|
|
#1
12-28-2006, 03:29 PM
|
|||
|
|||
Joke Contest
Tired of constantly being broke, and stuck in an unhappy marriage, a young husband decided to solve both problems by taking out a large insurance policy on his wife (with himself as the beneficiary), and arranging to have her killed.
A "friend of a friend" put him in touch with a nefarious underworld figure, who went by the name of "Artie." Artie explained to the husband that his going price for snuffing out a spouse was 5,000 quid. The husband said he was willing to pay that amount, but that he wouldn't have any cash on hand until he could collect his wife's insurance money. Artie insisted on being paid SOMETHING up front. The man opened up his wallet, displaying the single pound coin that rested inside. Artie sighed, rolled his eyes, and reluctantly agreed to accept the quid as down payment for the dirty deed. A few days later, Artie followed the man's wife to the local Sainsbury's (A large supermarket chain in the UK). There, he surprised her in the produce department, and proceeded to strangle her with his gloved hands. As the poor unsuspecting woman drew her last breath, and slumped to the floor, the manager of the produce department stumbled unexpectedly onto the scene. Unwilling to leave any witnesses behind, Artie had no choice but to strangle the produce manager as well. Unknown to Artie, the entire proceedings were captured by hidden cameras and observed by the store's security guard, who immediately called the police. Artie was caught and arrested before he could leave the store. Under intense questioning at the police station, Artie revealed the sordid plan, including his financial arrangements with the hapless husband. And that is why, the next day in the newspaper, the headline declared: spoiler:" <font color="white">ARTIE CHOKES TWO FOR A POUND AT SAINSBURY'S </font> ." 
|
|
#3
12-28-2006, 04:44 PM
|
|||
|
|||
|
Re: Joke Contest
I heard another pretty lame joke the other day... What is the only word in the English language that is always pronounced incorrectly? let me hear some guesses then I'll post the answer
|
|
#4
12-28-2006, 04:55 PM
|
|||
|
|||
|
Re: Joke Contest
Incorrectly
|
|
#7
12-28-2006, 06:08 PM
|
|||
|
|||
|
Re: Joke Contest
[ QUOTE ]
I heard another pretty lame joke the other day... What is the only word in the English language that is always pronounced incorrectly? let me hear some guesses then I'll post the answer [/ QUOTE ] "incorrectly" ship it
|
|
#9
12-28-2006, 06:57 PM
|
|||
|
|||
|
Re: Joke Contest
The Louisiana State Police received reports of illegal [censored] fights being held in the area around Lafayette, and duly dispatched the infamous Detective Desormeaux to investigate. Desormeaux reported to his sergeant the next morning.
"Dey is tree main groups in dis [censored] fightin," Desormeaux began. "Good work Desormeaux! Who are they?" the sergeant asked. Desormeaux replied confidently, "De Aggies, de Cajuns, and de Mafia." Puzzled, the sergeant asked, "How did you find that out in one night?" "Well," said Desormeaux, "I went down and done seed dat [censored] fight, I knowed de Aggies was involved whan a duck was entered in de fight." The sergeant nodded. "Ok, I'll buy that, but what about the others?" Desormeaux intoned knowingly, "Well, I knowed de Cajuns was involved wen sumbody bet on de duck." "Ah," sighed the sergeant. "And how did you deduce that the mafia was involved?" "De duck won."
|
|
#10
12-28-2006, 07:06 PM
|
|||
|
|||
|
Re: Joke Contest
The penguin is driving along and his car breaks down. He gets it towed to a shop to fix it. While he's waiting, the penguin decides to look around the small town. It's hot, so he buys an ice cream. He eats it, but having no fingers, it's a messy process. He waddles back to the shop.
Repairman: "Looks like you blew a seal." Penguin: "No, no. It's just ice cream."
|
 |
|
|
Linear Mode
