Argument with my dad

[Big Bend]

You're dad will be dead before you know it. Then you can spend the rest of your life wishing you had more time to say the things you want.. but it'll be too late.

I speak from experience. Cherish the few moments you have left with you dad.. there aren't many left.

BB

[satya]

People can only be who they are. Most of the time, who they are isn't who we need or expect them to be. You can hate and blame them for not being/doing things your way, or you can accept them how they are. Up to you.

If you need something from your father, ask. If he can give it, it sounds like he likely will. Sometimes men are just really dense when it comes to the emotional stuff!

Gift? Bringing yourself should be more than enough. Unless the gift thing is a standard in your family? It isn't in mine so..I dunno. Maybe something family related or shows your appreciation for family - something along those lines.

My dad's abandoned my family when I was 12 so I know a bit about emotionally unavailable fathers lol. Lots of things about my life sucked after that. Some stuff still sucks and yeah, in part probably a result of Dad's leaving. But I'm an adult. I control of my life now. (usually) Not him.

[NL Rounder]

So, your Dad did "all the things a Father should do" and you got upset because in your time of need he wasn't there to Mother you?

News Flash: It's an imperfect world full of imperfect people including your Dad, yourself and me. Get use to it and try to make things a little better for you and yours as I try to.

[paperjam]

[ QUOTE ]
So, your Dad did "all the things a Father should do" and you got upset because in your time of need he wasn't there to Mother you?

News Flash: It's an imperfect world full of imperfect people including your Dad, yourself and me. Get use to it and try to make things a little better for you and yours as I try to.

[/ QUOTE ]

I am trying to.

[Vorlin]

PaperJam,

There is an alternate road to the same place you're trying to go. Your dad sounds like a practical man and a realist, as well as other good things. I'd suggest showing up with steaks and his favorite drink, along with some for your mom and yourself, as well as another key element... a card.

Don't try to discuss things because if any little thing sets someone off it can go sideways on you. Instead, let the card do the talking. It can't be interrupted, stutter or get tounge tied. Just hold the steaks in one hand, place the drinks at your feet, hold the card out to whomever answers the door (but address it to "Dad") and ring the bell.

The card should simply say this:
"You taught me that life's too short to loose time with the ones we love over arguments. Being right or wrong is nothing compared to losing time with each other. I don't want to lose any more time with you than we already have. Therefore, I've got the food if you've got the Bar-B-Que. Love, Me."

Your dad raised a son who feels that who is right or wrong isn't important enough to loose time with each other over... and odds are good that you learned it because he believes it.

**Just agree that whatever it was isn't important enough to loose each other over, then bury it. No one has to be placed on the defensive because you both take the high road together and say "screw it, let's eat".

This is odd for me because my dad passed on Wed night, no I'm not kidding. Fortunately, I moved back across country to be near him for the last 4 years, so we had plenty of time to make our peace and for me to come running when he needed me.

I really do think that the best tactic is to tell him that you raised a son who keeps his priorities in order... and family relationships are much too high a priority to allow some argument to risk those relationships.

Vorlin

[pt special]

me and my dad are like this too, i didnt really talk to him for 4 months when i use to talk to him everyday, but one day i just decided to go over there and it was wierd but ever since then we have had a really good relationship

[swingdoc]

Wow, I am really impressed with your maturity, OP. You're dad is lucky to have a son who can see through all the [censored] in life to appreciate what is actually important. Good luck with your trip. Here's hoping for a good trip report.

[mindflayer]

Try this.
Print out this entire thread and stick it in a brown manilla envelope and put "Dad" on the front.
After your drop in (goes good/bad doesn't matter) leave
the envelope on the table before you leave.

[omahahahaha]

Where do you live? Where do they live? Because ,just an idea, if you live in a state where there is a specialty food that said state is known for , you could bring that. Or if they live somewhere with a "state food" then you could show up at the door with that, ring the doorbell and have that food with you and say something to the effect of, " I couldn't go another day without some good Maine lobster (Maine) " etc... I would think this would be a good icebreaker and although everyone would know the true reason you have arrived unexpectedly, it lift some humor to the situation.

Also, I'm not a fishing type guy, but if it's fishing season when you are about to arrive, Why not show up with a couple new fishing poles and maybe a planned day or two long trip for just you and your dad. While fishing , you two will be able to talk about things or maybe not even bother as it may be clear that you are just both happy to be hanging out together.

Do you guys like baseball?, hockey? basketball? If you two both like a particular sport, or more importantly, you two have a couple good memories of going to a game with eachother while you were younger then the way to go may be to show up with a couple tickets in your hand when he opens the door.

Just a couple thoughts, and good luck with whatever you choose to do. Just make sure that you follow through and do go to see him. Not only for your relationship with him but I'm sure your mother misses you too. Speaking to her here and there most likely isn't enough for her but she probably wouldn't let you know it.

Again good luck and best wishes. Let everyone know how it all turned out.

[TyFuji]

Bring fishing stuff and beer, go fishing and hug/talk it out. It sounds like you are both willing to reconcile, so go for it. This could also be done over a sporting event or other macho man type of manliness.