jokes you've made IRL that flopped

[Xaston]

11th grade health class.

The teacher is blabbing about unprotected sex. This is purely a lecture and not like a question and answer thing.

He says, obviously rhetorically, "And then what do you do when your girlfriend gets pregnant because you had unprotected sex."

I thought it would be really funny, at the time, to respond loudly with "kick her in the stomach," so I responded with that.

The class was completely silent. Then the teacher yelled at me. Then the teacher made me apologize.

[anklebreaker]

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My wife is generally a terrible joke teller. She decides to try at her cousin's wedding rehearsal dinner.

Idiot calls 911 saying his best friend was accidentally shot. 911 operator asks "Is he dead?" Idiot says hold on. While waiting, the operator hears a gunshot. Idiot comes back and says "He is now."

She got nothing but glares from most everybody. Her cousin just said "That's not funny" with a horrified look on her face. It was outstanding. I laughed at the attempt since she actually nailed the timing and pseudo drama, which is a rare feat for her.

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That joke (when told correctly) is supposedly the world's funniest joke.
Goes a lil something like this:

A couple of New Jersey hunters are out in the woods when one of them falls to the ground. He doesn't seem to be breathing, his eyes are rolled back in his head. The other guy whips out his cell phone and calls the emergency services. He gasps to the operator: "My friend is dead! What can I do?" The operator, in a calm soothing voice says: "Just take it easy. I can help. First, let's make sure he's dead." There is a silence, then a shot is heard. The guy's voice comes back on the line. He says: "OK, now what?"

[El Diablo]

ej,

"OR ARE YOU????"

That's awesome.

I make a lot of jokes that some people either consider over the line (generally involves race or some other stereotype) or they are very subtle/obscure references that just go over people's heads. I assume they are all hilarious and just chalk it up to people being dumb.

[aladare]

i joke around all the time..and i sound like OP and i'm also very crude like Noah...so i can take it too far. I don't usually bomb much b/c it's so damn funny to me other people laugh. but yeah, laughing at me. One joke i definitely remember bombing, that i told years ago at college..Pepperdine is a christian school but mostly academic reputation..but many christians.

So i'm at school, snack area- a good 20-30 people around. At the time there was controversy about the abortion morning after pill in France being legalized in the US. So i bust out the christians answer to the morning after pill RU486, is RU469. no laughs. just stares.

[diddyeinstein]

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i then let out a too-loud mumble of "well i got a birth control method where men do all the work. its called pulling out." people just sat, mouths wide, like "wtf did he really just say that. I of course continue with "it's actually pretty effective, a lot more so than my previous method which involves a flight of stairs."


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The save attempt is even better than the original joke. Great work.

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Agreed. I think you should have said your old method involved a baseball bat to the stomach.

[Poofler]

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Once I was over at a good friend's place, his wife was an anthropology grad student and several of her grad student friends were over. There was a preview for the movie "Code Talkers" on and someone made a comment about what a great contribution the Navajo made, their unique language, blah blah blah. So I said "I don't know isn't it all pretty much just WWWHOOBOOBOOBOOBOOBOO" (like slapping my hand in front of my mouth making an Indian war cry). My one buddy (a sociopath FWIW) starts laughing hysterically, everyone else in the room is silent and looking at me like I'm the most ignorant POS they've ever seen.

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Just busted out laughing in a library at that. It's even funnier because you told it to a bunch of probably over-serious wannabe intellectual types.

Man, people are so lame. Half of these jokes are solid gold.

[nath]

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Also, I think classrooms are a bad place to judge whether or not a joke bombs. For instance, one of the best jokes I've ever heard would probably be considered a "bomb" based on response. A professor had missed the last class for unknown reasons and it turned out she had gone to the doctor and found out she was pregnant. The next class she put a picture of the ultrasound on the projector and my friend blurted out "That baby looks nothing like me." HI-larious, but very little laughter.

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That *is* funny, but if your professor had a sense of humor, she would have shot right back with a put-down or comeback of her own.

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yeah, something like "It's definitely yours, your dicks are the same size" would have been off the charts.

[CrazyEyez]

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Once I was over at a good friend's place, his wife was an anthropology grad student and several of her grad student friends were over. There was a preview for the movie "Code Talkers" on and someone made a comment about what a great contribution the Navajo made, their unique language, blah blah blah. So I said "I don't know isn't it all pretty much just WWWHOOBOOBOOBOOBOOBOO" (like slapping my hand in front of my mouth making an Indian war cry). My one buddy (a sociopath FWIW) starts laughing hysterically, everyone else in the room is silent and looking at me like I'm the most ignorant POS they've ever seen.

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This is awesome.

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I'm laughing.

[ZOMG_RIGGED!]

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Once I was over at a good friend's place, his wife was an anthropology grad student and several of her grad student friends were over. There was a preview for the movie "Code Talkers" on and someone made a comment about what a great contribution the Navajo made, their unique language, blah blah blah. So I said "I don't know isn't it all pretty much just WWWHOOBOOBOOBOOBOOBOO" (like slapping my hand in front of my mouth making an Indian war cry). My one buddy (a sociopath FWIW) starts laughing hysterically, everyone else in the room is silent and looking at me like I'm the most ignorant POS they've ever seen.

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this had me rolling at work. One of those times were you're laughing so hard but have to try and hold it in because you dont wna tpeople at work to know you're screwing around. You win the interweb today

[Duke]

A comic needs to know his audience. Almost all of these jokes were fine and bombed because the audiences were filled with morons.