A trip report I never posted...

[Inthacup]

I went to Vegas back in early March and wrote a trip report when I got back, but never posted it. The trip came up in conversation, which reminded me that I needed to make this post. I’m good friends with 2+2 posters _2000Flushes(2KF) and ArchAngel71857(AA). It was their idea to hit Vegas and another one of our friends came along. There was some Nascar race this weekend and I saw my fair share of mullets and Nascar jackets. Hell, if I wanted to see that, I could have just stayed in Tennessee.

AA is coming from up north and meeting us there, but 2kf and me are on the same flight. We sit next to a Nascar guy who happens to be pretty cool. He’s on the flight with a couple of his rowdy friends and by the end of the flight, they’re chanting ‘Chicken Ranch!’ and talking [censored] to other Nascar fans. I’m assuming Chicken Ranch is a strip club or whore house or something. I didn’t push the issue at the time.

So, we arrive in Vegas around 10:30 and meet up with AA who has already gotten the car. To my surprise, it’s a ...dodge intrepid. Why do we have such a shitty car you ask? Because you have to be 25 to get the Jaguar that AA rented. Lucky for us, we got to pimp out in the dodge intrepid the entire weekend.

We roll up to the Bellagio and unpack our bags. While upacking the bags, 2kf gives me one of my favorite gifts ever: A mesh hat with a headshot of Mason on it. I made some joking post about it a long time ago and he remembered and made one for me online. He's just that kind of guy. Needless to say, we're great friends.

First thing we hit is the poker room and I sit at a 15-30 game with 2kf. I was in Vegas about 18 months ago and it’s amazing how much the traffic has grown in that room. They definitely need to make some expansions. The first night was pretty uneventful. The only interesting point was the discussion started by the hat. Some Vegas regular made a comment about it and asked if he could buy it for $15. I laughed. Then someone else at the table said ‘isn’t that Mason Malmuth?’ and a total fish chimes in with ‘who’s that? Phil Helmuth’s dad?’ That put the table in an uproar. The Vegas regular eventually offered me up to $50 for it, but I declined.

I lost about $150 at 15-30 and joined AA about 2 hours later and played some 8-16. Ended up losing about $300 more and we hit the sack about 5:30 in the morning.

We get up on Fri. at about 10 and head straight back down to the poker room. This time, AA joins me at 15-30. He’s never played anything higher than 5-10 but I was confident he could beat the game, despite the fact I was sitting there. We played for about 2 hours before lunch and I hit a GREAT run of hands. I lost one showdown and a total of 2 flops that I saw. I walked away after 2 hours up $900 at the table and about $500 for the trip.

After lunch, we decided it was time to start pounding. All 4 of us sat at 8-16 and turned it into a bar. You know it’s bad when 2kf says ‘how many drinks can I order at a time? As many as I want? OK, I’ll have 3 long island iced tea’s’. I can’t really remember how I did at 8-16, but it was around even. We ate dinner at Ceasar’s Palace and the drinks kept coming. We came back to the hotel around 10 and I felt like [censored]. I hit the sack and didn’t wake up until 5AM. Needless to say, this didn’t make the other guys too happy and they made hourly trips up to the room to [censored] with me. I wasn’t passed out mind you, just dehydrated and tired.

So I hear all these stories about how 2kf went crazy at the 4-8 table while I was asleep. I was rather pissed that I missed it, and he assured me that the same thing was coming the next night.

Saturday night rolls around and we ate at the Mirage. The real reason we ate there is so we could play 3-6. We all sat at the same 3-6 table and it was the craziest/funniest thing I’ve ever seen. 2kf turned the 3-6 table into the best and most profitable room in the house. First hand he sits in with $30(the minimum) and claims ‘Next hand, I’m raising no matter what’. He follows up by playing the hand blind through the river, raising at every opportunity. He tables 2 9 for nine high and goes to reload. The table is laughing hysterically. He buys in for the minimum a few more times, losing it on the first hand each time until the snide old man makes a comment. He then goes up to the counter and cashes in for about $2000 in reds and it was on. The tone is set and it continues for the next 3 hours. He played 95% of the hands he was dealt, and most times played it blind. On top of that, when he would win a pot, he would do crazy [censored] like say ‘man, I’m really sorry bout that, here you go’ and would toss the guy $10. One time, a dealer sat down, and said ‘Hi everyone’, 2kf says ‘Good Job’ and tosses him a $5 chip. Everyone at the table starts cracking up, and the dealer puts his head down, trying to control his laughter. Another time, 2kf wins a huge pot and after the hand, passes $3 to everyone at the table so that everyone would have a free ride to see the next flop. Not wanting to be outdone, other players at the table started getting in on the action. Two asian guys decide they’re going to play THEIR hands blind till the river, raising at every opportunity. Needless to say, I’ve never laughed more at a poker table and probably never will. I think he ended up close to even at the table, but the entertainment value was priceless.

