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  #11  
Old 08-25-2007, 12:34 AM
pokerbobo pokerbobo is offline
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Location: Takin a log to the beaver
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Default Re: Engaged for July - suddenly not ready.

[ QUOTE ]
[ QUOTE ]
Based on your post, I would advise to break it off or at least slow it down. Imagine yourself with her in 10 years... imagine yourself with her if she gets fat, imagine if lots of things. If you still are dedicated, go for it.... but sounds like you already want to stray.

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How do I slow it down? I tell her I'm just not ready now? I need more time to consider? I figure that's going to set off some bells with her...

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See... even the ladies agree with me. Pokerbobo knows, Pokerbobo is wise. Slow it down means your wedding is 11 months from now. tell her you love her, but are having some issues you need to work out. Ask her not to pick out a hall, or invitations or dress yet, and to give you some time.

She may get upset, may freak out, may be rational and actually ask what the hangup is or how long you think you will need. Be honest as you can... I do not recommend comparing her to the work chick, or even letting her know about that. (nothing has happened, really its just a crush)

Have your talk, and tell her you are willing to set a date of decision if she wants you to, but if she does, and you are still unsure in any way, you will error on the side of caution and not commit.
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  #12  
Old 08-25-2007, 12:36 AM
pergesu pergesu is offline
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Default Re: Engaged for July - suddenly not ready.

"Baby, everyone gets married in July. I want to have our wedding in December so we can melt the frozen earth with our fiery passion."

foolproof.
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  #13  
Old 08-25-2007, 12:39 AM
ElliotR ElliotR is offline
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Default Re: Engaged for July - suddenly not ready.

[ QUOTE ]
Pokerbobo knows, Pokerbobo is wise.

[/ QUOTE ]
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  #14  
Old 08-25-2007, 12:41 AM
Banks2334 Banks2334 is offline
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Default Re: Engaged for July - suddenly not ready.

You're not ready, simple as that.
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  #15  
Old 08-25-2007, 12:44 AM
jbrent33 jbrent33 is offline
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Default Re: Engaged for July - suddenly not ready.

I'm 32, been divorced 2 years, was married 3. My situation similar to yours, and I offer you one piece of advice:

Do you know why divorces are expensive?













They are worth it.
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  #16  
Old 08-25-2007, 12:51 AM
Ken_AA Ken_AA is offline
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Join Date: Jun 2005
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Default Re: Engaged for July - suddenly not ready.

[ QUOTE ]
Dude, everyone has this problem.

Fact: there are more than one person you can be attracted to - that's [censored] life. The hard part is to choose if you want peace and stay with one woman or excitement and fool around.

[/ QUOTE ]

I vote this. Just read THIS

Dude the new chick is always gonna be appealing, until you find out shes bat [censored] crazy also.

FWIW I'm also 26, just had my two year anniversary and my life is way better now then it was pre marriage.

But if you do hit it with the new chick do THIS

Whatever you do good luck.

Ken
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  #17  
Old 08-25-2007, 01:20 AM
NT! NT! is offline
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Default Re: Engaged for July - suddenly not ready.

Your situation is not unusual at all. Everyone feels this way.

I agree with bobo. Be frank. Tell her you are confused and need to work things out. Tell her you don't want to break up and there is nobody else in the picture. Tell her that probably ten or twenty times because she won't believe it. And there isn't anybody else in the picture, there is some chick at work that you kinda like. Once you have been in a relationship for a long time you realize how much work and sacrifice and day-to-day personality stuff affects the way it goes. There are hundreds of women out there that you could date for six months and have a romance with. There are very few that you can be with for years and still have that same thing.

I have been with my girlfriend for almost five years, living together for four of those, and I used to think all the time about other chicks that I was compatible with, or interested in. At this point I can't imagine finding a woman who is actually happy to live with me day in and day out, who always wants me around, and who makes my day better even when I'm [censored] sick of her and she's sick of me.

When you're together for a long time you have some bad times. It doesn't sound very romantic, but I think the bad times tell you whether it's something that can last a lifetime or not. I'm trying to describe the process and I just can't, but I think most anyone who is in a 5+ year (happy) relationship kinda gets it.
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  #18  
Old 08-25-2007, 01:36 AM
pokerbobo pokerbobo is offline
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Default Re: Engaged for July - suddenly not ready.

[ QUOTE ]
Your situation is not unusual at all. Everyone feels this way.

I agree with bobo. Be frank. Tell her you are confused and need to work things out. Tell her you don't want to break up and there is nobody else in the picture. Tell her that probably ten or twenty times because she won't believe it. And there isn't anybody else in the picture, there is some chick at work that you kinda like. Once you have been in a relationship for a long time you realize how much work and sacrifice and day-to-day personality stuff affects the way it goes. There are hundreds of women out there that you could date for six months and have a romance with. There are very few that you can be with for years and still have that same thing.

I have been with my girlfriend for almost five years, living together for four of those, and I used to think all the time about other chicks that I was compatible with, or interested in. At this point I can't imagine finding a woman who is actually happy to live with me day in and day out, who always wants me around, and who makes my day better even when I'm [censored] sick of her and she's sick of me.

When you're together for a long time you have some bad times. It doesn't sound very romantic, but I think the bad times tell you whether it's something that can last a lifetime or not. I'm trying to describe the process and I just can't, but I think most anyone who is in a 5+ year (happy) relationship kinda gets it.

[/ QUOTE ]

Seems many are agreeing with me, yet the OP still has doubts about my advice. NT can I get a special * for my great insight into relationships. Maybe we should start a "dear pokerbobo" column for the confused and committed 2+2ers out there.

Dear Abbey kiss my A**
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  #19  
Old 08-25-2007, 02:25 AM
spentrent spentrent is offline
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Default Re: Engaged for July - suddenly not ready.

You will always run into this "problem" married or not as your existence comes at the pinnacle of zillions of years of evolutionary genetic fine-tuning that results in this exact feeling when any slightly attractive female of your species says hi back to you.
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  #20  
Old 08-25-2007, 02:28 AM
monkeyfightclub monkeyfightclub is offline
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Join Date: Mar 2004
Location: Whore Island
Posts: 184
Default Re: Engaged for July - suddenly not ready.

[ QUOTE ]
Your situation is not unusual at all. Everyone feels this way.

I agree with bobo. Be frank. Tell her you are confused and need to work things out. Tell her you don't want to break up and there is nobody else in the picture. Tell her that probably ten or twenty times because she won't believe it. And there isn't anybody else in the picture, there is some chick at work that you kinda like. Once you have been in a relationship for a long time you realize how much work and sacrifice and day-to-day personality stuff affects the way it goes. There are hundreds of women out there that you could date for six months and have a romance with. There are very few that you can be with for years and still have that same thing.

I have been with my girlfriend for almost five years, living together for four of those, and I used to think all the time about other chicks that I was compatible with, or interested in. At this point I can't imagine finding a woman who is actually happy to live with me day in and day out, who always wants me around, and who makes my day better even when I'm [censored] sick of her and she's sick of me.

When you're together for a long time you have some bad times. It doesn't sound very romantic, but I think the bad times tell you whether it's something that can last a lifetime or not. I'm trying to describe the process and I just can't, but I think most anyone who is in a 5+ year (happy) relationship kinda gets it.

[/ QUOTE ]

Has the topic of marriage come up? 5 years is a long time.
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