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  #141  
Old 11-24-2007, 12:54 AM
NapoleonDolemite NapoleonDolemite is offline
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Default Re: Do you want to have children?

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I was giving it some serious thought recently after a pregnancy scare with my SLF. I have only been around a baby for a total of 10-15 hours my entire life. I think that they are cute, but I am not capable of playing or talking to them. Making baby noises seems to come naturally to most people, but I could never do it. I don't find little kids very interesting and I can't see myself being one of those parents who decides to stop living their own life to dedicate it to Disney cartoons and diaper cleaning because "Isn't the baby so perfect and special!" I think human beings have a responsibility to pursue intellectual outlets and raising a child is pretty much the opposite. "Dad you only care about running your billion dollar corporation, not my third grade science project!" However, I know that having children is important to my SLF, so I feel obligated to comply in the future. The times I was around kids, I pretty much had to fake liking them and being interested in them to make their parents feel good. It would kind of suck if I had to fake liking my own child, so hopefully its different. Now that I think about, my father never seemed very interested in me. So maybe that is why I feel a lack of paternal instincts.

I am curious if anyone felt similarly and how it turned out after you had children?

Many of you are going to say that I shouldn't have children, but that doesn't seem realistic. You make commitments to people and sometimes you have to suck it up and do stuff you don't want to do.

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Yeah I basically felt exactly like you do. Then I had my daughter (she's 2 now). You'll look back on the way you feel now (and the way you reacted when you found out it was going to happen, in my case) and laugh at yourself.

It's great and I wouldn't change it for anything.
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  #142  
Old 11-24-2007, 02:26 AM
revots33 revots33 is offline
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Default Re: Do you want to have children?

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The one thing I have seen is that there does seem to be something 'missing' in people who never have had kids. Not sure if societal pressure just catches up, but I haven't seen many childless couples who have had a blast in life because they could whatever they want.

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Eh I think this is a stereotype - that childless couples must live some sort of globetrotting jetset lifestyle, since they can "do whatever they want".

For the record I'm 39, no kids. My wife and I do not go out "having a blast" every night at nightclubs, fancy restaurants, etc. We like quiet. We enjoy watching tv together. We enjoy reading. We make each other laugh. We are basically a normal married couple - just without kids. Parents probably can't comprehend how we can be happy, living with just each other in a childless house. But we are.

But... sorry Henry but you're coming off kinda silly in this thread. Do you honestly expect a parent to sit and itemize the benefits of having kids, like they are a new car purchase or a mutual fund? Why the hell do I love my parents? After all he's just a civil servant and she's just a homemaker. Nothing particularly noteworthy about them, other than that they're my parents. And yet, I love them. Go figure. Do I need to list the reasons why I love them to your satisfaction? Parents tend to feel a deep love for their children, not sure why you can't just accept that at face value.
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  #143  
Old 11-24-2007, 11:06 PM
BDaws BDaws is offline
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Default Re: Do you want to have children?

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Isn't it strange then that not one single parent has said they regret having children in this thread? Not one.

That means that EVERY SINGLE PARENT is delusional, or you're just talking out of your ass.

I choose the latter.

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Isn't there some middle ground? Certainly some parents could be delusional, convincing themselves that having kids was the best thing that ever happened to them, and some could genuinely feel that way, right?

Henry wins this thread. Just because you love your kids doesn't mean everyone else needs to have kids. That's just retarded.
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  #144  
Old 11-24-2007, 11:53 PM
Ghazban Ghazban is offline
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Default Re: Do you want to have children?

I can't imagine any parent publically stating that they regret having children whether they feel that way or not...


Edit: I mean, really, unless you absolutely hate that you had kids, you probably wouldn't say anything. If you felt that havings kids was, overall, a mistake but you still cared for your children, I doubt you'd post your feeling that you'd rather you hadn't had them in a public forum. Kids read the internet (shocking!) too.
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  #145  
Old 11-25-2007, 03:26 AM
Iplayragstoo Iplayragstoo is offline
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Location: Taking care of triplets
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Default Re: Do you want to have children?

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Need more parents to post in this so they convince all you idiots that kids are likely the most rewarding part of your life.

