Funniest Simpsons line ever

[Buckyinsc]

Homer is in church listening to a football game on an earphone as his team is kicking the game winning field goal at the end of the game:

Homer stands up and yells :"It's GOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOD"

Silence and stares from everyone then,

Homer: "ah.... to see you all here today."

[Go Blue]

I never appreciated this line until I just saw it recently but, in the show where Homer goes into space, Mr. Burns is supposed to award the employee of the week to him.

Mr. Burns: Compadres, it is imperative that we crush the freedom fighters before the start of the rainy season. And remember, a shiny new donkey for whoever brings me the head of Colonel Montoya. Hmm? What? Oh, and by that I mean, of course, it's time for the Worker of the Week Award. I can't believe we've overlooked this week's winner for so very, very long. We simply could not function without his tireless efforts. So, a round of applause for...this inanimate carbon rod!

Homer: Ooh...inanimate, huh? I'll show him inanimate! (Then stands completely still).

[CappyAA]

I can't believe I read through this whole thread and nobody quoted this classic. This sequence makes me laugh every single time I see it...

Lou: You know, I went to the McDonald's in Shelbyville on Friday night --
Wiggum: [interrupting] The McWhat?
Lou: Uh, the McDonald's restaurant. I, I never heard of it either, but they have over 2,000 locations in this state alone.
Eddie: Must've sprung up overnight.
Lou: You know, the funniest thing though; it's the little differences.
Wiggum: Example.
Lou: Well, at McDonald's you can buy a Krusty Burger with cheese, right? But they don't call it a Krusty Burger with cheese.
Wiggum: Get out! Well, what do they call it?
Lou: A Quarter Pounder with cheese.
Wiggum: Quarter Pounder with cheese? Well, I can picture the cheese, but, uh, do they have Krusty partially gelatinated non-dairy gum-based beverages?
Lou: Mm-hm. They call 'em, "shakes."
Eddie: Huh, shakes. You don't know what you're gettin'.
Wiggum : Well I know what I'm getting. Some donuts.

[Tennenbaum]

Homer daycare episode:
Homer has run away w/ the kids in the back of an armored truck. They are on a high speed chase and they crash into a tree.

Kent Brockman to Arnie Pie: And how are the children?
Arnie annoyed w/ Kent: I can't see through metal Kent!

Another Arnie one:
"I dont have a mirror that can see into people's souls, Kent, but if I did, yours would be black, Kent, black as the ace of spades!"

[Don_Lapre]

I don't know what the funniest line ever is, here are some that I don't think have been in the thread.


Peppi (exchange student): I love you Papa Simpson.
Homer: I love you too Pepsi.
Peppi (exchange student): Peppi.
Homer: Peppi


Ralph Wiggum: I bent my wookie.


Homer (looking at a map): Ooohhh....there's a New Mexico.

[vexvelour]

my favorite that comes to mind is from Wiggum..

he's in the kitchen of the Simpsons scratching his face with his gun

Marge: Chief, be careful with that gun, you could hurt yourself!

Wiggum: Heh heh, don't worry, I'm the peef of chaleese.

(say it out loud)

[Triumph36]

Some more obscure ones that haven't been mentioned:

An exchange between Hank Scorpio (Albert Brooks) and Homer when Homer goes to work for the Globex Corporation:

Hank: Uh, hi, Homer. What can I do for you?
Homer: Sir, I need to know where I can get some business hammocks.
Hank: Hammocks? My goodness, what an idea. Why didn't I think of that? Hammocks! Homer, there's four places. There's the Hammock Hut, that's on third.
Homer: Uh-huh.
Hank: There's Hammocks-R-Us, that's on third too. You got Put-Your-Butt-There?
Homer: Mm-Hmm.
Hank: That's on third. Swing Low, Sweet Chariot... Matter of fact, they're all in the same complex; it's the hammock complex on third.
Homer: Oh, the hammock district.
Hank: That's right.

That one kills me and I'm 90% it was improvised.

Another classic from when Homer becomes a Krusty the Clown impersonator:

Homer: Aw, being a clown sucks. You get kicked by kids, bit by dogs, and admired by the elderly. Who am I clowning? I have no business being a clown! I've leaving the clowning business to all the other clowns in the clowning business.

[Borst]

Marge maybe it's the beer talking but you got a butt that won't quit, they got these big chewy pretzels here ............... Five dollars! Get outta here.

[epdaws]

Lionel Hutz: "Well, we didn't win. Here's your pizza."

Marge: "But we did win!"

Hutz: "That's okay, the box is empty!"

[GotRivered?]

Agent: "From now on, your name is Mr. Thompson. When i say your name, you say Hello. Hello Mr Thompson"
Homer: stares at the wall not responding
--- Cut to a while later in the same room ---
Agent: Now, when I say, "Hello, Mr. Thompson," and press down on your foot, you smile and nod.
Homer: No problem.
Agent: Hello, Mr. Thompson! (presses on Homer's foot)
Homer: (whispers to other agent) I think he's talking to you