How to tell girlfriend about amount of money spent playing poker

[private joker]

I'm really surprised you've been able to keep it from her for this long after 4 years. It seems like it would just sort of come out at some point before this.

I don't think I'm qualified to give too good an answer here because I'm not at all in the same situation -- not only does my girlfriend love the fact that I play poker, but she begs to sit behind me when I do and she's started playing 4/8, because she got into it so quickly. I've tried to dissuade her, but if she's gonna play no matter what I say, at least I try to teach her. She always asks how much I won or lost every night, and although that annoys me to no end, I oblige her -- and when it's a big win she says nice job, and when it's a big loss she says "that's ok, you'll win it all back and more because you're a winning player."

So that said, I'm of the opinion that you should come clean as soon as possible, and do it by showing a chart/graph of your winnings. Tell her that every year you've supplemented your income with poker and that the extra money will help the two of you in things like traveling, car payments, insurance, etc., and that you're investing some of your winnings in like a Roth IRA or some crap.

Next, try to get her over the hump of poker=gambling. Try, as patiently as possible, to explain that it's a game where skill trumps luck. It's a sport. Tell her the reason the same 10 guys keep popping up on TV final tables is the same reason the same 10 rednecks keep winning NASCAR races. You get good at it and you win consistently. Tell her if you made a deal where you flipped a coin with her and every time it came up heads you'd pay her a dollar but every time it came up tails she'd pay you a dollar-fifty. She would reply she doesn't like the sound of that, and you tell her that all poker is is putting opponents in a situation where they're forced to take that wager or give up the pot. Tell her these losing nights are the times the coin came up heads, but in the long run it came up tails enough times to pay me back more than my fair share. And that statistically it's impossible for the tails person to ever lose money in the long run.

If she can't digest logic like that, tell her that she shouldn't be worried that poker is all you do since you have a full time job. Remind her that she trusts you and loves you and that you wouldn't be messing around with this money if it was just some silly risk; you respect her and you respect the value of money too much for that. Remind her you never "gamble" with it -- you never play blackjack (you don't, right?), craps, or bet on sports. You don't take wagers where you have the worst of it. You're smart and you have months upon months of data to prove it.

If she can't accept that, then you're screwed. But I hope she's cool enough that she doesn't force you to choose between her and poker.

[that_pope]

Thanks for the good post PJ. I only 'gamble' when I go to Vegas, and that is 2-3 times a year, and the majority is still poker. The reason I have been able to 'keep' it from her is because I only started playing 20/40 regularly in June, and she left for Argentina in August. Before that, my main game was 8/16, in which I brought 600 or 800 to the casino, and a "win or loss" of 100 or 200 was a lot closer to realistic. With my shots at 40/80 and 30/60 in Vegas, the thousands are a lot more realistic, and when an average day at a real job is 200-300 for both of us, it will appear excessive. I have no doubts she will accept that I am a winning player, I don't think I put enough emphasis on the 'gambling' productive part of society part of the equation. When I bitch about not enjoying going to work every day, she jokingly tells me to quit and play poker, but I know it is a bluff, and decline and appease her everyime.