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If they are going to do that then they need to actually name specifics of how having children has improved their lives. Most of the time it is just abstract and meaningless statements like having children is "amazing" or having children was the best thing I ever did.

They never explain how or why children improved their life only that they did. The negatives of having children are pretty easy to list so why are the benefits such abstract concepts?

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Benefits include:
Give Love
Receive Love
Nurturing
Patience
Fun
Seeing the world anew through unblemished, non synical eyes
Working with someone towards a goal that is greater than yourself
Having your child reach up and grab your hand
Wrestling with your kids
Plyaing Wii/video games with kids
Eating Cheetos with your kids
Going to Disneyland and watching them skip all day
Putting on home plays
Playing hide n seek
Playing baseball
Going skating
Playing soccer
Having your son say "There are no such thing as bad people only bad manners"
Watching your kids suceed at learning
Watching Shrek Toy Story with kids
Teachng your kids manners
Having your 3 year old tell you "you don't have to talk to me that way just b/c you are frustrated"
Holding your kid when they are crying
Being there for your kid when they are sick/hurt
Building legos
Going for a walk with your toddler having him point to a car and go "auto"
Having both your kids win the VIP award 2 times in the school year both for "Integrity"
Changing your kids diapers
Cooking your kids mac an cheese jus tthe way they like it.
Having someone who ask's "Where's Dad" or "Dad will you play with me?
Having your 9 year old son tell you that his idea of a dream weekend was the one that just transpired where you had a weekend marthathon of japination.
Realizing that you could learn from your kids about being mor open and honest.
Paying $150/hr for your kid to see a child psychologist and realizing that he carries the same issues as you and that if you don't heal maybe he won't either.
Realizing your kids are spoiled and that they have a shelterd life compared to the abuse you suffered as a child but being grateful that you could stop the bs at this generation.

Realizing that it was the best decision you have ever made.
The only one you never regretted or doubted from the moment they were born.
Specific enough for you?

How long a list are looking for - I could be here all day.

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I have triplet toddlers now...I don't see the benefit in this at all sir, not at all... [img]/images/graemlins/shocked.gif[/img]
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  #146  
Old 11-25-2007, 09:28 AM
Ser William Ser William is offline
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Default Re: Do you want to have children?

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Henry wins this thread. Just because you love your kids doesn't mean everyone else needs to have kids. That's just retarded.

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I suggest you actually read the thread then. No parent has chimed in saying that you NEED to have kids. Henry asked for reasons why people would want to have kids and he was given them. But the parents on this thread often have encouraged him NOT to have kids. I'm sure there are some parents that would force kids on everyone and that IS retarded, yes. But the majority of sane parents realize that having kids is not for everyone.

That should have been the end of the thread. Unfortunately, Henry seems to think that his way is the only way, and hence continues what some might consider trolling.
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  #147  
Old 11-25-2007, 10:54 AM
Henry17 Henry17 is offline
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Default Re: Do you want to have children?

[ QUOTE ]
That should have been the end of the thread. Unfortunately, Henry seems to think that his way is the only way, and hence continues what some might consider trolling.

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Actually that isn't true at all. Have you been reading the same thread?

My position has been from the outset that it is an individual choice. What I have taken offence to is the implication that my agency is defective because I don't want children. I've been told I'll change my mind, that I'll regret my choice, that something will be missing, that I'm selfish, that my life is empty, that I can't possibly understand etc.

All I've stated is that for me the benefits of parenthood are not worth having a boring life. There is no claim that other people should have the same values. Individual's conception of the good are private and specific to them. I have no business judging them or telling them what their conception of the good should be.
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  #148  
Old 11-25-2007, 09:43 PM
revots33 revots33 is offline
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Default Re: Do you want to have children?

I do agree with Henry that a lot of parents have a prejudice (sometimes subtle, sometimes not) against people who choose not to have children. They usually categorize them as selfish, self-involved, living lives devoid of real meaning, etc. (and yes a few of these words have appeared in some of the parents' responses on this very thread). Many non-parents devote a large part of their their lives to helping others. And many parents are selfish [censored]. Parents don't have a monopoly on selflessness or the ability to love.

My issue with Henry is that he keeps asking parents to justify why they think having kids is so great, as if it can be quantified. "Because I love my children" is a perfectly sufficient answer IMO.

To each his own.
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