OT - Today, I am no longer a pro

[FlyWf]

I've done this myself, and it's [censored] liberating. The thing that makes being a professional so incredibly draining is the constant pressure to play and the feeling of wastefulness if you aren't playing. It hurt my enjoyment level of every single leisure activity I took part in.

With a regular job, once you clock out you can just come home and relax. That's an incredible feeling if you haven't done it in months. You can go to a movie and not think about the 30 SNGs you could've gotten in. The movie just costs $20, not $20+(3xhourly rate).

[Pudge714]

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It's inyaface that has the twins.

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ROFLCOPTER LOLLERSKATES ZOMG THAT IS SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO FUNNT

[Inyaface]

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It's inyaface that has the twins.

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ROFLCOPTER LOLLERSKATES ZOMG THAT IS SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO FUNNT

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I don't but Mr and Mrs inyaface do
Unfortunately I can't even get to the secks let alone teh babies.

[AMT]

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It's inyaface that has the twins.

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ROFLCOPTER LOLLERSKATES ZOMG THAT IS SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO FUNNT

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[LesJ]

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As the provider, that whole 'doing enough' for the family is no doubt an age old struggle. But what matters most is the stuff that lies underneath - underneath that thin superficial layer of what our society would have us believe is enough. A father's/husband's time, attention, and genuine interest is plenty.

While it won't improve your sleep for the worry of finding the next mortgage payment (trust me, I know!), don't deprive yourself the solace of knowing that you are doing right by your family where it matters most.

Resigning to the options available to you is the end of the worst part (which it sounds like you figured out). Change is inevitable. [censored] happens. Getting clear of the fog - new beginnings can/should be rejuvenating. Uncertainty, doubt...meh, makes life interesting [img]/images/graemlins/wink.gif[/img] Keep taking care of the important stuff and there won't be anything you guys can't take on, shrug off, and continue on...together.

Bless you & your family bro!

Ps. We should have hooked up with some 2-for-1 legal advice! [img]/images/graemlins/smile.gif[/img]

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Blue,

Thanks for the kind words. I know you have been thru some struggles as well and I hope things are going well for you.

Les

[LesJ]

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Les,

Great post. It is so hard to compose a thread like this, but you must imagine how helpful it is for so many members of the forum to read. I already had a high opinion of you, and this further enhances that opinion.

I really hope to meet you IRL someday soon.

Irieguy

PS- Don't believe the rumors in this thread... I don't have any kids.

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Irie,

One of the hardest parts in putting my post together was putting the story into concise bite-size nuggets so that it wouldn't be totally ingnored due to it's enormous length. I feel as though I hit all the main important points, but I also left quite alot out.

Thanks for the kind words. They mean alot coming from you.

As far as the meeting IRL thing, I am confident that things will improve enough to allow my wife and I to journey out to Vegas sometime in the next 12-18 months. Several months ago, I was pretty sure I would be playing in at least an event or two in the WSOP, but those plans have kinda fallen by the wayside. There is always next year!

Thanks again!

Les

[Theo_Brixton]

Hello sir, I can definitely feel your pain. I worked at a software company for 5 yrs and was laid off. I had been a 20% ROI on the Party SNG's (and god I sucked then), and I had been playing for over a year making money so I decided to give it a shot full time with only a 4k bankroll and unemployment while having a 2k a month nut at least. I figured if I was playing 30-40 hrs a week instead of 15 I'd be making mad balla money at SNGs, move up to the 215s and Step 5's, and ball happily ever after.

All my life I have coasted on my IQ and been a slacker, but I really gave my all to poker, 100% effort. Unfortunately I really had no idea what I was getting into and have also cried, broken my computer chair, freaked out, cursed the gods, etc several times. Much of this failure was due to my own failings, I believe I have a lot of talent but my roll and experience and maturity were painfully short of what's necessary to thrive in such an undertaking. I've managed to grind it out, even rebuilding from 6$ in my stars account back to over $2k in a week and other such ridiculous feats that have prevented me from ever going completely busto.

I am still a pro 18 months in, but I haven't really gotten anywhere. I have improved immensely, but so have a lot of other people, and the fish aren't as plentiful, and variance is a monster (I'm sure u know the drill). After the Party close, I ran good on Stars until I moved up to the 60s. First day on the 60s, I lost $1300 including 22 in a row OOM and went insane. I ended up tilting some off on PLO and then withdrew all.

I then started over at Full Tilt, and i was a solid 8-10% ROI for a while, nothing great (I then thought) but manageable with rakeback. I then hit a tremendous downswing again trying to move up to 60s, another 20+ buyin loss on the first day of them, then a 1k game break even stretch which caused me to give up SNGs.

I now grind full ring NL cash mostly, with some SNGs and live play thrown in. April was my worst month ever as a pro , losing over 3k.

I can't say that if I could go back in time, that I would not be a low stakes pro, I just would do things differently knowing so much more now.

Luckily I am single with no children, but I'm extremely hard on myself and have beat myself up countless times over failure in poker. I really think it is a tiny portion of people that can succeed as a low stakes grinder with a smallish roll, its really a madman's venture for most.


Eagles - I think a big reason you and others in your situation have succeeded is BECAUSE you don't have to worry about all that huge stressful stuff. I always tell my friends, when you NEED to make money, you can't. I only seem to run super hot in poker when I'm relaxed, confident, and properly rolled.

[proell]

Les,

Incredible post. On the must-read sttf list. Tons of respect for coming out with such an honest and well-written post, that couldn't have been easy to write.

best of luck moving forward.

[Eagles]

Les,
I didn't bother looking at this thread because I didn't think it would be that interesting. I was wrong, great thread lots of very good posts especially yours.

GL with whatever you do in the future.

[kevstreet]

As always, so many 2+2ers were spot on with their responses. The same can be said of your reaction to this issue.

Sometimes taking the path with the least amount of resistance is the best path.

Congratulations Les on turning your life onto the road that will best suit your family.

Best of luck to you.

- Kev