jokes you've made IRL that flopped

[grando]

[ QUOTE ]
was on a date with some chick I didn't know very well and I hadn't gauged her sense of humour yet. we are walking to a restaurant, and we pass by a field and all there is in the field is one of those construction signs advertising the future construction of the Etheopian Community Centre.

her "that looks like it'll be really nice when its done"
me, pointing to the empty field "you mean its not done already?"

nothing.

[/ QUOTE ]

hahah

[AquaSwing]

[ QUOTE ]
just made one in my IM football game about 30 minutes ago.

[/ QUOTE ]

My first thought was, "How the [censored] do you play football over Instant Messenger?"

[ardubz]

[ QUOTE ]
just made one in my IM football game about 30 minutes ago. I catch a short pass and run for a few yards, the guy that pulls my flags gets a handful of my shorts too and yanks them a bit down (not far enough to see anything). after the play he walks by me and this ensues:

him - "sorry man I didn't mean to do that, but sometimes in this game you just acciddentally get a handful of a guys pants"
me - "no worries, why do you think I'm out here?

*silence*

[/ QUOTE ]
lolllll this is gold

[Phresh]

[ QUOTE ]
Jim: KILL ME NOW!

[/ QUOTE ]

I died at this response. I also thought the Stone Cold line was incredibly hilarious. The flag football one was very good as well.

Here's another joke that bombed very hard in middle school. Every month or so, we'd have this big assembly thing on the last Friday, where we'd do some random non-school type stuff that culminated with an assembly.

On this particular day, the assembly was on wearing helmets and being cautious while engaging in activities that could potentially kill or seriously injure you. The person giving the lecture was this paralyzed guy in a wheel chair.

Half of the school, about 350 students were in attendance. The wheel chair guy goes on about his injury and explains that he got into a motorcycle wreck without a helmet and broke his spine, etc. He talked about how lucky he was to not have permanent brain damage.

He then asks, "Can you tell me something you do that you need your brain for?" Some kid raises his hand and says something like, "To study" and another student says something equally boring. I whisper to my friend, he raises his hand and says, "To ride motorcycles!"

We were really the only ones laughing, but we quickly STFU when we realized how [censored] it was. He then had my friend come up on the stage and do a demonstration that was supposed to symbolize brain damage. He had my pal drop a tomato on the ground and examine it. "See, that's your brain, how's it look now?"

My friend obviously dusts the thing off and announces that it looks perfect. We were such fckers.

[BDaws]

Sophomore year of college. At UVA, there's a class "Race in the US" taught by Julian Bond, who is chairman of the NAACP. It's a pretty well known and highly recommended class.

My friend thought it would be hilarious to wear all of his NASCAR gear the first day of class. After about 2-3 minutes of the lecture when it became apparent what the class was about, he stood up and said, "You mean to tell me this class ain't about NASCAR?!?" and walked out.

I wasn't there, but I guess no one was amused.

[Kimbell175113]

[ QUOTE ]
Sophomore year of college. At UVA, there's a class "Race in the US" taught by Julian Bond, who is chairman of the NAACP. It's a pretty well known and highly recommended class.

[/ QUOTE ]
I knew it was gonna be good just from this.

[silver book]

[ QUOTE ]
Sophomore year of college. At UVA, there's a class "Race in the US" taught by Julian Bond, who is chairman of the NAACP. It's a pretty well known and highly recommended class.

My friend thought it would be hilarious to wear all of his NASCAR gear the first day of class. After about 2-3 minutes of the lecture when it became apparent what the class was about, he stood up and said, "You mean to tell me this class ain't about NASCAR?!?" and walked out.

I wasn't there, but I guess no one was amused.

[/ QUOTE ]

that real fkn funny

[Tinga]

[ QUOTE ]
Sophomore year of college. At UVA, there's a class "Race in the US" taught by Julian Bond, who is chairman of the NAACP. It's a pretty well known and highly recommended class.

My friend thought it would be hilarious to wear all of his NASCAR gear the first day of class. After about 2-3 minutes of the lecture when it became apparent what the class was about, he stood up and said, "You mean to tell me this class ain't about NASCAR?!?" and walked out.

I wasn't there, but I guess no one was amused.

[/ QUOTE ]

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so awesome

[frostbrn]

A new player on my hockey team and I are chatting about basic stuff

Me: So what do you do?
Him: I'm in risk management at a large tech company
Me: ahh, so why don't you read the book and teach ME about risk management!
Him: Huh?
Me: You obv don't appreciate the mentor/protege relationship
Him: Sorry I must be missing something
Me: Nevermind

[AbreuTime]

[ QUOTE ]
A new player on my hockey team and I are chatting about basic stuff

Me: So what do you do?
Him: I'm in risk management at a large tech company
Me: ahh, so why don't you read the book and teach ME about risk management!
Him: Huh?
Me: You obv don't appreciate the mentor/protege relationship
Him: Sorry I must be missing something
Me: Nevermind

[/ QUOTE ]
I can't believe this flopped!!!