jokes you've made IRL that flopped

[Hollywade]

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I feign looking at the menu, point, and say, "Yes I'd like the TWELVE POUNDS OF BACON, please."



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I agree that this kind of stuff kills me but I can't even really say why. I love it though.

[21times20]

all this talk by so many people about how when their jokes bomb it's because the audience was too stupid to get it, and apparently not a single one of you noticed when the GrammarPolice gimmick account pretty much won the thread

[KidLifeCrisis]

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Repeating it a second time right after is way funnier than being the first one to say it

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"So you got something to look at when you're talking to them!"

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Excellent

[westhoff]

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A+ thread

I read "finish her" hours ago and I'm still giggling like a school girl.

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[GSykes]

This one is just soo weird and not that funny but looking back at it I still laugh.

High School Hockey play offs we hit there goalie and all hell ensues and my best buddy and this guy get into it back and forth.

This one guy goes your a [censored] [censored].

My friend responds with, well ya you're bad at math!.

Even in the heat of the moment I lost it but no one else found it funny.

[martijn]

I'dd say normally I'm a pretty funny guy, with a few exceptions like this:

High school, we got some kind of tour in a beer/soda company, and someone notices they also make a B brand soda there. The most populair kid in the class tells everyone his uncle or whatever owns that company, and I blurb out before thinking about it "B brand for B people" or something to that degree.

I wanted to sink threw the floor so bad, and felt so alone the rest of the trip.

[AlexM]

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i was in the mall with the g/f and heard a mom calling out loud for her little kid, so without thinking i say in a high pitched kidvoice "over here mom!"

the woman looks at me and i start laughing saying "just joking" and she fumes to me "NOT FUNNY!" finds the kid and beats it in public screaming "DON'T EVER WALK AWAY AGAIN"

the whole time i'm [censored] thinking y the [censored] r u shopping if u can't keep tabs on a goddam 6 y/o girl...the cashier asked what was wrong and the woman points to me and said "that [censored] thought it was funny. OH YA REAL FUNNY"





i don't regret it to this day. even the g/f gave me flack for it.

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You got that kid a public beating. Good job.

[sonneti]

A guy was telling me this heartfelt story about his girlfriend getting an abortion and I said "You child murdering bastards.. you are going to burn for that one" He just looked at me funny with a sense of pain and suffering in his eyes, and I said "Hmmm too soon, right?"

[AlexM]

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This story happened in HS about 12 years ago when Mortal Kombat first came out. Our health teacher told us some woman from social services was coming in the next day and she expected us to be on our best behavior. The next day, this woman comes in and shows us a video on physical abuse. The video shows some guy coming home to his wife and 2 kids; he starts an argument w/ the wife. Evenually he starts hitting her in front of the kids and she falls on the ground and he starts kicking her in the head. It was actually pretty graphic, which surprised me. Anyway, just as he's about to stomp on her head, the social woman pauses the video to talk about it; I say, "Finish Her!". About 1/2 the class gasps in shock, the other half are trying not to laugh. My teacher got pissed and sent me to the principal's office.

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It's been months since I laughed this much.

[AlexM]

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this one kinda bombed.

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It would have been funny in another situation. The fact that the teacher might get fired for doing that makes me think of how crappy bureaucracy is though, which brings me down.