I'm a social retard...

[aflaba]

I've always been pretty introvert. I work pretty well in social situations although I don't talk all that much. In later years I've learned how to small talk though. But that wasn't something that came natural to me growing up.

Almost whenever I meet people that I haven't known for years I get a bit tense and panicy. Sometimes everything works fine anyways and I'm able to enjoy myself and be casual and keep my mind on the people I'm talking with.

But other times I just want to flee, flee far away!!! And I think of escape ways to get out of the conversation as quickly as possible, and to avoid making any commitments or anything. Just flee!

Now if the were dangerous or unfriendly I would have no problem with my behavior. But sometimes, most of the time, after having fled and having calmed down a bit, I realize that really I wish I would have done the opposite and stayed and chit chatted and then went partying with them...

When I was younger I was ok with this. I guess I thought I'd grow out of it. But now I'm 22, which is still young, but I've been like this for as long as I've known myself, since age 6 at least. It kind of bums me. I don't know if I'm making any progress. If I am it is very slow.

I feel like I'm missing many opportunities and experiences in life. Not just partying. All areas of life. I don't want to flee from action any more. What is your advice? Should I just accept that I am an introvert? Should I find workarounds? Should I practice? Prepare?

Please give me advice, and if there are any good directions, point me in them. I'd like to hear your personal experiences as well, or things you've seen.

[Allinlife]

like everything in life, you can learn to be more socially active. I suggest you just expose your self to more social situations, attending socials/events. if this is hard for you, I think volunteering is probably the best way to find friendly people you can have an easy conversation about.

I also recommend you go talk to a psychiatrist, cognitive- behavioral therapy can do wonders for things like this.

[dtan05]

I think a lot of people start out like this. But for me, the more self confidence I got = the easier it was to talk to people. Do you have close friends at least, and want to meet new people? If that's the case, dress up. If you look good, you feel good, IMO. Also, working out might help. You feel pretty goddamn sexy after a couple months. You might even be a 9.999 on hotornot.

After I got confidence, everything social just followed pretty naturally - it became a lot easier to be open to meeting new people. In retrospect, I guess I figured it was because they wouldn't judge me negatively for my looks (guess I think the world is shallow? and I was a chubbychild).

just a few pointers on how I got around my introvert stage.

[Catriona]

Im 22 and Ive always stuggled with being shy aswell. My advice is to keep on pushing yourself and eventually it will become easier. Ive moved around alot in the past few years so Ive had to meet new ppl all the time and it gets easier each time, though sometimes its extremely hard. Sometimes I slip back into being shy but I try not to let that get me down. Just remember that when you are talking to someone they are probably thinking more about what they are saying and how they are coming across than judging you. Dont label yourself an introvert if thats not what you want to be. I agree with dtan05 about making an effort on your appearence, i always feel more comfortable when im looking good, but dont put too much importance on this. Dont regret past situations where you felt you have missed out, just use this as motivation. Next time you're feeling uncomfortable and want to flee, force yourself to stick it out, nail your feet to the ground and let the awkward feelings pass. Think about making other ppl feel comfortable so as to take your focus off yourself. And dont feel bad if you fall back into your old routine, you always have time to get better at this.

[Suigin406]

OP, we all need to adjust to new situations, i'm sure a lot of us have felt this way...

the best way is to prolly expose urself to these situations more and hopefully u just become more acclimated to it...i would try to hang out with close friends and meet new people through them at bars/clubs and stuff like that...just "practice"...

[Degenerasian]

Smile often and look easy going, never angry/frustrated. If you look approachable, you will be approached.

[yellowjack]

well, at least you know you're a social retard. ref. roaddog

[DerrtySlime]

read "The Game" by Neil Strauss. check out pick up artists like Juggler, Johhny Saviour. PickUP is probbaly the best thing you canlearn because it will give you skills that will enhance your WHOLE LIFE in many different ways. search 'seduction school' and watch the 5 part mini-series on youtube.

[john kane]

it may be becuase of who your talking to. it's easy to talk with friends becuase you've typically stayed in touch with them/hang out with them becuase you have things in common, like sports, tv, playstation, drinking, poker etc etc.

i wouldn't say i was shy at all but that's mainly becuase i guess ive been lucky from 16 onwards to get to know people who i get on well with. i don't really enjoy speaking to new people becuase i find it an effort with the whole 'what do you do....where are you from....etc' that just becomes a drag and unless they are female and fit i really don't care what they say unless it's something interesting (which 80% of the time it probably won't be).

i guess what im saying is just stick with people you get on with, don't worry about not being able to talk with new people, becuase in general you wont have similar interests. if the problem is not having enough people with the same interests, i guess try and go to societies or a poker club or something. i think trying to make friends is a lot lot lot harder than getting to know people and then gradually becoming friends. like i've never gone out and thought 'lets try to meet new people' it's always been through them being a friend of a friend i guess.

anyways, its almost 7am so sorry if ive been rambling.

[Ralph Wiggum]

Have a beer or two (not anymore though).