Are today's parents enabling their kids to be self-centered?

[Sniper]

[ QUOTE ]
I'd be willing to bet that more "problem" children come from single parent homes than from two parent homes where both parents work. I guess we'd have to define the criteria for "problem" children first though.

[/ QUOTE ]

adios, I think this simplifies things too much... there are other environmental factors that play a role.

As an example, the impact and involvement of grandparents, can mitigate many parental issues.

[adios]

Let me qualify what I stated with what I perceive as the gist of what's being postulated. When we say two parent homes, we're talking about two parent families that are functional as opposed to dysfunctional. I can think of many scenarios where one parent is the biological parent and their partner would be considered the other parent figure that are dysfunctional. I don't think that's the situation that we're addressing here when we talk about stay at home parents. We're talking about otherwise functional families where both parents decide to work as opposed to functional families where only one parent decides to work. I realize that using the terms functional and dysfunctional is subjective as well. I guess that is indicative of one of the problems I have with the article in particular and the comments in general, IMO we're discussing a lot off issues based on vague and subjective notions.

With the above caveat. Is criminal and delinquent behavior more problematic than self-centered and bratty? I'm fairly certain that we'll find more criminal and delinquent behaving children, proportionally speaking, from one parent homes. Self-centered and bratty behavior is so subjective as well IMO, what I consider to be self centered and bratty behavior I'm fairly certain is not the same for everyone. What teenager isn't bratty and self centered at times?

[adios]

[ QUOTE ]
[ QUOTE ]
I'd be willing to bet that more "problem" children come from single parent homes than from two parent homes where both parents work. I guess we'd have to define the criteria for "problem" children first though.

[/ QUOTE ]

adios, I think this simplifies things too much... there are other environmental factors that play a role.

As an example, the impact and involvement of grandparents, can mitigate many parental issues.

[/ QUOTE ]

I agree and see my response below where I try to "narrow" it down some.

[katyseagull]

[ QUOTE ]
What teenager isn't narcisstic? Anyway this apparently was a sample of college students and in my opinion doesn't provide conclusive evidence that parents are "enabling their kids to be self centered" and furthermore that this is a major problem with the way children are being parented today.



[/ QUOTE ]


I agree. I think this is a larger societal issue and blaming indulgent parents is not entirely correct. For instance, I think you can be an indulgent parent and end up with a hard-working, compassionate, moral adult child. I think what is most important is the attitude of the parent. The parent has to convey values and ethics. The parent can be indulgent (tying the kids shoes, buying them video systems, vacuuming their room) while still showing them their own work ethic and value system. In this instance wouldn't the kid grow up to role model their parent? I guess I'm just missing something here.

I feel bad for the parents who are frustrated with their kids because they are blaming themselves. Isn't it possible that it is a broader societal problem and not necessarily the parenting? I don't know. I guess I need to think about it more.

I have seen a lot of indulgent parents. Some of my friends are ridiculously indulgent with their little kids. I find it hard to believe that these same kids are going to grow up self-centered and not caring about others.

[Myrtle]

[ QUOTE ]
What teenager isn't narcisstic? Anyway this apparently was a sample of college students and in my opinion doesn't provide conclusive evidence that parents are "enabling their kids to be self centered" and furthermore that this is a major problem with the way children are being parented today. Color me extremely unimpressed by this article. Not stating that kids and parents don't face significant and difficult challenges, just saying that this article isn't very good and the "evidence" it's based on is problematic at best.

[/ QUOTE ]

Adios,

Your question above is not unreasonable in context, however….

….Isn’t narcissism at the ‘teen-age’ phase of growth simply an extension of its’ stronger vestiges displayed during a persons formative pre-teen years?

To me, the more important issue is how have both parents and society ‘in general’ changed over the past 40-50 years in dealing with this particular trait?

Methinks that if we look at the issue from this point of view, that we will see that our culture today to a certain degree cultivates narcissism, whereas 3 or 4 generations ago, it was not viewed as a positive behavioral trait.

I’d like to explore that factor to see if it leads to a greater understanding of this issue.

[katyseagull]

[ QUOTE ]


Methinks that if we look at the issue from this point of view, that we will see that our culture today to a certain degree cultivates narcissism, whereas 3 or 4 generations ago, it was not viewed as a positive behavioral trait.



[/ QUOTE ]


You're saying our culture cultivates narcissism in BOTH parents and kids, right? Even educated adults who should know better are narcissistic and shallow.

[Myrtle]

[ QUOTE ]
[ QUOTE ]


Methinks that if we look at the issue from this point of view, that we will see that our culture today to a certain degree cultivates narcissism, whereas 3 or 4 generations ago, it was not viewed as a positive behavioral trait.



[/ QUOTE ]


You're saying our culture cultivates narcissism in BOTH parents and kids, right? Even educated adults who should know better are narcissistic and shallow.

[/ QUOTE ]

Katy,

If many of today's 'educated adults who should know better' were themselves products of an narcissistic upbringing, how would they "know better"?

[hyde]

[ QUOTE ]
[ QUOTE ]
[ QUOTE ]


Methinks that if we look at the issue from this point of view, that we will see that our culture today to a certain degree cultivates narcissism, whereas 3 or 4 generations ago, it was not viewed as a positive behavioral trait.



[/ QUOTE ]


You're saying our culture cultivates narcissism in BOTH parents and kids, right? Even educated adults who should know better are narcissistic and shallow.

[/ QUOTE ]

Katy,

If many of today's 'educated adults who should know better' were themselves products of an narcissistic upbringing, how would they "know better"?

[/ QUOTE ]

I'm not sure 'educated adults' have as much to do with being good parents as one would hope. There is little in formal education that prepares one to be a parent. I think nurture contributes more to good parenting.
And some unnurtured ( is that a word?) people become good parents by way of their nature, by way of their being thoughtful or reflective. Being able to learn things about life for which there are little or no formal studies.

[Myrtle]

[ QUOTE ]
[ QUOTE ]
[ QUOTE ]
[ QUOTE ]


Methinks that if we look at the issue from this point of view, that we will see that our culture today to a certain degree cultivates narcissism, whereas 3 or 4 generations ago, it was not viewed as a positive behavioral trait.



[/ QUOTE ]


You're saying our culture cultivates narcissism in BOTH parents and kids, right? Even educated adults who should know better are narcissistic and shallow.

[/ QUOTE ]

Katy,

If many of today's 'educated adults who should know better' were themselves products of an narcissistic upbringing, how would they "know better"?

[/ QUOTE ]

I'm not sure 'educated adults' have as much to do with being good parents as one would hope. There is little in formal education that prepares one to be a parent. I think nurture contributes more to good parenting.
And some unnurtured ( is that a word?) people become good parents by way of their nature, by way of their being thoughtful or reflective. Being able to learn things about life for which there are little or no formal studies.

[/ QUOTE ]

A proper and meaningful distinction between 'an educated adult" and 'an nurturing adult'.

Thanks for picking up on it and pointing it out.