Buddy's girl writes him a poem... good or meh?

[AmadisSB]

So my friend's girl writes him a poem and he shares it with me. He thinks its great but, honestly, I just dont see anything special about it.

** a little disclaimer ** I cant post a pic, he reads the form and will cry. Also, if the poem was actually good, i'd be the first to acknowlege it.

anyways, you guys take a look and let us know!

Here it is...

hungry….I wait
...for I know you
satisfy....
I am yours babe
forever...always...
please stay by my side
im soo happy…I am soo happy…
I am soo happy …
your mine.

so, is it great, meh or bad

[mbillie1]

This poem sucks by any definable standards, but if it's meaningful to both of them, who cares?

[dlk9s]

Issues:

1) Ellipses
2) babe
3) soo
4) your

[mbillie1]

[ QUOTE ]
Issues:

1) subject matter
2) played out way in which subject matter is developed
3) absence of form, but not in a cool ee cummings way but more of a lame, driveling emo way
4) boring, predictable language

[/ QUOTE ]

[mbillie1]

here is an example of a good love poem:




is there a flower(whom
i meet anywhere
able to be and seem
so quite softly as your hair

what bird has perfect fear
(of suddenly me) like these
first deepest rare
quite who are your eyes

(shall any dream
come a more millionth mile
shyly to its doom
than you will smile)



(cummings obviously)

[jafeather]

[ QUOTE ]
Issues:

1) Girly writes boyman lovey poetstuff
2) Boyman knows girly's poetstuff is -ev
3) Boyman can never admit to anyone ever that he knows poetstuff is -ev, for girly may find out and that is even more -ev
4) ???
5)profit

[/ QUOTE ]

[Los Feliz Slim]

I have written a shitton of bad poetry in my day, much of it bad love poetry, and I have never written a piece of crap as bad as that poem.

F.

[mbillie1]

lol understandable sir

edit: understandable in the sense that jafeather = boyman... amirite

[Paul B.]

lmfao

"your mine"

[MikeHoncho]

I think at least 3 of those lines are stolen from those heart-shaped valentine candies with words on them like "Be mine." Ask her if she has any left, those things are pretty tasty.