Can relationship trust be regained?

[jmremote]

end it, you will regret not doing it now when it eventually ends. Sucks man but its not your fault

[eastcoaster]

She is just trying to let you down easy by telling you she “has feelings” for him and “only kissed,” him. This is the classic chick bluff. Trust me, she banged him. Sorry. Chicks will always lie about it when they cheat (unless caught in the act) because otherwise they are basically admitting, out loud, that they are an untrustworthy [censored]. They try to protect their reputation at all costs. It sucks, I know, but the sooner you warm to this reality the sooner you will be better off and on your way towards happiness. Break it off with her now and maintain at least some of your pride. She is obviously a confused individual if she is engaged to you and still, at least, making herself emotionally available to other men. Also, there is nothing you could have done to prevent her from doing this. She took advantage of your trust in her. It didn’t mean shyt to her that you trusted her.

Look at it this way, at least you didn’t marry and have kids with her. I know that is a small consolation now, but trust me…in a few years when you are over this you will be so glad. I was in a similar situation as you a few years ago. I will never forget this one piece of advice given to me from a guy who has been married for 20+ years. “They say life is short when you’re having fun, right? Well not if you’re with the wrong woman….because then it will feel like a long, miserable life.”

[schwza]

stay with her just long enough to cheat on her.

[Signal777]

Agree that you are lucky you found out now. If she does this at this stage of the game, imagine once she has "grown used" to the marriage? People are creatures of habit, too, so chances are it will happen again.

I got into a bad marriage, but had no warning signs up front (at least that I recognized). About 6 months in, I realized it, but stayed to give it "another chance". I actually lost the opportunity to leave due to the extra chance due financial reasons and no place to go, when I could have gotten out if I left at six months. I ended up regretting it to this day. Vacate.

[El Diablo]

m,

IMO, no. At least, not to where you thought it was before the breaking of trust. But I've been told I'm too quick to drop friends/relationships over relatively small stuff. I'm pretty black and white regarding those types of things.

[RoundGuy]

Sorry man, but I gotta go with flow here. She developes feelings for another man while she's engaged to you? Ouch.

This happened several times with my mom. It was a recurring thing. My parents finally divorced after 40 years. It was extremely painful. I haven't seen my mom in nearly 3 years.

If she did it once, she'll do it again. Save yourself the pain and anguish (and the pain for any future children) and end it now.

Sorry dude.

[anklebreaker]

op, 99% no.


[ QUOTE ]
Relationships are not about love, they are about possessing someone.

[/ QUOTE ]
wtf

[Quester]

[ QUOTE ]
m,

IMO, no. At least, not to where you thought it was before the breaking of trust. But I've been told I'm too quick to drop friends/relationships over relatively small stuff. I'm pretty black and white regarding those types of things.

[/ QUOTE ]

El D,

I wouldn't lump kissing/developing feelings for someone else in with "small stuff." So your feelings are spot on I believe.

To the OP, I hate to say it, but you need to fold this. I'm engaged myself, and my fiancee went behind my back and set up a lunch meeting with her ex. I could sniff it a mile away. We worked it out because she realized how stupid it was and came clean with me before anything went on. But it wasn't easy.

Also, snooping around because you are suspicious isn't a trust issue. If you were calling her 24/7, that's a different story. I hope you didn't apologize or otherwise budge an inch on that issue. She has no right to accuse you of violating her trust.

You need to perform a serious evaluation of your relationship. If you are a rational person, I'm afraid you'll see what we all see. Sorry, but kissing/developing feelings represents a clear indication of deeper problems within your relationship.

[BEP]

to the original poster,

eerily similar situation happened to me, although I wasn't engaged. her allowing feelings to develop over time with another guy while claiming to love you is a serious problem as others have noted.

in my case i took her back, relationship lasted another 3 months and i regret that i wasted so much of my time and effort trying to fix it.

i think that some people who cheat may eventually change that behavior, but they won't change by staying in the same relationship that they disrespected. the best thing for both of you would be to end it.

[OneSweetWorld]

Kick her ass to the curb, she does it once she will do it again.