SERIOUS TOPIC: Friend dying, son wants to send wife to mental

[Relvin]

institution/nuthouse.

Our family has been good friends with an older couple for over ten years. The husband is dying of cancer and might have 4 months to live. His wife has alzheimer's and as a result has short term memory loss. I don't know how to explain the severity of it, but basicly she says the same thing two or three times in a short time span (asks my dad if he would like a drink 3 times yesterday, each time he said no). The third time she asked my dad said he already told her why he didn't want a drink and when he implored her to remember why she was able to recall that he had to go to work. Other then that she carries on a conversation pretty normaly and is very talkative and social. Often her condition is not very bad and does not interfere much with our conversations.

Quick interuption to give history, the wife's husband died about 20 years ago and the husband's wife died around the same time. Both sides were pretty wealthy/well off. They couple got maried a maybe 17 years ago I believe.

The couple has a very nice house and I think a good deal of money. This is where the husbands son comes into play .... He flew in recently (from out of state doesn't visit too often) and apparently he claims that the wife had some medical tests done and they determined she has dementia and is unable to take care of herselt. As a result, the son says he will send the wife to a mental hospital/nuthouse when the husband dies and in addition the son gets control of all of the couples assets (husbands Will gives all money to son).


Here is the problem. The wife has no knowledge of any of these medical tests they claim have taken place (short term memory problem maybe?) They have actualy not even told her that her husband has about 4 months to live (she thinks he will recover). The son was given power of attorney by his father (the husband). The husband either knows what is going on or trusts his son to take care of his wife (may not know about the mental hospital at all).

power of attorney definition:

A Power of Attorney is a legal instrument that is used to delegate legal authority to another. The person who signs(executes)a Power of Attorney is called the Principal. The power of Attorney gives legal authority to another person(called an Agent or Attorney-in-Fact) to make property, financial and other legal decisions for the Principal.

A Principal can give an Agent broad legal authority, or very limited authority. The Power of Attorney is frequently used to help in the event of a Principal's illness or disability, or in legal transactions where the principal cannot be present to sign necessary legal documents.

----------

So now apparently he is responsible for taking care of the wife because she has been deemed to not be able to take care of herself (I find this to be very false on the basis of the numerour encounters I have had with her 30+).

So basicly the son wants to have all the money. He does not seem to get along with the wife very well and I do not believe he likes her. The sons girlfriend and the wife REALLY do not like each other. The son seems to have made some mental slips (my parents heard him say that if the wife does not start behaving better he will ship her to the mental hospital/nuthouse next week. However, I amsure this would not happen until the husband dies. I do not know what details the husband knows exactly. I believe he wants all of the money to go to his son since his wife has no close relatives to give it to when she dies.

We believe she should get the half she is entitlted to and that she can absolutly take care of herself with some help (a nice retirement home would be perfect for her). We think that she would be shocked and would not be able to handle being in the mental hospital (no suprise).

Our thoughts are to get her to come with us to get a second opinion on her condition from an unbiased pyhsician. The son seems to be quite confident that he is in complete control of the situation at this point. What would you do in this situaion? I don't see how we can just sit back and let this happen. If we explain to the wife what is going on she may not believe it at all and is actualy probably in denial a little bit about her medical condition.

Here is how I look at it. 1 in 3 people 85 or older have some degree of alzhemeirs. She is 84 years old. I am confident that she could take care of herself with some help at a retirement home. I am also pretty sure that 1 in 3 people over the age of 85 are not in mental institutions ... so there definitly seems to be a problem here .....

I left out some details because this is getting a little lengthy but all the important information is here.

[xxThe_Lebowskixx]

why dont you just suggest having her sent to a retirment home? the costs are probably about the same.

[inside??]

My grandma has dementia and the women you describe pretty much has all the signs. A hospital seems like an expensive solution. I would think some type of full care retirement community would be better. It helps these people if they are around others their age. You can take her for a second opinion but I am not sure what you could gain by it. What would you do if the second doctor came back with a different prognosis?

[Relvin]

We suspect some kind of foulplay by the son, he has basicly declared that she can not take care of herself and that he has tests to prove it (therefore when the husband dies she will no longer be given her half of the estate). The son will be responsible for taking care of her (and we do not feel he has her best interests in mind). If she were capable of living at a retirement home I believe she would be entitled to her half of the estate. We strongly believe that she would do fine at a retirement home and we would like to see her at a very nice one that we know of. We do not want to see here in the mental hospital or believe she belongs there.

Basicly I think the son is after the money because he does not particularly care for her and this is the way he plans on getting it (otherwise this would not be an issue, she would get her half and the son would get the other half).

Also, I believe the husband trusts his son 100 percent and is probably feeling too weak to handle the situation himself (thus the power of attorney).

Also I am sure that she wants and expects to get half of the estate, and does not want to be dependent on the son. You guys so far don't seem to find the situation to be a big deal but I am certain that if her former husband (he is dead as I mentioned before) could somehow know about this he would be disgusted to see all his money (which should be his wifes money) going to the son and his wife being sent to a mental institution.

[gimmetheloot]

uh, talk to her not yet dead husband about the situation and go from there?

[Relvin]

my parents tried talking to him he didn't want to talk about it and he is feeling very weak ... I agree though I was going to try to talk to him about it.

[Sholar]

[ QUOTE ]
uh, talk to her not yet dead husband about the situation and go from there?

[/ QUOTE ]

Bingo.

Also, keep in mind that the husband may have thought things through more than you. Any money he gives his wife is going to disappear as soon as she goes to any kind of institution. There may be no benefit at all to putting more money in her name. Of course the devil is in the details, and getting advice from a professional about those sorts of things is a good idea.

[gimmetheloot]

If he will not talk about it then there is simply nothing that you can do as far as I know. I'm 19 and have no idea about the laws and such but I would *imagine* that anything you or anybody besides himself has to say about the matter means nothing.

He acqueises(sp?) and becomes willing to talk about it and maybe change it, or have fun visiting old woman in the padded room...

or hire a hitman for the old bird and then when she says she didnt do it she has alzhiemers. no son all her money yay

[snes chalmers]

It's not your family, you need to stay out of it, end of story.

[Jazzy3113]

mind your own [censored] business