People who refuse to help themselves

[hobbes9324]

If money is the only way you keep score, good for you...and I'm not being a wise ass.

Some people don't see it that way - I could have gotten into any residency I wanted, pretty much. Optho or Derm or Plastics - easily double (or more) what I make - but I like my job. I live in a beautiful home, have a wonderful wife, and plenty of time to do things I want to do. I still fly coach most places, but seem to survive somehow.....

Might be worth mentioning that in my 20+ years of practicing Emergency Medicine, I've probably seen a couple of hundred people die in front of me. None of them chose as their last words "I wish I'd spent more time working...."

MM MD

[Anacardo]

[ QUOTE ]
I will give you the short version. I can't spend more time.

I think the most important thing you can do to feed your mental energy with healthy nutrition is to try as hard as possible to find people that add "value" to your life. People that help you achieve what you want to achieve because you are helping them achieve what they want to achieve in return. You must also dig deep within yourself and ask if you are adding "value" to other people's life. Are you helping them achieve what they want to achieve? Are they helping YOU achieve what you want to achieve?

If they are sapping your mental energy, if they are wasting your time, if they are slowing you down, if they are in any way decreasing value from your life, you must cut the line.

That said. Most people will come to realize that many of the people they spend most of their time with don't add any long lasting value in their lives whatsoever. Some friends don't help you push your life forward, in fact, most of them try to pull you back. I have lost contact with many friends of mine because after a while, I realized talking with them only sapped my mental energy. They were conditioned to find "flaws" in my new business ideas, my new ways of implementing a new business concept or system.

I do not regret losing many of these friends or associates because I have found others that are constantly pushing my life forward.


If you were a 1000 NL player, how much can you learn by hanging around 100 NL players?

How much can you learn by hanging around 10 000 NL players?

Why aren't you trying to add those people to your network so that they can help you achieve your goals and push you forward?

Don't be agitated about seeing so many people in your life that subtract value and waste your time. It is a numbers game, some people will, some people won't, so what? Whack the people that waste your time and mental energy, and actively seek the people that will push you to limits you have never gone before.

[/ QUOTE ]

Something about this post bothers me a great deal, morally. I'm not sure I can quite explain what it is.

I approve thoroughly of defying convention and finding creative solutions to problems. I think that, with very few exceptions, you should surround yourself with a) people that make you feel better or b) people that inspire you to be better, ideally both, and that probably concurs with your sentiments.

On the other hand, I have numerous objections. For one thing, what do you define as 'achievement?' What you write sounds like an uncomplicated approval of the modern cult of power, money, wealth, fame, success, etc. for their own sakes, and I can't help but eye that critically. There's more to life than self-interest, even enlightened, reciprocal self-interest. What do you define as 'holding you back?' If your sick mother is a real drag on your lifestyle, do you 'cut the line' with her? Should we dump all our 100 NL friends as a matter of course simply because they're not moving in the baller circles we want to be in? Very few personal relationships are cut-and-dried; a lot of people add value in some ways while taxing our resources in others.

And the idea of sucking up to our social superiors just to get a piece of their action, which is kinda how this reads, seems very cynical and self-degrading.

In addition, you sound like a man with a very low tolerance level for criticism. I'm certainly no different in that respect, but I wonder if this is entirely a good thing. Some "flaws," particularly in high-risk schemes, really are flaws. I've come to believe, arationally, that there's a certain intrinsic power to decisiveness / confidence / audacity, but, on the other hand, arrogance, hubris and shortsightedness are punished all the time.

Above all you need to define 'achievement' more precisely. Do you provide a place within your notion of success for things that can't be expressed in dollars or glory? What about spiritual achievement?

[xxThe_Lebowskixx]

Chaos,

Alot of people are lazy. Being knowledgable about a subject and taking part in it are two different things. Also, many people cannot stand risk.

[JaBlue]

anacardo, I don't think you need to have "achievement" mean anything in particular except "make it seem better for you" in Tien's post for his advice to ring true most of the time. He probably cut ties with his friends because he felt that they didn't add much for him in any way and just detracted from him business-wise. Of course when you feel your friends aren't improving your life (or are going to) in some way, you should cut ties with them. Yeah, there are exceptions that you can come up with.

As for the go-getter ass-kissing stuff, I guess there's no real way around it for people with Tien's kind of aspirations. Upward networking is just part of the game when you want to get better at something competitive. He's not necessarily saying to suck up to people you don't like just to learn from them, just to find some people doing stuff you want to do that are better than you at it. No big deal there imo. And I don't see why it is much different than, say, trying to be in a band where you are the worst musician. I guess what I think he's really saying is to try to get to know people that can positively effect your life.

