Massive self destructive tendencies. Need advice

[chr1s82p]

perhaps you should try running as a sport before or after you play. it keeps me calm. always.

[Greeksquared]

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I suppose being an adult and accepting you need to practice self control is out of the question?

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If he wasn't able to accept that I doubt he would have made this post asking for help to begin with. This is psych, people are allowed to have problems here.

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Actually you are right I never have accepted the fact that I am in control and that it is me who is ultimately responsible for my own actions. I love to pass blame to something else, like bad luck or blame the fact that I was born this way and I am unchangeable. I say to my brother who lives with me and also plays poker that "you don't know how it feels to be me."

Another piece of the puzzle: My rage is much less severe when no one is in the house. I don't think I've damaged anything when alone. This holds true in golf as well. When I play by myself I generally stay fairly calm. My entire life I have had problems unmatched when it comes down to losing.

I actually think I know the right steps to get myself under control I just refuse to sit down and make a plan because of laziness.

I just really hate to think I no longer can do anything competitive because I erupt, but thats what its looking like. I really will try and not play poker until I come up with some semblance of a plan.


Thanks for all the advice.

[Henry17]

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Another piece of the puzzle: My rage is much less severe when no one is in the house. I don't think I've damaged anything when alone.

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I would have expected the opposite. I don't believe in losing control. As far as I'm concerned it is a weakness. People are usually better able to control themselves in the presence of others. I can count the number of times that I've been upset in the last ten years on one hand but even those times I waited till I was alone before I let show.

[timmay28]

A simple bit of advice that helped me fwiw - don't root for cards to come. It'll just make you more emotional.

[pshady]

"In addition to this I have ripped numerous shirts in half"
... hulk style rip?

and is this really self destructive? or you just destroying objects near you... I think you should just invest in things to break that arent your computer... like a punching bag

[jono]

my first thought was that you shouldn't be online gambling period.

But that probably isn't doable so you need to drop down stakes immediately. You can't handle the swings and taking a 2 outer for stack.

[icheckcallu]

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I'm no psychologist, so I apologize if I'm way off here.

It sounds to me like you have some sort of need to be in control of situations, and when things happen that you can't control you respond with rage against the physical things you can actually bend to your will.

Did you have super strict or overbearing parents or experience bullying when you were younger? Anything like that which could cause you to feel so powerless and have such a need to vent your frustrations physically and tangibly against your physical environment?

I don't know what to tell you honestly, except to say that your behavior is definitely not normal. Lots of people feel the rage and anger you are talking about - that's part of life and certainly part of poker for some - but being unable to control such destructive impulses strikes me as indicative of a serious emotional problem. Talking to a professional really could help you work out whatever is causing it and learn to deal w/ frustration better.

Good luck.

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this is so on point regarding my anger issues. My dad was just a big bully who controlled my every move. I remember one time he beat me up because I went home at 10pm on a friday night and I was 16 years old. He also had some control issue like forcing you to do stuff. I felt like a maid when I was living at my parents home. Im now having probably a mild-to sever depression because of this. I dont know how to deal with it. I have aches and pains which is a tell tale sign of drepression and I can become bipolar in a snap.

any good suggestion on how I can let this memories forgiven? My dad and I get along fine now but then again I dont live with them anymore.

[Henry17]

The first step would be to not blame others for you inability to have self-control.

[bustowithnobra]

[ QUOTE ]
I'm no psychologist, so I apologize if I'm way off here.

It sounds to me like you have some sort of need to be in control of situations, and when things happen that you can't control you respond with rage against the physical things you can actually bend to your will.

Did you have super strict or overbearing parents or experience bullying when you were younger? Anything like that which could cause you to feel so powerless and have such a need to vent your frustrations physically and tangibly against your physical environment?

I don't know what to tell you honestly, except to say that your behavior is definitely not normal. Lots of people feel the rage and anger you are talking about - that's part of life and certainly part of poker for some - but being unable to control such destructive impulses strikes me as indicative of a serious emotional problem. Talking to a professional really could help you work out whatever is causing it and learn to deal w/ frustration better.

Good luck.

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Normally I hate this type of analysis, but here, good job. I am similar, except instead of being influenced by childhood factors, I am influenced by my last 4 years of college of everyone always having to be right on every damn point all the time. Except I don't get upset when I'm sucked out on really, I get upset when I feel like I made the wrong play and get sucked out on, even if I put my money in way ahead. This stems from my feeling that I should never show any weakness, ever, from my college days of needing to argue with pretentious, "upstanding" individuals all day, and only losing control when it is me that fails to prove a point (even if Im right, its being unable to demonstrate my side that puts me in a combatative state).

TO analogize it a little better, when someone sucks out, a lot of people tilt b/c of that- similar to how when people are trying to prove a point and someone is being bullheaded and doesn't listen, i.e. in both situations people are being influenced by factors out of their control. However in my case, when someone sucks out, or someone just isn't listening, it doesn't usually upset or anger me (unless its really really bad), unless in some way I see it as my own fault for the situation occuring. This is good usually for tilt control, until I question or doubt myself, wherein then when they suck out I will feel I did something wrong.

[Rek]

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[ QUOTE ]
I suppose being an adult and accepting you need to practice self control is out of the question?

[/ QUOTE ]

If he wasn't able to accept that I doubt he would have made this post asking for help to begin with. This is psych, people are allowed to have problems here.

[/ QUOTE ]

Actually you are right I never have accepted the fact that I am in control and that it is me who is ultimately responsible for my own actions. I love to pass blame to something else, like bad luck or blame the fact that I was born this way and I am unchangeable. I say to my brother who lives with me and also plays poker that "you don't know how it feels to be me."

Another piece of the puzzle: My rage is much less severe when no one is in the house. I don't think I've damaged anything when alone. This holds true in golf as well. When I play by myself I generally stay fairly calm. My entire life I have had problems unmatched when it comes down to losing.

I actually think I know the right steps to get myself under control I just refuse to sit down and make a plan because of laziness.

I just really hate to think I no longer can do anything competitive because I erupt, but thats what its looking like. I really will try and not play poker until I come up with some semblance of a plan.


Thanks for all the advice.

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I'm impressed Greek - I thought you would reply negatively.

So many people are looking for reasons why they are like they are. Whatever the reason (dad beat me up, mum didn't love me, big sister dressed me in girls clothes, uncle did bad things to me, school bully stabed me with pencils......) you do not have to let it dictate the future.

Put the past where it belongs - don't let it affect how you react from today. You can't change what has gone, but you own the future.

Good luck - take control, only you can do it.