Telling people they need to lose weight (or other unpleasant things).

PartyGirlUK · #1 06-27-2007, 05:00 PM

Firstly, one of my best friends has always been deeply obese. Id guess he is 6 foot 1 and 400lbs. He's one of the nicest guys you could wish to meet and has a lot going for him. He should be able to have an amazing and and full life, and he actually does lead a pretty good life as it is, but he cant play sports, and its hard to see him living past 40 as it goes. We've never talked about his size, but he knows he is obese and Im sure he wants to lose weight and knows the consequences.

Subject number two is my brother. I havent actually seen him for 15 months, but my parents just told me he's put a lot of weight on and they seemed genuinely upset about it. He is 5 '11 and it sounds like he is 260lbs or so. Apparently when they last saw him he was having 3 or 4 servings from the buffets, but they didnt say anything. He is single and wants to get married soon. He is not sporty but I want him to be healthy.

What is the best way to approach this? I dont want to upset either, but sometimes tough love is needed and someone has to tell them how it is.

Thanks,

D

kerowo · #2 06-27-2007, 05:10 PM

Find someplace non-threatening, like at their house with no one else around and then ask them what they think about it. However, unless you are willing to help them make the needed changes in their life to lose weight I wouldn't bother. Just telling someone they are fat and then not talking to them for weeks or months isn't going to do anything but make you feel like you "did something" and make them feel like crap.

Bond18 · #3 06-27-2007, 05:23 PM

In my book, if these people are close to me than they understand anything i tell them honestly is just looking out for them.

I'm not saying its the best approach, but i like to kill the sorta taboo feeling of the subject by saying something like "whoa dude, you should think of dropping some weight, that [censored] not healthy."

I certainly wouldn't say that to someone i hardly knew.

I'd also offer to help in anyway possible as well.

JennFox · #4 06-27-2007, 05:59 PM

Odds are not matter how you tell them, their first reaction will be defensive, and disbelief at how insulting you could be to someone so close to you. It sounds like you don't really know how deep these issues run with your friend or brother. You could be opening pandora's box. Maybe they have never "realized" their own problems, or they just don't care. Or maybe they stay up at night alone in the dark crying and contemplating suicide bc of it. And I really don't mean that in a vulgar way. But seriously, you might consider if its your place to say these things to people when they have issues that definitively only they themselves can correct.
Anyway, I'm just saying it may not be the "Oh gee, I know you're right. *sob* I need help, man!" response you seem to maybe be hoping for.. But if you are super close with them, it should get there.. maybe after the shock has worn off. The only way it isn't out of line for you to say these kinds of things is if you really are doing because you care about them. And the only way it will work is if you offer your total support, and feasible solution you can both work on together. Otherwise, where the hell do you fit in? If you're whole plan is to just tell them what they already know, or try to enlighten them or something self-righteous like that, you might be looking at two big "[censored] you"s.

guids · #5 06-27-2007, 07:35 PM

speaking from personal experience, there is no real point in telling people this stuff, they know it, it is up to them to change.

highhustla · #6 06-27-2007, 07:52 PM

[ QUOTE ]
speaking from personal experience, there is no real point in telling people this stuff, they know it, it is up to them to change.

[/ QUOTE ]

Yeah, based on this quote:

[ QUOTE ]
We've never talked about his size, but he knows he is obese and Im sure he wants to lose weight and knows the consequences.

[/ QUOTE ]

If he knows this, why do you need to bring it up?

turnipmonster · #7 06-27-2007, 07:55 PM

[ QUOTE ]
speaking from personal experience, there is no real point in telling people this stuff, they know it, it is up to them to change.

[/ QUOTE ]

highhustla · #8 06-27-2007, 09:14 PM

can we hijack this, to, say, how to tell your girl she gives bad head? (things that actually need to be said)

captZEEbo · #9 06-27-2007, 09:47 PM

[ QUOTE ]
can we hijack this, to, say, how to tell your girl she gives bad head? (things that actually need to be said)

[/ QUOTE ]tell her you like the way she does it, watch some instruction head videos together and be like, could you try it this way sometime? Then ask if there's anything that she'd like you to try or any way to make it better for her.

Also during you can ask her to do stuff too. Your sounds should illustrate to her what you likes and what you don't like.

She probably wants to please you as much as you want good head, but she probably doesn't know since it doesn't seem like you've brought it up.

goodgrief · #10 06-27-2007, 09:55 PM

Were you brought up in a barn? I'm a skinny old (female) coot, and I still know that you never, ever tell people they need to lose weight, never, not unless you're their doctor. Guess what, dude, they already know they're fat. Do you seriously think these people are idiots? As far as living past 40, fat people live past 40 with no problem, it's anorexics who die in their 20s. When you reach my age, you'll feel pretty silly, because the fat people go on and on, and it's my skinny friends who keep conking over in their 50s. Fat people may die in their 60s, in which case they are not giving up the best part of life. My vote: zip your lip.