jokes you've made IRL that flopped

[highlife]

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While my older sister (sophomore in high school at the time) was getting ready to go the Senior Prom with some dude she knew from the track team, my parents took some pictures before he arrived. For some reason, I jokingly blurted out "Don't do anything you'll regret in 9 months." Man, the ensuing silence was awkward.

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awesome

[runningmarvel]

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I tell very few "jokes." Normally, I am just saying funny stuff.

But my worst flub of all-time was when I was drunker than Hogan's goat one night, and decided to ask a full table of fellow drinkers...

"Hey--why is a blind man's penis erect?"

"I don't know...why?"

"Because he's blind."

I literally had to stand up and leave the room.

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I don't get it.

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[SMB]

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The only joke I've bombed was a Timoty McVeigh joke.

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I think you're full of [censored].

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lol, awesome

[gogandmagaog]

first day of class in college, TA asks us to tell a joke to break the ice, everyone says nice non offensive riddle type jokes my turn... I'm jewish btw
whats the only difference between a pizza and a jew?
a pizza doesn't scream when you throw it in the oven?
nothing but stunned silence and glares
I dropped the class the next day

[jessicaalbiel]

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first day of class in college, TA asks us to tell a joke to break the ice, everyone says nice non offensive riddle type jokes my turn... I'm jewish btw
whats the only difference between a pizza and a jew?
a pizza doesn't scream when you throw it in the oven?
nothing but stunned silence and glares
I dropped the class the next day

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(stunned silence)

[Autocratic]

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first day of class in college, TA asks us to tell a joke to break the ice, everyone says nice non offensive riddle type jokes my turn... I'm jewish btw
whats the only difference between a pizza and a jew?
a pizza doesn't scream when you throw it in the oven?
nothing but stunned silence and glares
I dropped the class the next day

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You sure they weren't just shocked that you'd utilize such an overused joke?

[T_Mac]

On our last day of Grade 8 we got to go to a park and have fun all day. There was this guy who was in High school named Navin who would come as a Co-Op student or something to learn about teaching, and he coached our basketball team and was a cool guy who we all got along with. Anyway he lit up a cigarette and started smoking and this girl got upset and told him he shouldnt smoke, and that her grandfather had died of lung cancer. I took this oppurtunity to point out "Hey, no one would care if Navin died!". It was so awkward that I can still remember the girl upset and staring at me, and Navin just shaking his head and saying "Oh man..."

I think a little part of my childhood died that day. After that day I now at least recognize when I am going to be an ass. I usually still follow through, but at least I recognize it.

[drunk.hole]

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I tell very few "jokes." Normally, I am just saying funny stuff.

But my worst flub of all-time was when I was drunker than Hogan's goat one night, and decided to ask a full table of fellow drinkers...

"Hey--why is a blind man's penis erect?"

"I don't know...why?"

"Because he's blind."

I literally had to stand up and leave the room.

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LOL this is gold

[drunk.hole]

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The only joke I've bombed was a Timoty McVeigh joke.

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I think you're full of [censored].

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You're right, I've bombed another one too... It's the one where an Englishman , an Australian and an American go to a nightclub in bali...

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oh man this made me spit water on my monitor.

[nath]

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nath,

Did you not get the first McVeigh joke, the great followup, both, or neither?

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I guess I didn't get the followup?