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#61
11-06-2007, 08:33 PM
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Re: New to OOT. Have custody of my nephews. LONG
[ QUOTE ]
[ QUOTE ] [ QUOTE ] The OP's wife is a horrible wife. [/ QUOTE ] This isn't a fair statement. [/ QUOTE ] Ok ya you're right. Sorry OP.. But if she was a GOOD wife, OP wouldn't have had to start this thread asking what to do. And I certainly consider nephews & nieces as "family", even if they are distant relations you've never really known before. Yes its gona be VERY difficult for OP to do whats best for the kids. But that is what good & loving people do in times of need, they take care of their family (and their spouse's family too). [ QUOTE ] If OP and his wife really can't provide a stable home for the boys, they need to go somewhere else. [/ QUOTE ] True.. but they have been doing a good job this last year, they can certainly continue (with the right attitude), and the kids NEED them, no matter how hard times get. Its the selfish wife that is causing problems.. if she would support her husband (and the kids) more during these difficult times everybody would be much better off. L8r.. BB [/ QUOTE ] The problem I have with your advice in this thread is that you're projecting your values and experiences on the OP. Your positions are too extreme and do not allow for the the variables that are involved in this situation. 
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#62
11-06-2007, 08:56 PM
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Re: New to OOT. Have custody of my nephews. LONG
[ QUOTE ]
My personal situation has nothing to do with this. Kids come first. Period. But FWIW, 43, married 22 years, same wife who is wonderful, 2 kids. [/ QUOTE ] Wow. This sounds like a wonderful environment for children. I bet there are millions of children in foster care that would benefit from your loving home. How many foster children have you taken in? Kids come first, after all.
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#64
11-06-2007, 09:24 PM
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Re: New to OOT. Have custody of my nephews. LONG
[ QUOTE ]
This sounds like a wonderful environment for children. I bet there are millions of children in foster care that would benefit from your loving home. How many foster children have you taken in? Kids come first, after all. [/ QUOTE ] Whats that supposed to imply, that if I don't take in foster kids then my positions are invalid? Nope, not gona play that game with you. OPs nephews don't belong in foster care, not when he's been taking care of them and is perfectly capable of continuing to do so. If my brother or sister needed me to raise their kids, I'd certainly do that before I sent them away to a horrible life, just like I know they'd do the same for my kids if something happened to my wife and I. As for all the other kids in foster care, its not my responsibility to raise them, can't fix all the problems in the world. But it is certainly my responsibility to take care of family members when nobody else can do so. L8r.. BB
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#65
11-06-2007, 11:46 PM
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Re: New to OOT. Have custody of my nephews. LONG
I think it's a good idea to give your wife a little she-time now and then. Maybe a trip to a day spa?
The debate over whether one should be more willing to throw their spouse or kids in front of a runaway locomotive is off-base, IMO. What you are both doing is very admirable, and it's great that you're sympathetic to the fact that she's having some trouble coping with the situation.
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#67
11-07-2007, 01:14 AM
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Re: New to OOT. Have custody of my nephews. LONG
[ QUOTE ]
[ QUOTE ] Dump the wife and take care of the kids by yourself if you have to. The life of a child is precious and more important than your marriage in this case. I really feel that way. [/ QUOTE ] I find it absolutely astounding that people are actually this stupid. My wife is the single, most important person in my life -- more important than my parents, siblings, and yes, even my own children. [ QUOTE ] 10+ years from now when the kids are grown and have a brigh future, you'll be glad you stuck it out. [/ QUOTE ] LOL. And be totally alone. How stupid is this? [/ QUOTE ] Roundguy... Wow, I do not even know where to start. Do I ignore the fact that you are probably the most pussy whipped man walking the planet? How can anything or anyone be more important to you than your kids? That is insane to me. On an even more serious note, I think we all need to see a pic of your wife so we can understand what makes this woman more important to you then your own children. I do not wish anything bad upon anyone but part of me almost wishes your wife cheats on you so you will have a reality check because your priorities seem to be messed up. I know this sounds harsh but it is not like you would leave her anyway even if she did cheat on you.
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#68
11-07-2007, 01:21 AM
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Re: New to OOT. Have custody of my nephews. LONG
tripsearching is taking a break. anybody else want to make retarded insults? go ahead -NT
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#69
11-07-2007, 01:38 AM
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Re: New to OOT. Have custody of my nephews. LONG
I think you're allowing yourself to get too stressed over this. I think your responsibility here is just to give the kids food, shelter, a stable home environment, and a minimal amount of supervision until their mother gets well enough to take them back. Teenage boys are going to get in trouble. Especially ones who have gone through what your nephews have. Just don't take it personally. It's not you're responsibility to make sure they are perfectly behaved. The 12 year old doesn't sound that bad, and the 17 year old is pretty much an adult in the sense that at this point, nothing you can say do will change the way acts or how his moral compass develops. If you stop caring about what these kids do, and just focus on the fact that their your blood, and you have a responsibility to look after them for a while, things will run a lot smoother.
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#70
11-07-2007, 09:56 AM
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Re: New to OOT. Have custody of my nephews. LONG
[ QUOTE ]
[ QUOTE ] My personal situation has nothing to do with this. Kids come first. Period. But FWIW, 43, married 22 years, same wife who is wonderful, 2 kids. [/ QUOTE ] Wow. This sounds like a wonderful environment for children. I bet there are millions of children in foster care that would benefit from your loving home. How many foster children have you taken in? Kids come first, after all. [/ QUOTE ] LOL, awesome. I think people really are losing sight of the fact that they aren't HIS kids. He has built a life (a LIFE, not "get another one if this wifey doesn't work out") with this lady whom I can only assume he deeply loves and is committed to, and suddenly he should be expected to destroy this in order to take care of a mess that someone else created? I'm not saying "send them to foster care" but I'm astounded at the people in this thread underestimating the lifelong significance of a spouse. No wonder divorce rates are so high, etc, etc. Also I found it interesting whoever mentioned that putting a spouse first conveys a lot of implicit values to children. Seriously, it's so easy and charitable to say "obv you take care of the kids" but jesus, don't presume to comprehend how difficult that situation would be.
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