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#1
11-18-2007, 09:29 AM
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Re: Do you want to have children?
[ QUOTE ]
There is no right or wrong answer here. [/ QUOTE ] While I agree with this I don't believe most people see it that way. There seems to be a strong societal consensus that choosing to not have children is the wrong answer. I'm a competent adult with an extensive education and a track record of making good decisions in life. Yet the general response on the no children position is that I'm either going to change my mind (when I see the light) or that I'm going to regret my decision (supposedly because it was the incorrect decision as people rarely regret correct choices). It is an interesting phenomenon as I can't really think of any other reasonable life choice where disagreement with the social norm is considered a sign of defective agency. That makes me suspicious of the motivations. I dated a girl with a child once. I'd never do that again. That is as close as you can get to test driving parenthood without being committed for life and I hated it. 
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#2
11-22-2007, 07:46 PM
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Re: Do you want to have children?
[ QUOTE ]
[ QUOTE ] Need more parents to post in this so they convince all you idiots that kids are likely the most rewarding part of your life. [/ QUOTE ] If they are going to do that then they need to actually name specifics of how having children has improved their lives. Most of the time it is just abstract and meaningless statements like having children is "amazing" or having children was the best thing I ever did. They never explain how or why children improved their life only that they did. The negatives of having children are pretty easy to list so why are the benefits such abstract concepts? [/ QUOTE ] Benefits include: Give Love Receive Love Nurturing Patience Fun Seeing the world anew through unblemished, non synical eyes Working with someone towards a goal that is greater than yourself Having your child reach up and grab your hand Wrestling with your kids Plyaing Wii/video games with kids Eating Cheetos with your kids Going to Disneyland and watching them skip all day Putting on home plays Playing hide n seek Playing baseball Going skating Playing soccer Having your son say "There are no such thing as bad people only bad manners" Watching your kids suceed at learning Watching Shrek Toy Story with kids Teachng your kids manners Having your 3 year old tell you "you don't have to talk to me that way just b/c you are frustrated" Holding your kid when they are crying Being there for your kid when they are sick/hurt Building legos Going for a walk with your toddler having him point to a car and go "auto" Having both your kids win the VIP award 2 times in the school year both for "Integrity" Changing your kids diapers Cooking your kids mac an cheese jus tthe way they like it. Having someone who ask's "Where's Dad" or "Dad will you play with me? Having your 9 year old son tell you that his idea of a dream weekend was the one that just transpired where you had a weekend marthathon of japination. Realizing that you could learn from your kids about being mor open and honest. Paying $150/hr for your kid to see a child psychologist and realizing that he carries the same issues as you and that if you don't heal maybe he won't either. Realizing your kids are spoiled and that they have a shelterd life compared to the abuse you suffered as a child but being grateful that you could stop the bs at this generation. Realizing that it was the best decision you have ever made. The only one you never regretted or doubted from the moment they were born. Specific enough for you? How long a list are looking for - I could be here all day.
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#3
11-22-2007, 08:21 PM
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Re: Do you want to have children?
Which is why parenthood was possabily the correct decision for you. I find all of the items listed either neutral or negative. Most of them I see as negative. There is not a single one I view as a positive.
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#4
11-23-2007, 11:33 AM
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Re: Do you want to have children?
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There is not a single one I view as a positive. [/ QUOTE ] Wow. In 44 years I've never actually seen pure, unadulterated selfishness personified. Congrats Henry, you're it. Even the most selfish people I've met in my life had SOME redeeming value. You seem to have none.
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#5
11-23-2007, 01:51 PM
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Re: Do you want to have children?
[ QUOTE ]
Which is why parenthood was possabily the correct decision for you. I find all of the items listed either neutral or negative. Most of them I see as negative. There is not a single one I view as a positive. [/ QUOTE ] You asked for a specific list. I provided it. You will note that I threw in points that to many would seem "negative". I agree with you that these things are in the eye of the beholder, in other words subjective. I had a prof in grad school whose name was Elizabeth Sawyer XXXX.I told here I liked her name.She asked why. I replied, why do I like strawberry jam but not plum-I don't know? The same goes for having kids. Half of all marriages fail, and divorce is difficult on children. Being there for your kids is much more than just providing financial support. They need your time as well. And there are no g'tees that they will be healthy or smashingly prosperous. Having children is a risky undertaking whose outcome you can only partially determine. If you don't feel/intuit that kids are right for you then I agree they aren't and I have no need to convince you otherwise or judge you. Oprah hasn't had any children but in my mind has lived a great life. I encourage you to live the life that is most authentic to who you are and if kids are part of that - great, if they are not - equally great. Only you can tell what an authentic life means for you. I wish you a happy and fulfilled life. Best
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#6
11-25-2007, 03:26 AM
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Re: Do you want to have children?
