Brag: Insulted huge biker in bar when drunk, avoided fight

Arp220 · #1 10-16-2007, 01:18 AM

So I go to this local bar with a few friends after work on saturday. Crappy place, but good beer and near my apartment, so whatever... after a few hours, we're all drunk as hell and making a lot of noise and pissing off the bar tender and other people in the place are giving us dirty looks and hit but who cares.s

Around midnight, we hear some LOUD engines outside and in walk a group of biker dudes. These [censored] are HUGE and MEAN looking, 6 feet tall and built like a soft drink vending machines, chains and leather and [censored] everywhere, tattoos, beards, and so on.

I'd spent the last hour explaining to my friends how I could totally take Jet Li in a fight, complete with demonstrations using bar stools, so they challenge me to go trash talk these bikers. I've had seven pints of Guinness by this point and feeling like I could [censored] a ranger division single handed, so I go over to their table and stand face to face with who is obviously their leader, this massive dude with swastikas tattooed on both arms who is taking up nearly three spaces on the bench at their table. I look him straight in the eye and say:

"I went by your moms house the other day and she was standing beside the window completely naked. Man she looked good. I felt like jerking it right there and then".

My friends have gone totally silent over by the bar. A few of the biker dudes emit audible gasps and a few of them stand up. But the biker leader just looks back at me, not saying a word. So I went on:

"She saw me going past and beckoned me inside. So I went in, threw her down on the couch, and had her right there and then. She's a screamer, did ya know that, sonny boy?"

My friends are looking at us like rabbits in the headlights. All the other bikers are now standing up and forming a menacing circle around me. But still the head biker says nothing. So I recklessly decide to continue:

"And whats more, she LIKED it. She BEGGED for more. So I took her upstair, flipped her over the edge of the bed, and did her in the ass. She loved it, the dirty little whore."

My friends have vanished out the door by this point. The other bikers have almost completely surrounded me. One of them says to their leader "Skull, what ya want us to do?"

The biker leader slowly stands up, reaches across the table, takes me by the lapels of my jacket, and says, in a soft voice:

"Go home Dad, you're drunk again"