A fun highlight on the night was when we managed to soften up this 70 yr old hag who was determined put a halt to any and all fun at the table. She had a wonderful scowl and was not afraid to use it. The first 15 minutes were a little uncomfortable, but she finally came around and eventually started getting in on the shenanigans! At the table next to us, there were these 2 girls, both very hot, wearing purple shirts. 2KF started devising a plan on how we could get 'purple shirts' to come to our table. He made a few comments over the humm of the cardroom that could easily be heard by the table next to us, but they weren't responding much. 2KF decided to write a note on a cocktial napkin and was going to give it to them. 2KF will have to follow up with the contents of the note, because I can't really remember. Old hag decided to get in on the action and volunteered to take the note to them! The note didn't woo them, nor did the boisterous offer of 'I'll give 2 purple chips for 2 purple shirts!' that was said by 2KF for the surrounding tables to hear.


In the midst of all this, I met up with ClarkNasty, and Bob S. at the Mirage, but that was just over a beer. Clark had to cut it short because of a date with his girlfriend and Dynasty had a date with good old Rosie, I think(j/k). While their personalities were pretty polar, I enjoyed talking to both. I actually spent more time with Dynasty because we were waiting for Clarkmeister to finish his time charge. He saw some of the action that was going on at the 3-6 table and made a few comments about 'Is he(2KF) really passing his money around the table?' Yes, yes he was.


I was supposed to leave Sunday, but we were having too much fun and I got it worked out to go home on a Monday flight. We were extending our room at the front desk and the lady tells us that we can upgrade to a penthouse for an extra $150. We jump on that and move from floor 5 to 29. This room was so freakin nice it was crazy. Wetbar, bigscreen TV with sound system, living room, hot tub, steam room, all kinds of things that we used to our advantage that night.

We decided to see what the sun looked like and spent a few hours by the pool. 2 hours later, we had a $200+ tab and a few new lady friends who were sun-bathing behind us. The sun was setting and we were starving, so we made arrangments to meet up with the ladies later that night(in the PENTHOUSE!) and we got some dinner.

After dinner, 2kf and my other friend decided to go on a mission to pick up some non-whores. They succeeded and in no time, we had a nice little party with about 20 people in the penthouse. I don't remember much about that night, but I do remember some people ordering fruit plates at 4 am and the whip cream fight that followed. We partied until about 8 AM and everyone that was single hooked up. It was a great night of debauchery that finished off the trip perfectly. I caught my plane back to the east coast and none other than the ‘chicken ranch’ guys were on the same damn flight back. What are the odds?

Well, that’s my Vegas story. I’m probably leaving some stuff out, but if you remember everything, you didn’t have enough fun.



Cup

[DOTTT]

[ QUOTE ]
One time, a dealer sat down, and said ‘Hi everyone’, 2kf says ‘Good Job’ and tosses him a $5 chip.

[/ QUOTE ]
My co worker now thinks I'm crazy. I was laughing for over 5 minutes. Great post, and thanks for sharing.

[astroglide]

[ QUOTE ]
Another time, 2kf wins a huge pot and after the hand, passes $3 to everyone at the table so that everyone would have a free ride to see the next flop.

[/ QUOTE ]

that is AWESOME

[Vehn]

Best trip report ever.

+ not folksy at all.

Take notes people.

[Clarkmeister]

You are right. ClarkNasty and DynoMeister are vastly superior to our respective current handles.

[CrackerZack]

How could you not post this earlier?!?!?

This is one of the best reports I've ever read.

[ArchAngel71857]

Notes and Comments:

1. It's about time you posted this.

2. It was not a dodge intrepid. I tried to rent the car from Hertz, who wouldn't let me, despite 2kf's assurances. When I couldn't, I went next door to Sav-Mor car rental (I spelled it right) and got a Ford Taurus. It didn't remain a Ford Taurus for long, because it was since dubbed the Ford Clitoris, and I swear to God it was pink. So we pimped out the whole time in a Ford Clitoris.

2. Cup forgot the most important part of the story. During the second afternoon, as Cup and I are sitting at the softest 8-16 table in the planet, we are waiting for 2kf. I spot him from across the room. He is about 6'2. 215 lbs. He is wearing a small size green t-shirt that says Kiss Me I'm Irish. He has on "shorts." I put the quotes because I have boxers that are longer. They are yellow with red flames on the bottom, and say "Hottie, Las Vegas" on the ass. He has not cut his hair in 9 months. And has it slicked back excpet the very bottom (kind of a make do mullet. props to nascar fans. the mullet style would closely resemble Fluffy Feather if that means anything to anybody). He has on these sunglasses that are about half the size of his head. I don't know how else to describe them except to say its something I expect that guy Ali G to wear or whatever. Finally, he is wearing golf shoes. So 2kf comes over to us and wants to sit at our table. The only problem is that they are breaking our table up to make room for the tourney about to start, and won't accept new players. So when 2kf starts to sit down the dealer explains "well, you shouldn't, but does anyone have a problem with it?" One jack off guy who took his inspiration for life from Thomas Spakowski says "Yeah, I have a problem with it." and then proceeds to expalin to the dealer who this would skip him ahead of the two people on the 8/16 waiting list (I HAVE PEOPLE SKILLS!). So 2kf walks off and says "Well don't take it personally." Which Spakowski did and said "Well, I do."
The christopher walken impersonator just laughed and said under his breath "Whoa, too crazy."

