sure how to make this quick but I could use some advice if anyone has found themselves in a similar situation before.

I've been seeing this girl who lives in Denver. We have been visiting each other, (Vegas, Denver, Mass) since November. We have really enjoyed each others company.

One time when she was here in January my phone rings. It’s some guy asking for her. I give her the phone. The call upsets her and she tells me it was a crazy x-boyfriend of hers. For the record, I’m 33, she’s 36 and this individual is 34; it’s a little unlike that high-school situations I’ve dealt with, so to speak. He called from her home in Denver. She lives with her brother and is friends with him, in passing. He went through her stuff and stole her address book and found my name, number and address.

A little on their/her history, first: she is Laosain and comes from a strict family back ground. This x-boyfriend is Laosain also and they dated nearly 13yrs ago before she was sent away to be in an arranged marriage. The marriage didn’t last as her husband was abusive and she broke it off around 2000. This is when the old x-boyfriend comes back into her life as he hears through the Laosain community that the marriage is over. He hires a P.I. and tracks her down in 2001. By this time he is married with children and lives in Massachusetts but constantly pops into Denver as he is a trucker and he is “on route”. She tries to avoid him but he befriends her brother somewhat in Denver.

I kept on her to get a restraining order and she went through the preliminary motions last week. She also changed her phone number since he would not stop calling her. He has repeatedly threaten her. Comments like, "I'll blow your head off if you are not with me" and "I'll take me, you and him down if you don't leave him." She has an officer that is working on her case and needs to go court or something to finish the restraining order process. I am unsure on how the Colorado system works.

Last week I got a threatening phone call from him. I saved the voice mail as I will not answer a “Restricted Number”. Simply saying to stay away from her or he will F-with me and come to find out he stopped in Denver and she told him to go away because she is seeing me.

She came out to Mass to visit me this weekend. My roommate stepped outside to smoke a cigarette yesterday and two Asian guys stepped out of a car and asked him if they knew Joe and he said no. When my roommate came back in, we called the police but the Asian guys disappeared by the time the police showed up. Later on last night, about 5 hours later, I got another threatening voice mail, saved it again. Shortly after the buzzer rings in my apartment and I call the police again. He must have seen them coming as the ringing stopped and left another threatening voice mail. Then about an hour later he left an apologetic voicemail and told me that I didn’t have to call the police. Hours went by and we didn’t hear anything until 1AM where he left another voicemail.

We are about to go down to the police department to file a restraining order. I wouldn’t feel so threatened if I wasn’t on crutches. Some of you know that I severely sprained my ankle super bowl weekend. If anyone has any suggestions it would be appreciated.

Thank you for your time in reading this. I appreciate it.

[NT!]

Joe,

Answer the phone and tell him in no uncertain terms you're going to press charges if he doesn't stop calling you and your lady friend. If he doesn't stop, press charges.

Come out to Western MA for some R&R and unwind. I'll buy you a beer.

NT

[asofel]

Joe,

Sorry to hear this man. I don't know what one could say to you to help....really sounds like a [censored] situation...It seems like you're handling it well and involving the authorities though...beyond that I'm not sure what else you could do...have you had other thoughts of what to try?

[New001]

Is there anything the police can do beyond a restraining order? Something tells me this guy isn't going to care much about it.

[nolanfan34]

Wow, that is messed up man. I wish I had a good answer for you, but it sounds like you're doing all you can. Utilize the letter of the law, and hopefully this guy will take the hint.

Best of luck to you, I hope it works out OK.

[Warik]

File a restraining order (as you are doing) and arm yourself just in case he is crazier than he seems (if that is even possible).

Sucks... hopefully someone else will have more/better advice for you.

Good luck and take care man.

[esad]

File a restraining order and then disappear. They guy is a nutcase. Is your life worth it?

Seriously. Move and make sure he can't find you. I'd make sure the gf does the same thing. Change your name if you have to. Based on what he's done he's the type to take it to the next level. Either be prepared to defend yourself always or make yourself unavailable. Expecting the police to protect you is a recipie for disaster.

[jaffa]

I read an article in a magazine recently about what one american police force (i think it might have been san fransico's) does to counter this type of thing. They have a specialist stalker unit. I guess you could find out if your local force has a similar thing in place. From what i remember of the article the SF stalker unit try to get the stalker incarcerated before he can do any damage for other crimes, be it tax evasion or shoplifting or something petty like that. This is before the restraining order is put into place. I can't remember the rest of the article, but as long as you're keeping the authorities updated there's not much more you can do that i can think of.

[Meech]

If the guy is still chasing her after 13 years, hiring a PI -- a restraining order wont do jack.

I think it's time to reasses the relationship. You are gonna be dealing with this putz for a while. Is it worth it?

[CommanderCorm]

Talk to her brother maybe? Since he´s friends with the guy, maybe he can help.