[ QUOTE ]
[ QUOTE ] [ QUOTE ] Need more parents to post in this so they convince all you idiots that kids are likely the most rewarding part of your life. [/ QUOTE ] If they are going to do that then they need to actually name specifics of how having children has improved their lives. Most of the time it is just abstract and meaningless statements like having children is "amazing" or having children was the best thing I ever did. They never explain how or why children improved their life only that they did. The negatives of having children are pretty easy to list so why are the benefits such abstract concepts? [/ QUOTE ] Benefits include: Give Love Receive Love Nurturing Patience Fun Seeing the world anew through unblemished, non synical eyes Working with someone towards a goal that is greater than yourself Having your child reach up and grab your hand Wrestling with your kids Plyaing Wii/video games with kids Eating Cheetos with your kids Going to Disneyland and watching them skip all day Putting on home plays Playing hide n seek Playing baseball Going skating Playing soccer Having your son say "There are no such thing as bad people only bad manners" Watching your kids suceed at learning Watching Shrek Toy Story with kids Teachng your kids manners Having your 3 year old tell you "you don't have to talk to me that way just b/c you are frustrated" Holding your kid when they are crying Being there for your kid when they are sick/hurt Building legos Going for a walk with your toddler having him point to a car and go "auto" Having both your kids win the VIP award 2 times in the school year both for "Integrity" Changing your kids diapers Cooking your kids mac an cheese jus tthe way they like it. Having someone who ask's "Where's Dad" or "Dad will you play with me? Having your 9 year old son tell you that his idea of a dream weekend was the one that just transpired where you had a weekend marthathon of japination. Realizing that you could learn from your kids about being mor open and honest. Paying $150/hr for your kid to see a child psychologist and realizing that he carries the same issues as you and that if you don't heal maybe he won't either. Realizing your kids are spoiled and that they have a shelterd life compared to the abuse you suffered as a child but being grateful that you could stop the bs at this generation. Realizing that it was the best decision you have ever made. The only one you never regretted or doubted from the moment they were born. Specific enough for you? How long a list are looking for - I could be here all day. [/ QUOTE ] I have triplet toddlers now...I don't see the benefit in this at all sir, not at all... [img]/images/graemlins/shocked.gif[/img]
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#7
11-18-2007, 07:19 AM
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Re: Do you want to have children?
[ QUOTE ]
I was giving it some serious thought recently after a pregnancy scare with my SLF. I have only been around a baby for a total of 10-15 hours my entire life. I think that they are cute, but I am not capable of playing or talking to them. Making baby noises seems to come naturally to most people, but I could never do it. I don't find little kids very interesting and I can't see myself being one of those parents who decides to stop living their own life to dedicate it to Disney cartoons and diaper cleaning because "Isn't the baby so perfect and special!" I think human beings have a responsibility to pursue intellectual outlets and raising a child is pretty much the opposite. "Dad you only care about running your billion dollar corporation, not my third grade science project!" However, I know that having children is important to my SLF, so I feel obligated to comply in the future. The times I was around kids, I pretty much had to fake liking them and being interested in them to make their parents feel good. It would kind of suck if I had to fake liking my own child, so hopefully its different. Now that I think about, my father never seemed very interested in me. So maybe that is why I feel a lack of paternal instincts. I am curious if anyone felt similarly and how it turned out after you had children? Many of you are going to say that I shouldn't have children, but that doesn't seem realistic. You make commitments to people and sometimes you have to suck it up and do stuff you don't want to do. [/ QUOTE ] I don't think there is anything wrong with not having kids. If that is how you feel, so be it. The only thing I would advise is to keep an open mind so that you can allow change to happen more easily. Having rigid, inflexible, perma-fixed beliefs about anything inhibits growth and reduces your ability to evovlve.
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#8
11-19-2007, 12:27 PM
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Re: Do you want to have children?
kids i know i want 100%
a wife, i'm not so sure. i still don't how this works as i'm not one of those guys that could settle for seeing my kids every other weekend or switching off holidays or whatever. i have been with a couple of women in the past that i knew would be fantastic mothers, but neither would go for it w/out the marriage. i have always thought that having children would be the most fulfilling part of my life, so if i don't find a woman that changes my mind about marriage in the next ten years (i'm 30) i'll most likely go the single dad route. does anyone on here have any experience with that?
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#9
11-19-2007, 12:33 PM
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Re: Do you want to have children?
[ QUOTE ]
kids i know i want 100% a wife, i'm not so sure. [/ QUOTE ] I had to laugh at this. While neither my wife nor I have ever regretted having kids, I can assure you we've both had moments of regretting we ever got married. [img]/images/graemlins/laugh.gif[/img] I think that's pretty par for the course in marriage.
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#10
11-19-2007, 12:37 PM
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Re: Do you want to have children?
[ QUOTE ]
[ QUOTE ] kids i know i want 100% a wife, i'm not so sure. [/ QUOTE ] I had to laugh at this. While neither my wife nor I have ever regretted having kids, I can assure you we've both had moments of regretting we ever got married. [img]/images/graemlins/laugh.gif[/img] I think that's pretty par for the course in marriage. [/ QUOTE ] haha, qft. and lol @ some of the responses in this thread. 'kids are like a MLM - huge effort for incremental returns'??? lol.
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Hybrid Mode
