jokes you've made IRL that flopped

[silver book]

[ QUOTE ]
One time I was watching a movie about the Hindenburg disaster and when the blimp blew up I yelled, "Boy! Thats gotta hurt!" and it killed.

When I went back to do it at the afternoon showing some jerk with a laser pointer made my one liner bomb.

[/ QUOTE ]

A+. Perfect timing

[longhair]

one of my friends stood up and told a joke that he didn't really understand at a big jewish family dinner with all his relatives when he was about 6 or 7 yrs old. picture a really skinny, kinda dorky looking kid with a jewfro and skewiff smirk.

a girl goes to the doctors office, "doctor! doctor! i've broken my vagina!"
"ok, ok, calm down. let me have a look at it." so he takes a look, "goodness, what happened here?"
"i had sex with an elephant."
"but an elephants penis is only this wide (*holds hands about 6 inches apart*) and your vagina is this wide (*holds hands about 12 inches apart*)."
"i know," she said "but he fingered me first."

stunned silence. later he was surely beaten.

[illeagle]

Here's a video of some quality joke bombing by Tron Van Nguyen.

[JMa]

[ QUOTE ]
one of my friends stood up and told a joke that he didn't really understand at a big jewish family dinner with all his relatives when he was about 6 or 7 yrs old. picture a really skinny, kinda dorky looking kid with a jewfro and skewiff smirk.

a girl goes to the doctors office, "doctor! doctor! i've broken my vagina!"
"ok, ok, calm down. let me have a look at it." so he takes a look, "goodness, what happened here?"
"i had sex with an elephant."
"but an elephants penis is only this wide (*holds hands about 6 inches apart*) and your vagina is this wide (*holds hands about 12 inches apart*)."
"i know," she said "but he fingered me first."

stunned silence. later he was surely beaten.

[/ QUOTE ]

lol wtf

[Elevens]

[ QUOTE ]
To be honest, I have no idea if this even fits but I will say it anyway. And for the record, It would be pretty funny if it flopped, because then I made a joke on 2+2 that flopped in a thread about jokes that flopped. Ok

Im pretty dorky, and pretty nice and during high school my teachers never really thought of me as a 'hooligan.' even though those were who I hung out with. When I was in european history we were doing a report about concentration camps in the library, and we had computers there. Without telling anyone I made a word file all in bold italics and caps NERVE GAS IS FOR KIDS I printed it out, and didn't tell anyone in my group about it. About 5 minutes later my teacher comes right over to our group (because it was pretty obv it was one of us) and she started yelling at us, but since I am nice I didn't get blamed. A friend of mine got in trouble and was dealt with only because he couldn't stop laughing at the paper the teacher was holding.

[/ QUOTE ]

Congratulations, I think you succeeded.

[westhoff]

[ QUOTE ]
one of my friends stood up and told a joke that he didn't really understand at a big jewish family dinner with all his relatives when he was about 6 or 7 yrs old. picture a really skinny, kinda dorky looking kid with a jewfro and skewiff smirk.

a girl goes to the doctors office, "doctor! doctor! i've broken my vagina!"
"ok, ok, calm down. let me have a look at it." so he takes a look, "goodness, what happened here?"
"i had sex with an elephant."
"but an elephants penis is only this wide (*holds hands about 6 inches apart*) and your vagina is this wide (*holds hands about 12 inches apart*)."
"i know," she said "but he fingered me first."

stunned silence. later he was surely beaten.

[/ QUOTE ]

I don't think anything will beat the mortal kombat one, but this is awesome!!! This is definitely my favorite thread in recent memory.

[AntonHeat]

these are getting better and better

[FlyWf]

Important context: When you don't go to a really good law school the gap in quality of job gotten after graduation is MASSIVE between, say, the top quartile and the rest. I don't go to a really good law school, so everyone freaks out about the job search.

Today in Legal Writing my professor was advising us that our memos she had graded all sucked but that she didn't think any of us would fail and that there were jobs out there for each of us. She paused so I turned to my friend and said:
"Yeah Rob, don't worry, the world needs plenty of bartenders."

I got called "mean" for saying that. WTF?

[private joker]

Dane Cook qualified for this thread last night during his appearance on Conan. OMG it was so awkward.

Dane: So you know how at every Halloween party there's that guy who's dressed as a penis?
Conan: No.
Dane: Oh come on, you know, the guy with the penis costume?
Conan: Uh... ok, sure.
Dane: Well here's what I decided to do! Next year I'm going to dress up as a giant vagina!
Conan: ...
Dane: And I'm gonna bump into him all night!
[audience mildly snickers]
Dane: And if there isn't a guy there dressed as a penis, well at least I'll have a couple dudes trying to talk to me all night!

[uncomfortable silence in the theater]

Dane: Oh come on, give me something!

[audience starts scattered, defeated applause]

Wow, poor Dane Cook. Is this on YouTube yet?

[eviljeff]

Dane Cook is in serious danger of getting a sweet haymaker thrown on him next Halloween