Of course I could be giving Tien a very charitable reading and he's really a prick but I don't think you have to necessarily take what he's written that way.

Having a low tolerance for criticism is just plain stupid. As written, that means reacting negatively when others suggest that you may have certain deficiencies. Sure its easy to get angry if its not exactly constructive criticism, but imo information about one's own deficiencies - true or otherwise - is among the most valuable there is.

[Mingdu]

People are motivated by different things. Sales is all about finding their motivation and then making your story match their dreams.

Sales is going to be tough for you if you don't find peoples motivations first and then pitch your idea.

Your story is a good one, you want to help people do well according to your definitions of success ... but their money and attempts to get by have nothing to do with you and your perceptions.

It is explained better by Stephen Covey ... his 5th Habit, skip the rest of the book if you like although it is good. Anyways Habit 5 is Seek 1st to Understand, Then Seek to Understand (something like that). BEST piece on sales I have ever read and it has made me a lot of money

gl dude ... and if you see a sweet deal in Toronto give me a call. I'm no idiot [img]/images/graemlins/smile.gif[/img]

[ArturiusX]

[ QUOTE ]
If money is the only way you keep score, good for you...and I'm not being a wise ass.

Some people don't see it that way - I could have gotten into any residency I wanted, pretty much. Optho or Derm or Plastics - easily double (or more) what I make - but I like my job. I live in a beautiful home, have a wonderful wife, and plenty of time to do things I want to do. I still fly coach most places, but seem to survive somehow.....

Might be worth mentioning that in my 20+ years of practicing Emergency Medicine, I've probably seen a couple of hundred people die in front of me. None of them chose as their last words "I wish I'd spent more time working...."

MM MD

[/ QUOTE ]

Without doubt. Money is points, but that doesn't mean it equals the score.

I'm a big fan of the thinking 'work hard, play hard'. There's no doubt there's huge priorities in life that take over from business. But if I was on my death bed, and I didn't take some large (but manageble) risks and took on huge challenges, I may not say I didn't work enough, but maybe I didn't work hard enough.

[Soulman]

good posts hobbs and anacardo, I totally agree with your sentiments. It would be interesting to see tien's response...

[AnActualGirl]

[ QUOTE ]
If money is the only way you keep score, good for you...and I'm not being a wise ass.

Some people don't see it that way - I could have gotten into any residency I wanted, pretty much. Optho or Derm or Plastics - easily double (or more) what I make - but I like my job. I live in a beautiful home, have a wonderful wife, and plenty of time to do things I want to do. I still fly coach most places, but seem to survive somehow.....

Might be worth mentioning that in my 20+ years of practicing Emergency Medicine, I've probably seen a couple of hundred people die in front of me. None of them chose as their last words "I wish I'd spent more time working...."

MM MD

[/ QUOTE ]

I think you're missing some of what Chaos and others are getting at here. The point is not just to accumulate money for the sake of having more money, the point is to make smart choices with your money so that through your investments, your money works for you rather than vice versa - the point is to be able to work LESS. Regardless of whether or not you're at a job you love or a job you hate, if you couldn't stop working tomorrow if you wanted to, you're working for your money. The ultimate goal here isn't really the money itself, it's the freedom that it creates. Then when you're dying, you can say that you did everything you wanted to. It's hard to understand why anyone wouldn't want that.

[cianosheehan]

I agree with Hobbes. If you let your financial gain dictate every element of your life, as Tien seemed to be saying, then no matter how much you earn you are never going to be happy.

Some friends may be jealous of your success, or your drive for success. They may even secretly want to hold you back. But that doesn't mean you should ditch them. There must be other qualities about them that you do like, which is why you're friends with them in the first place. Of course if the bad overrides the good, then its an obvious decision.

Many people hold the belief that money = happiness. It is a fairly sick outcome of life, that people have been brainwashed into this frame of thinking. The pursuit of material gain never ends...if this is how you measure your happiness, or joy in life, you will never find happiness or joy. No matter how much you make, it may temporarily fill the void, but soon you will realise that the void reappears, because your route to fulfillment is fundamentally flawed.

In saying this, I am all for challenging oneself and pushing yourself outside your comfort zone. Refusing to take on new things, as has already been said, is usually based on fear of the unknown. Allowing fear to dominate your life is very -EV

[turnipmonster]

although I understand the money as points thing, I think sometimes you can lose sight of the fact that not everyone cares about making a lot of money or being rich. for many people, making enough to get by and focusing on the things they love (writing, art, music, whatever) is a far more worthwhile past time than trying to get rich.