My life is over.

depguy · #1 10-30-2006, 12:47 AM

It suddenly hit me. My life is over!
I'm a coward too. I have been posting in these forums for years and I have to create a new account to tell my story.

I'm 52 years old and I have played poker for the past 10 years. I'm not the best player in the world, not the worst either and a small bankroll has allowed me to make a nice income year after year.
I was married once. That was before I played poker and had a boring life. Then we each went our way and life sucked for a while.
After that poker begun and after a few months I had a nice life again. Lots of free time, no commitments (no children) and money enough.

Then a year ago I met this woman, fell in love and she moved in. It was nice to begin with and I didn't play that much poker. We travelled a lot, enjoyed life, had no worries. Needless to say all expenses were on me. That hit the BR badly. After that, she quit her lousy job and just hang around at home. It was nice for a month or two, but it was difficult to concentrate while playing. She kept disturbing, talking to me, playing loud music, turning the television on and as we live in a small condo it was impossible to have some peace of mind. Of course I begun losing. I had my first losing month ever and had to step down in limits. Next month same story.

Now I get worried. My BR is not what it has been, I have to play much more as I stepped down in limits again and I start worrying about money. For the first time in years I begin not paying my bills in time, I have to sell my car as I cannot afford it anymore and my stress level is way up there.
You would think I would have had a long conversation with this woman; explained to her how important it is that I have tranquility while I play, also because it is our only income, and you would have been right. I had not one, but 20 talks with her and she keeps interrupting my play. Now she just says "oops, sorry, I forgot" clearly showing she doesn't take me seriously.

I'm also a wimp. I know she is destroying me, every little thing she does while I play now bothers me; not because it should, but because I keep thinking she doesn't respect my work and that alone keeps my mind busy, far away from the important decisions at the tables. And I keep losing. I know I should ask her to leave but I can't. Despite all this I love her.

This last month has been the worst ever. I have practically no BR anymore, have several unpaid bills and no joy at playing anymore. I have lost patience at the tables, keep hoping for that big pot that will make my day in 5 minutes and because of this, often imagine it is there, just to realize that once again, my buy in is gone. It doesn't even matter anymore, I now play so low limits that I don't even take poker seriously anymore.

Life stinks and on top of that I start realizing that I am not that young anymore, that I won't be able to do anything else for a living, that there are a million things I want to do, a million places I want to go to and I have no energy left for all that. Soon I will be too old to do anything but I allready feel that way. I am very, very depressed.

I know that most of you are having a great time playing poker, like I used to have, that life is sweet and that these kind of posts are not what you are looking for but I had this need to tell somebody, to get it out. Where I live, I have nobody to talk about these things, they will just say that it is my own fault for waisting my life playing poker and bla bla bla....

I know I can rebuild a BR. I have done it hundreds of times in my life. I just don't feel like it anymore.

Thank you for listening [img]/images/graemlins/frown.gif[/img]

TheWorstPlayer · #2 10-30-2006, 12:52 AM

Hey, man, that sounds pretty brutal. I honestly don't think I can help, but I read your story and I have sympathy for you. Best of luck in the future.

QTip · #3 10-30-2006, 12:56 AM

Saw this in the other forum, then it disappeared. Better over here I'm sure.

Anyway...man...sorry to hear all this.

I've not really been exactly here; however, I've been in the transition of playing full time to another stage in life and financial stress to go along with it.

I'm not very good at pep talks, but all I can say is that probably in a couple years, it will just be another experience that you got through.

Solve one small problem at a time one day at a time. Get yourself some job (doens't have to be just right) just ease the financial stress so you can think more clearly. Then, take it from there.

Thoughts that you can't do anything else for a living are just the sorrow talking. The job application process doesn't make this any more fun either.

Keep your chin up and take it a day at a time. Focus on the good things you have going. There are certainly millions of people that would switch life circumstances with you at the drop of a hat.

Hang in there.

F0rtysxity · #4 10-30-2006, 01:13 AM

damn... this made me fire up [censored] and download time by pink floyd. forgot about this song. we've all been there before dep, to a varying degree (ie this sounds a bit worse). I can relate and I know you'll find a way through it. (Not like you have a choice eh [img]/images/graemlins/smile.gif[/img] ... )

Sounds like the girl and poker aren't compatible. Either find something new or the gal has gotz ta go. [img]/images/graemlins/frown.gif[/img]

A_C_Slater · #5 10-30-2006, 01:16 AM

Poker has been your only source of income for the last ten years and 3 losing months have crippled you? What limits were you playing and what are you playing now? What type of game do you play? Do you multitable? What casino did you play at before the internet boom?

This thread would receive more views in BBV and is better suited for there.

pipedreamz · #6 10-30-2006, 01:47 AM

ditch the bitch, regroup.

the knob · #7 10-30-2006, 02:32 AM

It sounds to me like she thinks she's found a sugar daddy and expects you to support her. If she really loved you, she would take a job (and sounds like you may need to as well) to help the two of you through this rough stretch. If not, you need to show her the door.

Rijeka · #8 10-30-2006, 03:18 AM

[ QUOTE ]
ditch the bitch, regroup.

[/ QUOTE ]

AlienBoy · #9 10-30-2006, 03:37 AM

Get this:

http://www.soundprooffoam.com/quiet-barrier.html

And put this on the door to your study, where you play:

http://consumer.schlage.com/products...p?CategoryID=2

Sound-proof the room, and lock the door.

Problem solved.

AB

entertainme · #10 10-30-2006, 11:46 AM

Your life is only over at 52 if you decide to give up.

So, what's it going to be? Lay down and wait to die - or solve these issues step by step and get back on track to living your dreams?

It's not unusual to make bad decisions when it comes to love and companionship. Don't beat yourself up. But, it is time to grow up.

You showed her the good life and she latched on. More than likely she's a pest because she's bored, and you resent her because of the pressure you're under now to support both of you.

If you're not interested in playing poker, you need to sit down with her and explain you both need to get jobs. You may find out that it's not you that she loves, but you're better off knowing, even if it means the end of the relationship.

It would be a shame to give up on life at 52. Every positive step you take will be another step out of depression. Start today. You have a lot of life to look forward to.