An EDF Introspective: S.R.E.A.M.

[gonores]

This is a post I’ve had written in my head for a long time now. It started in my head as a rant, but it turns out that I’m really just very interested in the topic.

Basically, I want to explore the nearly complete and wholehearted acceptance of sex as a motivator in the culture of the American male. Hopefully, we can all agree on the premise, which is that doing certain things in our lives in the name of getting laid is generally seen as acceptable or even admirable among our group of peers…moreso than in most times in our history.

Why is this? We live in a world with a number of tools and methods to help us understand why we make the decisions we make. Why does it seem like we never focus a spotlight on the sex drive? I never hear my friends or other people who are close to me asking themselves “Why do I want to get laid so badly?” or “Why do I keep banging random chicks/vapid whores/girls I really don’t like/etc?” We call in to question soooo many motivational tools such as money, religion, obligation to others, spite, etc, but it seems like sex is the one invincible, pure, irrefutable motivator in our society. In fact, I will probably have my sexuality called in to question just for posting something like this.

So, EDF, why do we think this? If what I’ve written applies to you, have you ever asked yourself why sex is so prominent in your decision-making process? Have you ever thought about the ramifications of blindly accepting sex as motivator (obviously, I mean this in a psychological sense, not in a spiritual/religious sense)? Is there a logical argument to suggest that fueling the sex drive can ultimately lead to fulfillment or happiness?

If at all possible, I’d like to avoid the “we’re animals and we all have impulses and it’s fine to follow those impulses and possibly even harmful to deny them” argument, because even if it is true, it is an argument that suggests that logic is inapplicable to the situation. There is no way to get a squeeze a good discussion out of that.

I have a lot more to write on this topic, but for brevity’s sake, I’ll stop here and get some responses first.

[gumpzilla]

Nice post. I often find myself thinking that sex for enjoyment is pretty silly to be such a powerful driver for human action, and that people generally should take it less seriously. EDIT: Of course, I've had a steady source for a long time, which I'm sure colors my opinions.

[PITTM]

Yeah, I guess I wondered why people did such crazy stuff for sex while I was in a relationship. My friends would always be getting ultra drunk, hooking up with some random and regretting it, and I would just sigh and shake my head. Now that I am out it is clear that sex is def something to be desired. However, I just cant sleep with a girl unless I care about her to at least some minimal standard. I have slept with a girl ive known less than a month exactly once and it was def in there with the worst experiences I have had. I guess my point is that if you know sex wont be good unless you really like the person it makes sex with randoms undesirable. This is where I am and it works pretty well. Of course, I am such a stoner that my sex drive might just be lower than normal.

[adsman]

I grew out of this stage by the time I was 23, if I remember correctly. People who never grow out of this generally tend to lead troubled lives from what I've seen.

[KurtSF]

[ QUOTE ]
We call in to question soooo many motivational tools such as money, religion, obligation to others, spite, etc, but it seems like sex is the one invincible, pure, irrefutable motivator in our species

[/ QUOTE ]

Seriously.

I know you don't want to get into the "its natural" argument because there isn't a good argument there. But that's about it. Your purpose as a member of the species, ultimately, is to keep the species going. You do this by having sex. Therefore, sex drive is built in, or evolved in, or however you want to look at it.

You might have more fertile ground (so to speak) investigating the quality/quantity bifurcation between male and female reproductive behavior systems.

[gonores]

[ QUOTE ]
I often find myself thinking that sex for enjoyment is pretty silly to be such a powerful driver for human action, and that people generally should take it less seriously.

[/ QUOTE ]

Dig deeper. Why do you think this way? What negatives come from taking sex too seriously (or what positives are denied from it)?

[gonores]

[ QUOTE ]
Now that I am out it is clear that sex is def something to be desired.

[/ QUOTE ]

Do you mean that now you're out you realize society is very highly driven by sex? Or did you realize that you yourself desire sex? Either way, you make this statement, but the question I posed in the original post is why is this so?

[gonores]

[ QUOTE ]
I know you don't want to get into the "its natural" argument because there isn't a good argument there. But that's about it. Your purpose as a member of the species, ultimately, is to keep the species going. You do this by having sex. Therefore, sex drive is built in, or evolved in, or however you want to look at it.

[/ QUOTE ]

OK, as long as you can agree with what I am about to write, I think all that needs to be said about "it's natural" argument will have been said.

1. Many people have sex for bad reasons and for reasons they don't understand.
2. The "it's natural" argument suggests that the motivations rooted in sex are completely out of our own control.
3. The people referenced in point 1 would gravitate toward using point 2 as a rationalization to perpetuate their unhealthy behaviors.
4. These people would benefit from from having point 2 disproven (something I can't do). They would benefit from that because it would make them more likely to understand why they view sex the way they do.

[PITTM]

[ QUOTE ]
[ QUOTE ]
Now that I am out it is clear that sex is def something to be desired.

[/ QUOTE ]

Do you mean that now you're out you realize society is very highly driven by sex? Or did you realize that you yourself desire sex? Either way, you make this statement, but the question I posed in the original post is why is this so?

[/ QUOTE ]

I knew society was driven by sex, but when youre in a relationship and dont have to be like "trying" to go get sex you kind of stop being driven by it. So I guess I kind of felt like I was looking at it as an outsider being like "man wtf is with people and these ultra-urges?". Now that I am single, I understand the urges, I just do not understand how they are so strong in some people. There has never been a time where I would even consider paying for sex, much less doing some of the much worse [censored] people do for sex.

[private joker]

[ QUOTE ]


I knew society was driven by sex, but when youre in a relationship and dont have to be like "trying" to go get sex you kind of stop being driven by it. So I guess I kind of felt like I was looking at it as an outsider being like "man wtf is with people and these ultra-urges?".

[/ QUOTE ]

Not the case with me. Even when I am in a long-term serious relationship (as I am now), I still feel the nagging urges to "get laid." When you're off the market, you just process them by thinking "that girl's hot, I'd hit on her if I were single, but I'm not, hey here comes my girlfriend, awesome I get to sleep with her tonight."

And when I'm at a bar/club/party or some place I used to meet girls when I was single, I feel like my hands are tied in some way; like I'm not allowed to do something my body wants to do, which is meet chicks and sleep with them. My brain and heart sort of tackle those instincts and say "you don't need to go through this trouble anymore; you found someone." But I still kind of feel like a sprinter standing on a track with a bandage on my ankle.