C. This time, AA joins me at 15-30. He’s never played anything higher than 5-10 but I was confident he could beat the game, despite the fact I was sitting there.

Har har. ass.

D. During the time when Cup was "dehydrated" and "tired and "a tweleve year old girl (ooo, look she's going to be a woman soon. Here's something for you, Cup, your very own training bra. do you like it? does it feel nice on your newly developed bosom?)," 2kf brought back his costume to the 4-8 table. This is where he developed his tricks that were in effect on saturday night. I really just remember laughing a lot, drinking, talking with dealers about where they were from, because it seemed I used to live near everyone the bellagio hired, and running back up to the room to [censored] with cup, which happened about every hour.

Next. We had decided we wanted to play golf, so we found a course way out and set a tee time sunday morning for 9 AM. when we got back from the mirage at 4 AM, we called the pro shop and left the message "Hi Debbie, we can't make our tee time. something came up." I think we still got charged.

8,;. The old hag was named permafrown. She responded to this name. Second, the hardest the table laughed was when two girls asked Cup and I what 2kf did for a living. Our response: "professional poker player." Other highlights include Cup and I's locker room fun at the dealer yelling "My box is empty," having the entire table chant 2kf's name when he delivered the note to Purple Shirt, ordering my ninth or tenth amstel light, having a bet on how many urinals were in the men's room (which Cup and I somehow miscounted), and finishing up $350.

9. Sunday was fun as we met Nicole and NiTanya by the pool and as we all put suntan lotion on each other's backs in the worst congo line the bellagio has ever seen. Coming back from dinner, the highlight of the trip happened. After repeatedly putting up with the pointless bellagio security checkpoint, I utter "I wish we had tied 2kf up and put him in the trunk." Next thing I hear is the back door slam, and see him climb into the trunk and close it. Needless to say, the security guard about [censored] his pants. we recieved a good kindergarten scowling and were told "you won't think its funny when you turn around and leave." so we proceeded to park and go into the casino.

That's all I can really add. Also the fact that I kept grabbing as many porn fliers as I could find and handing them to Cup, 2kf, and our friend. Mostly our friend. Who kept taking them every time.

-AA

P.S. One string of events I do remember: Sat night. We leave the Bellagio, but not before 2kf can make a stop at casino war. He drops a 100 bill and wants one 100 chip. He gets an explanation of how it is played and wants to hear the dealer say "I've got black action." Which she does. He gets dealt a 5. Dealer 4. He picks it up, tosses her a 5 dollar bill and we go to the Mirage. Leaving the Mirage, he stops by the blackjack table. Gets an explanation on how its played and drops the black Bellagio chip down. After getting IDed only on the condition the dealer would say "I've got black action," he hits a 20 and the dealer busts. Word. Walking back into the Bellagio, he makes a stop at casino war. Stubbornly, the dealer refuses to say "I've got black action," and when 2kf wins by hitting a K to her 3, he throws her one dollar and says "it would have been more if you had said 'I've got black action.'" On to the poker room. He sits at the 200 NL limit table and pulls his usual "Next hand I'm going all-in no matter what." He gets AK and beats some idiot who talked [censored] and called with T9s. He picks up all 390 dollars worth of chips and starts walking around. He sits back down later and the pit boss explains that he has to buy in for all 400 dollars, to which 2kf does not care. "Next hand I am going all in." A guy with 350 calls. 2kf: AJ with the Jack of spades. Other guy: AK, both red. Final board: four spades. Yoink, and we go to bed.

[Ed Miller]

Coming back from dinner, the highlight of the trip happened. After repeatedly putting up with the pointless bellagio security checkpoint, I utter "I wish we had tied 2kf up and put him in the trunk." Next thing I hear is the back door slam, and see him climb into the trunk and close it. Needless to say, the security guard about [censored] his pants. we recieved a good kindergarten scowling and were told "you won't think its funny when you turn around and leave." so we proceeded to park and go into the casino.

Hahahaha! I wanted to do this for so long. Duct tape someone up, ball gag in mouth, and put him in the trunk. Then when they open the trunk, he jumps out and runs off. That's FANTASTIC... [img]/images/graemlins/smile.gif[/img]

[Screwtape]

I am glad I am continually reffered to as the other friend but seeing as how no one knows me I guess that is appropriate. I wish I could fill in some more of the details, but 2FK and I were head to head in terms of who was the drunkest throughout the trip, however I think there was an Amber, a hot tub, 2FK naked, and I do believe the note said something along the lines of... Will you go out with me? with two boxes titled yes and no.

[jayadd]

nice trip report.....
how did you get the upgrade.....

the trunk story brings back a funny story of mine.
Coming back from a game at fordham University my friend piss drunk jumped out of the back seat of my car when i stopped at a red light and ran to this statue of the virgin Mary. He starts humping it and yelling out "IM THE KING OF SPADES" well he got back in to the back seat but of a cop car not mine cause right behind me at the light was the good old NYPD.