jokes you've made IRL that flopped

[stealyourface]

Senior year of highschool I took a forensic science class with my best friend. On a field trip to some Walter Reed medical museum, we had to watch a very graphic autopsy video in a theater-type setting. It actually ended up being almost unwatchable because of how gruesome it was (they removed his spine, cut open his genitals, etc.). Anyway at the beginning of the movie when they take the white sheet off the body, I shout "Oh my god that's my father!" My best friend is cracking up, while I get weird looks from the rest of the audience and a stern stare from my teacher.

Whatever, I thought it was funny. [img]/images/graemlins/tongue.gif[/img]

[zer0]

funny thread for sure.

first thing that comes to mind for me:

i'm out at a restaurant for dinner w/ my gf at the time (of about 2 or 3 months, nothing serious) and her parents. they live in a different state, and don't see their daughter much, so they're basically chatting about people i dont know leaving me kinda out in the cold (i had only met her parents a couple times before, so its not like i was buddy-buddy with them). about half hour in, before we get our entrees, they're still talking up a storm, and my gf is basically ignoring me, leaving me in an awkward spot. by this point, i've put back a couple gin and tonics to get me through the night, and decided this girl isn't gonna last.

anyways, they start in on another story about one of her older uncles or great uncles, i dont remember. apparently, he had started losing his sight, and was legally blind, and was telling another family member he had lost his will to live. before my "gf" could react, i got in "thats too bad, i hate to see (emphasized) people in that state of mind". her father glared at her for 5 seconds, she kept her head down, i had another sip. not even a chuckle.

[sholler]

we were doing an icebreaker in our entrepreneurship class where we paired up and told the other person about our plans for the future. me and the kid i was with were just f'ing around though so i gave him all fake answers to the questions and vice versa. when the prof asked my partner where i said i saw myself in ten years (obv expecting something like "running my own business blah blah) he said "stay at home dad with a sugar momma". nobody laughed, nobody was surprised, no reactions at all. prof just moved onto the next person it was like everyone heard him say "successful businessman" or something.. very strange

[mutigers5591]

[ QUOTE ]
we were doing an icebreaker in our entrepreneurship class where we paired up and told the other person about our plans for the future. me and the kid i was with were just f'ing around though so i gave him all fake answers to the questions and vice versa. when the prof asked my partner where i said i saw myself in ten years (obv expecting something like "running my own business blah blah) he said "stay at home dad with a sugar momma". nobody laughed, nobody was surprised, no reactions at all. prof just moved onto the next person it was like everyone heard him say "successful businessman" or something.. very strange

[/ QUOTE ]

are you sure noone laughed?

[lennie257]

Not exactly a joke, but...

My friend was hanging around the house one night a couple of years ago while some of his sister's friends were over. He and another guy end up playing video games, the guy is talking some smack as people do with video games - 'man you are so terrible hahaha'. My friend, in a masterly display of wit, said 'yeah well that's not what your mum thought when I banged her last night' (or something along those lines). The guy went very quiet. He found out later that, of course, the guy's mum was dead.

[Gullanian]

It was a pub quiz at my university. 30 teams or so, and a lot of people hanging round the bar. About 200 people total. Me and my friends team drew for 3rd place or something, so one person from each team had to go up and say a joke. So my friends nominated me and I went up.

The other guy from the other team told his joke, something rubbish about the american military, there were a lot of laughs from the audience, a good atmosphere.

Then I told my joke

"What did the deaf dumb blind kid get for christmas? He doesn't know"

Very un pc, in retrospect it was a bad move to make infront of so many people, I said the punchline, and then realised I everyone was just staring at me, no one laughing except I could see my friends on the table in the corner of my eye pissing themselves quietly, it was the funniest thing they ever saw.

There was this girl in a wheel chair directly infront of me, the joke had nothing to do with her but I felt ashamed because she was staring at me shaking her head.

Probably one of the most embarassing things I've ever done.

[lennie257]

[ QUOTE ]

"What did the deaf dumb blind kid get for christmas?"

[/ QUOTE ]

A pinball machine surely?

[doppelganger]

Nah, he's been playin' that silver ball ever since he was a young boy.

[nath]

[ QUOTE ]
"What did the deaf dumb blind kid get for christmas? He doesn't know"

[/ QUOTE ]
The correct answer is "AIDS"

[Gullanian]

[ QUOTE ]
"What did the deaf dumb blind kid get for christmas? He doesn't know"

[/ QUOTE ]

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